someone thanked me

So, I haven't been blogging for so long time. Sorry for being hiatus because I am damn busy with facebook everyday that I decided to shove my blog aside. Nevermind la, not really a lot of people read my blog.

I have this friend called Shu Jay.She's 4 years older than I am. Congratulations to her for getting B4 in BM. I think its her life-long dream to become a teacher but her dream was stopped when she could not obtain at least C6 in SPM. Therefore for the past years after her SPM, she has been taking July/June BM Paper not to mention the November paper.

Most of her story is in her blog but it's in English.
While i am extremely busy that I rarely read her blog anymore because first, it's in mandarin which I can read but I prefer not to because I only read them slowly. So, it's like taking a lot of my effort to really comprehend those mandarin words. Just now, I visited her blog and I read about what she wrote about me

It's here:

我送了一份礼物给老师和他~~

虽然不是什么特别贵重的礼物~~

但却是我满满的心意和谢意~~

他害羞的接过我的礼物，聊了几句，他就回了~~

本来还想跟他拍张照的~~

但是他的朋友也在~~

最后不好意识所以没有拍到~~

他。。。是一位非常特别的朋友~~

虽然他口说没有帮到我什么~~

但是我心里明白，他是多么的重要~~

多么的特别~~

如果没有他当时的付出，可能今天我得到的就不会是这么多~~

感谢他~~

希望往后可以继续联络~~

接下来轮到我祝福他一个月后的spm拿到A1~~

Hope you are able to read some of these. At least, to get an idea about what she is trying to convey. Basically, it's something like exaggerating about my contributions. LOL. She said:I'm a special friend,although he mentioned that he barely helped me, i am still grateful for his help,without him, I will not know so much and yeah lastly it's already in English. Not that I am proud that some one called me special or someone said I'm important, it's how people appreciate who I am.

再来是Siew....他是一位今年的f5生。。。
虽然我认识他的日子不多，算起来好像才三个多月。。。
但他却是我生命中的其中一个贵人~~
六月份考试之前，由于我的成绩跟不上~~
所以老师就要求他把他的笔记借给我~~
四大本笔记簿~~
我在几天内读完~~
虽然到现在他还是一直否认他帮助我很多~~
但是我还是要谢谢他~~
对我来说，他的所谓没有什么，其实对我是帮助非常大的~~
那次过后我们认识了~~
由于我常常迟到，很难找到好的位子~~
他知道我要坐在前面，刚好他也是，所以每个星期他都会booking一个位子给我~~
好让我可以迟到又可以坐到好的位子，比较专心上课~~

This is another extract from a separate post. This is a bit lengthy. Basically, she's just exaggerating about me again.She mentioned that i lent her my BM Notes for her final preparation before she sat for the examination as well as my help for booking for her all the time.This renders her able to come late and get a nice spot. This is nothing la actually.

On the other side, I think it's best to let her know my story. I mean what I encountered.
Shu jay:
During those period, it wasn't easy for me. Each time I book a place for you, my friends will ask me who is that girl to you.My answer is"It's complicated". I understand about how you must go through the irony of the whole situation and bare with the shame. So, like I promised, I didn't tell my friends. I only told one friend of mine and he kept that secret with me.

After that also susah la.My friend kept teasing me and you. But it was ok la They are like that wan. One of them even said "She doesn't look like 21 years old"

okla gtg sleep bye....

Thanks a lot of the mention in your blog. That is so kind of you. That is the best gift compared to any material.

she left

she left

im scared

putting my studies aside,

I shud have gotten her number as soon as i can.before she fades.

tonite,here im praying that she stays

trial

alrite.not gonna post my trial results coz that sucks.
now where did i get my motivation?

first,my trial results just sucked a lot.wat the fuck!!
second.the new A+ system.

yeah wtv,im gonna talk less and study more.

does she look?

yesterday nite was the so nice.!!!wished it always happen.

cant take my eyes off from u!

just admit it.

so how many ppl out there r having secret relationship.

i just found out smtg bout my senior.the troop leader of sixth klang last yr(kok seng)

ok wait.im not saying hes having a relationship with a girl.
im just curious and i think im correct.come on la its very obvious.

so wat happened?

i was helping my junior correcting a letter for kok seng.see ,we need a letter from skul to ask permission so that kok seng can still attend our sixth klang meeting.altho hes form 6,he still need it coz he cant touch sixth klang anymore.
so i helped him to do half way.
its smtg like that

Me:So you find him to correct this letter?
Eng seng: yea .but Adeline Sim helped him to correct wan.
Me:Har??So u cant find him then Adeline helped u to correct wan la?
Eng seng:no la.he also there but Adeline helped him to write wan.everything she write wan.even his ic also she write wan

Toooooooooooooooooot.swt..ok first,if shes correcting the grammartical mistakes or wtv,then i can understand that .but ,shes writing his ic on there as well.swt man.hahaha..can u imagine that,its as if they r together and she knows everything bout him.second,if both of them r there at the place,then y cant he just move his hand to correct it?i mean as if adeline is the one writing for him and he just shake his legs besides.

woo.this is so interesting.
ok im not saying they r together,please dun spread the news around.or else im killed.but definitely,smtg is wrong
and they always walk together in HSK

new skin

ok.thx to ashley wan.that i decided to change my skin.lolz.coz i know i wun b blogging.but ppl still b viewing.thx to one super duper fan.which i cant say her name here.i never realised shes reading.and also,i posted some useful things that ppl whom i dun even know they read my blog said they read before.swt.esp when i talked bout asean scholarship.a lot of ppl curi curi tengok my blog.haha

Departure

B:Did you know that Vincent just broke up with Christin?
A:Oh?really?how come?
B:U know la.vincent is a big casanova.He flirts on every girls.Christin is just the same.
A:Oh.No wonder I recently saw Christin hanging out with Samuel.
B:Oh him!Yeah they r quite close now.

A stares in the blank stars.He looked at B while she was looking at her mobile phone to check for any new messages.

A:There's always break-ups among that group of people.Then they get another new partner from there too.
B:What do you mean?
A:See,last time Samuel used to be with Chelsea.Then they broke up and then Samuel was with Christin till Christin is with Vincent.Remember?
B:oh yeah.I do.so?
A:it seems like a pool of relationship there.They break up there and get another new partner there.
B:yeah!seems like so !haha
A:urm..if we were no longer together,will u do the same as well.I'm quite sure bout myself.I wasnt even interested in any of them since like years ago.We are just plain frens.u know that.
B:ummmmmmm....yeah.i wouldn't ok.just relax.Don't think so much.(Laid her head on his shoulder)
A smiled.He know how uncertainty existed.But he doesn't want to argue bout so many uncertainties.But he trusted her.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A:I'm sorry.I am sorry for everything.please dun go.
B:Im sry this wun work out.Everything is over.
A:Why is it so difficult?Have you ever think about the troubles I went thru?I am always serious bout this relationship.Is it bcz of me unable to control my emotions that make u do this to me.Why can't u just b tolerate?Why can't u just understand me??!Im helpless.I never loved a girl so much!That's why i cant take it when you're with him.I know that's normal for u,but it wasn't so normal for me.I felt like my eyes were blind whenever u talked to other guys.I felt like my eyes protuded out.I had to turn my face away.Why can't u just gif me some time more to improve myself?is it so necessary to leave me?
B:I am sorry
They paused.......

A:Good luck.

A hung up the phone and sat down.The only thing that crossed is mind is .....death.He picked up his bag and went to school despite feeling disapppointed.He knew life has more to do than dying.Death keep bugging on his mind but he left it behind his mind.

Months later...

A:Hi,this is me A.I would like to talk to you for a while.
A left the voicemail message and drove to her house.He knew she would ignore it.Then,came a car.She comes out and then A saw another man inside the car.She kissed him on his cheeck.He knew the boy well.The first thing that came into his mind was"yes.i wouldn't ok.just relax"
Then she saw him standing in front of his house.The boy saw too.A quickly sped off in the opposite direction.Running as fast as he can.Got into his car with tears running down his cheeks.He knew !He knew!Theres no other way to get back to her.He knew !He must finally give up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He called his lecturer.

A:hi,its me ,A.I know wasnt rly performing these days.i am sorry.Thank you for all the encouragement u gave.Thank you for listening to all my love problems.I know ure trying to tell me to forget bout everything and just study now.I know wat u meant now.Nothing will ever change even if i mourn everyday.Nothing is changing if im sad everyday.The onli thing i wanna do now is excelling in my studies so that everyone is scared of me.I want to study hard.

birthday boy

Thx to chen chee,he wrote this on the cup

the cup chen chee gav

from jin tzen and terence.so sweet.no nid buy fan d

sumore they gave bday card.hahaha..thx jie wei for the big card

thx for the chess set.can play with hsing hwa d

sry for the late post.
y?
coz i have been nerding with my sejarah books.u know la i got such a teacher that everytime i ignored her when shes teaching.so i need to buck up myself.i hate the dasar chapter.zzzzzzz.its so boooooring bout malaysia.ok over

so pictures first
not so much bout wat we have done.just more on tankiuing everyone.
actually picture up there.
haha
so a total of 18 person turned up!!!!!!!!!!!!waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!18 ppl?
we ate at central.
y not station 1?coz its so cliche.ssoooooooooo boring.and so many mosquito.so central is a better place.it wun b more expensive if at there.and its so stupid of me to eat at there.i gotta have my own style as well
who?Swee Joo,Dixon,Chew kit's fren,Chew Kit,Hsing Hwa,Jie Wei,Chee Yong,Leong Wee,Le King,Jin Tzen,Terence,Adwin,Gurkiran,Hung Kieth,Chee Hong,Gan Chen Chee,Ping Khai and I
so total 18 including myself.
thx to everyone who came
so after eating rm 308.20,its time to go back.
but chee hong,swee joo,chew kit,leong wee and i went to CC.we played dota.but not enuff time.haahah.so din play finish.

dunno if i post my cake here.my cake is from lian bee.american fudge!!!but its all chocolate.
i love chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and its plain chocolate!!!no strawberry no cream.no vanilla.no nothing!!!hahahaha..so happy.the first time i eat my dream cake.all chocolate and nothing else.

for the present,thx to jie wei,chen chee and terence and jin tzen.sumore chen chee gav me a cup that has my name!!
finally,thx to everyone who wished me and who cant make it.

my bday

so this year same as any other yr.i never rly care if my bday rly exist.and i dun mind if i forgot my bday's date.

thx for all the wishes.

special thx to see hui!
muaccccckkkkkkkkkssssssss!!!u r the best.
shes always so loyal 2 me.the first one to sms me a bday wish at 12.00am
yeah!!!thx thx thx!!!!!but when her bday came,i just slept.hahahahhaha..jkjk..i will b the first to wish u next year

wake up

i shud just stop dreaming.

i din get the interview letter
im not going to singapore

zzz...study damn hard.
din even get

shud have went to genting

fuck it

this is the end

love love love.

this is never ending
and im never stopping

i know now.
13A1's.

lets start now.i m gonna b on the top of everyone

i knew i skipped a lot of studies.

nevermind.im gonna study now.

13!!
13!!
13!!
13!!
13!!
13!!
13!!
13!!
13A1!!

i lost in kuiz pnb..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


wat the fuck man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

study so hard.
study perdagangan which i dun take in spm...study pnb....dun even come out for spm!!!
wat the fuck man!!!!!!!!!!
now im left with perdagangan in my brain but cant use it for spm.wat the hell..
wasted two days study perdagangan.finished the whole syllabus in two days.during that time,i rly pia until kau lat!!now sud lost..wat the fuck man!!!!

.not going to skul..cant rly get over this yet

hush hush

Before i go out.things changed.can u all just shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1




Oooooh ooooh
I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointin' out my wrongs
i never needed pain,i never needed strain.
My love for you was strong enough you should've known.
I never needed you for judgement
I never needed you to question what i spent
I never asked for help, I take care of myself, I don't know why you think you got a hold on me.
And it's a little in the conversations
There isn't anything that you can say.
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so look at me and listen to me because,

I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how i act to what i say
i never needed words, i never needed hurt, i never needed you to be there everyday
I'm sorry for the way i let go
Of everything i wanted when you came along
But i am never beaten, broken, not defeated
I know next to you is not where i belong
And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so you will listen when i say baby

I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush

No more words
No more lies
No more crying ooh ooh
No more pain
No more hurt
No more tryin' Oh Oh Yeah
Because

I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush

Yeah Oh
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby

high D

after rolling out of the stage by getting onli participation,ICAS maths is back this year and today.im gonna sit for it today.wat i aim for this time?
as i edi promised myself.i wanna aim for high Distinction.im not gonna get partcipation again this year.this year,im gonna get high distinction!!i wanna show every1 i am capable of it

went to taylor's UC today at subang jaya for us universities application workshop.
TAYLOR'S ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
!!!!!!!!!!1

hear this inti students as well as help as well as segi!??!?!?!

definitely rocked like mad.

so many leng lui at there..but all so old.i mean they like so open to show their body and most of them study at taylor's and inti.some at intec.no comment bout intec bcz they r jpa scholars.

around my age so little.so means all the leng lui all old old wan.

was very tired.2mr is the second day.gtg rest .

i understood

finally i understand wat u meant.
4 months and all the while wat ure trying to tell me

partners

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.

four of us

ok agm over!!!!!!!!
yes!!!!!!
its finally over!!!
my sixth klang sea scout agm!!!!

first was interact.then ELS and now sixth klang!!!
i finally can rest d looo!!!!

wat we did?
quite a lot.i did some video and we did a performance!!
it was nice for me!
and u wanna know wat?
im waiting for this
im waiting to shout this out!!!

I HATE U SIXTH KLANG SEA SCOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SERIOUSLY HATE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U CAN GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

after 5 years suffered in sixth klang,finally i can say bye bye to sixth klang.

wat did it do to me?
it make me go around to pj for campfire.
go 2 camping and make myself hurt.
waste my every saturday when i can just sleep.
and everything else!!!

to all those sixth klang member reading,if u read,say im idiot.im betrayer..say la..dun care!!!hahahahahahahahasha i hate sixth klang.get it?


so at nite,chee hong,terence and swee joo came to my hse

we first play ps2.haha..play damn many games.and we kept saying swee joo noob.at around 1 am ,we played dota with sangkara over with GG.and he lost like mad.hahahha..and i was watching tv..damn funny la..then after that i cycled to the mamak 24 hr bside kp.and ta pao balik some food for them.we ate.actually,i plan for every1 to walk to there..but i thot its a bit dangerous.so din do it.hahahah

then we continue dota and facebook.after that at 5 am.i said wanna sleep.then they continue playing ps2 in my room.dunno wat game they play.
and i woke up a bit.saw every1 slept d.hahahahhaha

so tired ma..
then terence went back followed by chee hong and lastly swee joo

who r those three?
well they r in sixth klang with me for 5 years.expcept swee joo.
but they r also my primary skul best fren.haha..esp chee hong and terence.

so wat a nice hang out.after this i vow.i vow!!!!to do my best for spm of coz..!!i vow!!!i wanna win kuiz pnb!!!
something made me fuelled up.i rly cant afford to take it anymore..i wanna b the best too

if tats wat u want

i lost

i dreamt

before that,ytd sat nite supposed b my frens all coming 2 my hse.all sixth klang committees ..wanna stay overnite..but then next week got test..zzzz..thatz y cant do it..i duwan to take any blame if their result sucked...so postpone to next sat..!!!yeaa!!gonna play game the whole day with my frens..

yesterday nite i had a weird dream.how shud shud i say it?
weird thing that im alone.
it was like armageddon is coming.everyone is hiding or running away.then i was running to a church.yeah a church.that church is hidden actually.somehow i got my way into it and then sat beside one person.then i appear to have de javu and then i remembered wat happen last time.ok weird..armageddon dont happen twice rite?
ok who cares.
then it turns out that the person beside me will b the one onli one surviving(after i woke up i thot if he survived do i die in the dream?to think logically,if hes the one surviving last time,then how can i still live?which means mayb i survived also together with him.)ok who cares.
then i told him first,its gonna b freezed all over earth and then hot!!
so was like hes scared..and i forgot wat happen after that.

weird dream

mcd chili and tomato

so im sure all of us visited mcd before.
and wat im gonna talk bout mcd now is the chili centre.
u know theres one place where u can press it?
now im home alone.just now walked to mcd at kp to eat mcd!!
yay!!happy!!!eat mcd!!!

thatz not wat im trying to say mind u LOA!!!dun say im LOA.coz im not saying im happy bcz i can eat mcd

im talking bout the chili sauce centre.ok since its introduced a lot of crap happened.first i saw ppl start to take a lot.u know they come with a small piring type of thing.and ppl take roughly 5 at one shot.pheew,,~!!thatz a lot.women sumore most of the time.
and the one im not following is they open their burger and just press all the sauce inside.im doing that
and if u order chick u will just press and fill up the chicken box.know wat i meant?
and today ppl got even more creative.
theres a woman with kids in front of me.u know wat she did?
she opened the coca -cola cover and press the chili sauce on it!!!
just imagine..coca-cola + chili ??of coz a bit of coke la..
and its definitely a bigger piring than the normal wan they gif.
u get wat i mean or not?
haha
so this is how ppl can rly go with this centre
they just take countlessly the sauce and did a lot of weird ways to get it

humans r weird.
like me

orphanage

so today went to orphanage..lazy wanna post.got a lot of pic.but im too lazy

and every1 saw my evil side..hahahha

ok it was like that.i was asking every1 to line up la.and every1 tengah excited and cant even stand still.i got rly fed up but i din show how fed up i am.i just ask every1 quick quick quick.and kah why and another boy having trouble wanna tie the balloon.and after tying the balloon and still cant,nimallan gav me the balllon to gif back the small boy from ophanage.u know wat i do?

call me evil.yes im evil.

i throw the balloon on the floor in front of every1.and every1 kept quiet.

muahahahhaha...ok im serious.
i rly did that.
after that every1 was like looking at me..wat a cruel person...spoil a kid's mood.u know la..its like small kid bring a balloon so happy and u just poke the balloon.and the kid is left crying.but lucky he din cry.i said.please cooperate and i gif u another balloon later.and he just kept quiet.

went back and realised i was wrong for doing that.but wat to do?i was rly rly fed up but i duwan to scold any1 at that time.i found that balloon so annoying so i threw it away and every1 just kept quiet and stand still .bcz no1 thot im THAT CRUEL.

sighz. sry boy!

pnb

ok la lazy wanna post..coz got no pic rite now..
and guess wat..
















my skul get no 1!!!!!!!!!!!!no 1 at state lvl!!!!!
really!!serious!!!!
i cant imagine the feeling of getting no1...always wanting to get no1 in district lvl but ends up cant..and this time no1 in state lvl.!!!fuuuuuuu yooooooooooooo!!!!

short wan bout this quiz.
on 24th feb almost all skuls in msia took part in kuiz pnb.in selangor roughly 160 schools took part in the preliminary round.this round is to choose the top 3 skuls which get the highest marks to compete in a gameshow(live quiz)
so i took part with two other teammates in this quiz.firstly to b honest i never study anything at all.not to say at all.studied a bit of pelaburan in perdagangan and syarikat berhad in akaun.the rest cant bother much d.and just sit it.seriously was ok.

on june holiday i was told that our skul got the highest mark in selangor.ok laa!!!but have to compete again.then ytd we went to smk kg soeharto.located at felda soeharto(i dunno if this soeharto is the indonesian president).where is it?its near to tanjung malim.a drive to there would take up 1 hr and 30 mins.!!yeah and that my teacher kept potong other cars and drive at average 100km/h.obviously i cant take it coz im not used to 120km/h!!!!!she can speed until that.i was like wat the !!!!!i cant tahan!!!but i just kept quiet.till one time where she potong a car then a lorry was in front.and she can so selamba drive so near..hahah..then i told her too fast..

ok back..so the third skul din reach yet and left onli two skuls to compete.i was thinking at least no 2 d ..coz the other skuls looks like pro man..manatau we win them flat.hahahha..a lot of questions they cant answer.we have to go up 2 stage and answer questions like some show where they have to press button to answer all these ..u know?yea its like that.best part is the camera man is also there!!!yes im on camera!!!and so bangga..

i think we managed to impress a lot bcz we were able to answer some questions even in 3 seconds.!!!rly!!!and every1 was like wawawawaw!!!every1 clapped for us..and a boy who jointed pidato came over and said wow u all very smart la.i haven even reach finish the question u all edi can answer.hahahah..so bangga man..and the jurukuiz kept telling us to stop answering and gif the girls a chance..i was like who cares!!!hahahah..

and it ended with us 1200 marks and the opponent 480 marks..haha...3 times the marks..

and we reached home at 9pm.i strait went to sleep.
first time getting champion.state level

will b representing selangor to national lvl at putrajaya on august.

F

can someone fucking tell me that im fucking retarded?that i am fucking idiot.that im fucking sensitive.that im fucking stuck in this hole forever?can someone fucking get me out?!!?!?!!

can stand my fuck?

fuck off!!
get the fuck out of my world!!
fuck u
i fucking hate u

short

2mr going out again..sighz..wanna stay home sleep la

zzzzzzzz

and results been dropping.
all drop.din see any1 increase.

sighz.

duwan reveal my result.its like SHIIT

took 3 panadol ytd.in one day

now taking another 1 later.

y?coz im so stupid

kick my ass

now i know

finally i understand.finally i know wat type of person u r.
i dun hate u.but i hate myself for being so stupid
now i know im rly stupid.im nothing for u.
all i have done for u meant nothing to u.
all the time we been together meant nothing for u
now i know ure so selfish.
i wish i can wake up dreaming like wat i always dreamt.
but now i woke up saying this is reality.i always thot i have never loved the wrong one
but now i know im wrong. i really did.
ure so selfish that wat i have done for u is just nothing for u.
time to stand up.time to let go.
i duwan to b trapped in this stupid illusions anymore.the more deeper i am in,the more stupid i felt i am.
now i woke up finding myself loving the wrong person.
all along im just"menepuk sebelah tangan."
u never care and appreciate wat i have done.
all the sadness i went thru.all the efforts i have made.all the sacrifices i have made.all the time i used on u.all the time i spent on mourning.
u never care.u never appreciate.u never know.
all u care is urself.i can see the difference between "no time" and "will find time"
no time just simply means i duwan to do it.whereas will find time in the end of one sentence suggest one will make effort to do it in the future even no time now.
now i know.i have been so stupid.defending someone who is so selfish.
helping someone who never returns back.i never expect any favour back.thatz y im so stupid.
now i know.now i know .now i know
im stupid.i love the wrong person.ure selfish

sighz.
y dun i just die now?

finally

i realised.now i know im just "menepuk sebelah tangan".

my last post before this is dead

so did i say i have two hours of non stop entertainment?
yea its on friday nite .from 7pm to 9 pm.the two hours of non-stop ........................

..........................SINGING!!!

lolz.i was feeling quite booooreeeeddd laaa at home.so was planning to go out and finally called up some of my frens to go and karaoke!!!!hahaha it was very fun!!we scream !!!here and there!!!

who went ar?not so many..lucky laa..can sing more...
me ,swee joo,terence ,chee hong ,chew kit and pei yuent(my tuition fren.shit he kept sms me in chinese words.and lucky enuff i know how to read)

swee joo,terence and i reached there at 7 pm and start to sing .first was like warming up and i call tell u swee joo is damn damn damn blur.he kept saying i wanna sing this song.end up ask me how to sing ar?swt..then i have to sing a few lines...swt...ok enuff..
then i sang a few of my fav songs like Ju Hua Tai,Kiss Goodbye,Better man(not my fav,Beautiful Soul,I don't want to miss a thing,i want it that way,qing hua ci(my new craze)sing half way nia,fa ru xue(the onli jay chou song i like and i mumble singing it)hahahhaah..
i think i sang the most.and yea yea yea !!!kenangan terindah.how can i forget??!!!
this time i did some recording..hahahahha...hey every1!since this is is my last post.!!!please do me a favour.please watch it no matter wat happen.hahah..please la do me the last favour.haha.please please please please please please please please please please please please please please...tired...hahah..i did some editing and took me some time leer..y?bcz of u all la..hahaha..and i have this fren pei yuent ..so flexible enuff that at 3.30 during tuition time .i just simply ask him wanna go or not.u know wat he said?see first.end up coming.hahahah..really.he stays at kapar.so like he go back .ask his mother.then strait away come here..fui yoo..and sumore bring pringles for us..hahaha..lucky i ask him out.or else 5 of us are gonna bored dead.and he knows chinese.so he sang some chinese songs like tui hou by jay and wang lee hom forgot wat song d.and a bm song.so after finish he smsed me in chinese words(duh! again) saying he had so much fun.hell yeah!! we rly did.wait till u watch the video.haha.please watch everything from the start till the end altho it might b kinda long..i took time editing and uploading laaa..hahah.
























ok after finishing all the vids..thx for watching!!!and if ure curious bout hows the orginal wan try to look at this one.and u will know we sucks!



so today go and listen 2 undang ceramah.5 hrs .sleepy!and guess wat every1 is sleeping also.not every1.got 1 at first row edi sleep.some play handfon.got one beside me listen 2 music.hahah.she dun care!!

saw adwin also.adwin ure dead.got ur pic here!

ok wait this is today.so yesterday after karaoke go mamak eat!ok finish story bout ytd.we seriously had so much fun during the 2 hrs.seriously 2 hrs non stop singing!!haha

so now im back and ate and its 8 pm.and i slept til 2 pm woke up.now cant sleep.

so this wun b my last post..just gonna blog lesser.so sometimes i might blog.who knows??!!!

leaving

so spm is coming..my mom kept asking me to study...haiz...
ok laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa studyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

very lazy wanna study ler..
so wat to do now?

so gonna leave this blog d laa..since i think a lot nvr read also..for wat..some chew kit,swee joo,xin yi joey ,sometimes zee yeng,.sometimes tricia .atika rarely reads,huay theng dunno.i dunno!!!like no1 read..so gonna stop blogging la.no point.wanna spend time study.

so wats my last post allbout?u will know it !
its tonite!
2 hrs of non-stop entertainment eh?lolz.
lets see bout that!!

Life is but nothing

did u highlight?

got nothing to post la..lazy

close to you

living life

sometimes...living means getting urself sad.sighz.

yesterday chat with tricia in the morning like 5am.chatted quite a lot.def it shows how i am being stupid.yeah.thx i know im stupid.

but this is life

im really crapping

like wat i said..kinda like pindah there d.so more craps at there.2 days edi got 5 craps.
so less crap here

another place

gonna start blogging at here less...
gonna talk more craps at somewhere else.
i once said that i really wanna forget her and i was bout to write the last post of her so that i can concentrate on my studies.the truth is i cant forget bout her i kept thinking bout her even in exam time.so im gonna write in my personal blog instead bout her.so that i can express myself and i can write "i love u" as i like. its at www.trying-to-be-strong.blogspot.com .its onli open to invited one.so mayb u can ask me if u want.but u sure wun get access

asean scholarship selection test

sry every1! i got a bit tired now and sumore i posted all these in another website.so kinda lazy to rewrite again.coz who cares.no1 gonna read my website at all.so im just gonna decsribe the pic.

before that.i did very badly in maths.after my faill in add maths kuiz.i cant c myself getting better for add maths and maths.i din get 100 for add maths for mid term anymore.and yesterday just made me felt like so useless

english was ok.i can understand the text.but then answering mayb hard a bit.and essay was like scribbling.coz onli got 30 mins for 350 words long words.and i scribbled till the last page and the last line.cool!i hope they can read my handwriting.

iq test was not hard for me.out of 40 mins provided that every1 cant finish in time.really almost a lot i ask cant finish in time.i managed to finish in 25 mins.im not action rite now.mayb bcz im aledi a mensan.so i have full confidence in iq test.
and they say if u do well in iq test and dun fail in maths and eng,u hav high chance to get shortlisted for interview.so after my maths i dun feel bad at all after taking iq test.pheew.now i can sleep well everyday.or else if iq also can kau tim.i mmg cant sleep well.

this is how crowded the place is when every1 tries to go back
my fren and i.hsing hwa
this is how the hall looks like.look at those tables.seem infinite from here

if u think that how many turned up.guess wat i calculated around 1000 over.for sec 1 3 and pre -u

from left:jon keat,me,hsing hwa and yew yip(kwang hwa)


this is my partner from the test.lolz.i dun mean partner.she sits beside me for the test.we chatted like old frens yesterday.is it just me?every1 seems like more civilized and kept quiet the whole time.seriously there no1 talked at all.and i was there talking to her most of the time.even like when we re waiting for test paper we talked bout skuls,life and bla bla bla bla.she takes up dancing,chinese cls and another 1 i forgot.i think tuition is it?haha.seriously talked like old frens.of coz i talked 2 a lot too.like today morning a boy talked 2 me.he was quite funny too and very frenly.but i was a bit tired.so i din talk a lot.but he was really funny when he said u know malaysia is above singapore.and then foreigner will be like oh!!!!!!!i know !!!!i know!!!i know singapore.hahahhahah.that made my day.really happy 2 b fren with her.shes really really really sweet.and also others la.like one boy i exchanged mobile themes with him.so its like so nice 2 meet every1 there.its like a conference of smart ass genius at there.but i was really talkative the whole time.in the exam hall i talked the most i guess.i mean she and i talked the most.haha.and strange but true or is bcz she enters a lot of club.we r in english club and scouts.but she quit scouts.politics.ok stop talking bout her la i know shes pretty.haha

i really love piano a lot.but nvr play it.haha.and this just made me very very much touched when i saw her playing.took this after we hanging out in sunway pyramid

saw this book at popular.get touched looking at that!

asean

ok today's the date.i have to go there at 11am and reach there early.omg!!!
this is the date that might change my future.

mr moay said he saw some not so smart like me get it.he said i will get it.ok swt..haiz..

im so scared la.im not that smart at all.haiz..die die..

if i really go there.mayb its true la.i really might not come back.lets count

2 years at JC.4 years at uni.3 years bond.
add them. 9 yeas~!!~!~!~!@~!!~@!~@!~@~!@~!@!~!~~!~!!!!

wat the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9 years?lets say 10 years not coming back.
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u tell me im not fine man.10 years~!!!!!!!

ok relax.lets just treat this test as an experience.all the previous thing that i done as a preparation.even if i really turn them down,then its ok la for the sacrifice i made.

haiz..10 years.

i wonder

i wondered..m i doing the rite thing?first i thot i am.but then i thot i am not.haiz.this sucks

but ...i think its betta dun.wtv i do sometimes i think i can do it.but it turns out i cant.anyway its gonna end soon .so y crying over it?

stupid

just admit.

im stupid.
i dun mean in study.ok i admit i cant do most of the sg's add maths questions.its like stupid hard.but then i have n choice but to put all i have into this test.i cant miss this chance.

thinking back.ytd may shuen and i walked to eng ann then she ajak me walk thru another way.i followed.then again can c bungalow this time i can while walking.if u know(onli xin yi knows) that i actually had this dream since small.i told myself"next time i big wanna stay at three-storey bungalow"
a very big dream huh?instead of saying children,wife,car,money,toys.i said bungalow.thats how my 6 year old self could say.
then talking bout bungalow with her.i remembered sg dun have a lot of bungalow.that makes me contradict myself again if i really get..to go or not to go.i know if i want a better life i must sacrifice my dream.i am sure a lot of ppl have dreams but they must gif it up bcz they cant achieve it.so i must make the sacrifice too.
really at that age,i said to myself.i wanna stay at bungalow.then till now everytime i pass by bungalow,i always look at the design.so that i can build the most beautiful bungalow in msia.even till now,i love passing thru the bungalow behind delta.bcz i love looking at bungalow.

i mean im stupid for stupid!!!!!!!!!!!
theres a lot of way to solve this.y must i make myself sad everyday?is it worth the sadness?i asked someone.she said dun torture urself this way.yeah im really torturing myself.but she doesnt understand how much i really cant let go

yesterday nite after tuition,my two kwang hwa fren told me something.

zhiu bu qi xin bu lai

it means if u cant let go of old one.u can never get a new one.
for me,who cares bout new one?
i dun care bout new one anymore.i really wanna put everything i hav into this love that im falling into.i dun care bout letting go and finding a new one.even if i can manage to let go,i dun think i wanna fall in love with others anymore except her.

but day by day..seems like so long and so torturing.how i wish i can tell her can she gif me some time..or else everday missing her so much.wanna talk 2 her but then scared she bz
just like just now.haiz.its like i keep all my feelings inside and then i cant really resist it and i really miss her.i just wanna talk 2 her.but then turned down again.i dun blame her .mayb its my fault.for finding the wrong timing.even if right timing,i would not have much chat wif her at all.wat shud i do?

shud i just tell her im sad by the way she treat me?shud i tell her please treat me nicer.shud i just admit that I STILL LOVE U.I know sometimes she might be reading this secretly.and i dare not write a lot.i always think before i write.but then now.im writing here so that she wun see.so that she wun know I STILL LOVE U!!. I LOVE U SO MUCH.its been a while and so long i never tell her this.i have been keeping this words with me .i onli used i miss u so much and thats at my blog.i really wish to say in front of her.i love u .i still love u.

how do u expect me to keep all these feelings quietly?i cant take it.sometimes and very less d now.i find another girl to express my feelings.thx to see hui too who helped me a lot thru hard times.no matter how hard i kept all these sadness by the way she treat me,i cant really take it.but find myself so stupid to continue to bear it.

kill me

y dun u just kill me now.

i dunno

life is there to make u feel so sad.

kuiz pnb 2

so if u think that im lying bout my skul is the first place in state level.check this out

kuiz pnb

go and see selangor and see smk tinggi klang

hahahahahahahahahahaha
omg !!!! i cant believe man.some of the skul's name r those name i never heard before but there was a big challenger from penang.
chung ling high school

fui yooo..
wat i think bout chung ling?
chung ling is one of the best sec skul in malaysia.its at penang and its one of the top skul la.hahah...
anyway who cares first.now onli i wanna concentrate on representing selangor.
ok la gotta work extra hard after selection test to go thru at least to represent selangor.yes!!!!

u suck

sometimes im left at a corner crying and then came more and more ppl trying to make me cry.u all sucks

kuiz pnb

alrite..if u really follow up my blog...u can c that i once talked bout this kuiz pnb that was held in my skul...
goes wat??
be preapred for the worst..
this is it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!










MY SKUL/ME LAAHH...GOT THE TOP SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOLZ..AND NOT THAT ONLI

IN THE STATE LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I THINK SO STATE LEVEL..Y?


ok coz like wat i rmb these skuls represent themselves..means like if u join this kuiz ure considered by passing district level.so in one district they will pick either top 3 to compete to see who present selangor .....

thats the first assumption..second assumption is that...we r reprensenting selangor ..hahahahhahahahahahahahaha...
ok i hope its the second wan..coz just imagine it...selangor?top score in selangor sumore??hahahahhahahahah yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so those who dunno..wats my skul name?
u betta rmb this name till forever!!!!!!!!!1

SMK Tinggi Klang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i rly hope we can reprensent selangor..i rly duwan to go thru another round to choose the top skul to represent selangor..just imagine we skip one day skul to go 2 lets say sabah to compete..hahahahhahahahhahaha thatz coool!!!!!
free ticket to sabah!!!!hahahahahhahaha..ok la wun go sabah wan la..who would b so stupid to organise at sabah unless the champion skul at sabah..hahahahahhaha..

anyway,after skul reopen gonna get more infos from my teacher is it we r representing selangor or we're reprensenting our district to compete to see who can represent selangor..but somehow i got the feeling we have to compete for the state spot..haiz..wait la i go check again..any1 wif infos please tell me!!!please!!!hahahahhaha

really happy anyway our skul/me lah and my fren..hahaha..got the top score..just got the news yesterday..after waiting so long finally...


so hows the kuiz?ok fine..
and i can say some of them came from science cls like us..coz i see some start to onli take out ekonomi asas chapter 1 which is totally unrelated to investment..so when i saw this participant took that out i knew from that moment she knows ntg bout kuiz pnb and also ekonomi.who would still read chapter 1 if ure sitting the kuiz moments later?hahahahhaha

anyway..gtg..bbb..
now wanna concentrate on asean scholarship selection test.hope i rly can get it to singapore


edit:

i just checked out the website..haiz..sad..sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.

we have to compete to represent selangor..
first we have to compete in gameshow to see who can represent selangor.once lets say we present state,we have to see for written test at kl to see the top 3 skuls to go to the final round.but anyway we r at quater final of the kuiz edi.haiz..ok la..just work extra hard a bit for this one to represent selangor.after representing onli then can simply do d..hahaha..coz imagine the experience going to compete with other ppl from other states..that wud b could and this gameshow is just like competing with ppl from diff district but same state..after reprensenting im considered going to kebangsaan lvl..hahahahhahah..

the place is at smk teluk mas..wheres that?but by the name teluk means it must be somewhere near the sea ..like kuala selangor..later i search see..hahahah..

its on 1st of july..gonna work hard d after asean test

ok im done!!!!!!!!!!!finally im done with everything and now left penolong kanan's signature..haiz..today damn tulan..

i went to skul but no pengetua and no penolong kanan at all.pn kion supposed to duty but dunno where she went to.

its been a while......................

sometimes i wonder myself..m i doing the right thing?does retreat and withdrawing myself really helps?m i happier these days with these?i am sure that any subtle things that happen have a very big impact on me myself.i could not bear it.so,like wat i told others,if u cant take it,dun look at it.i decided not to look at it.sometimes i do.of coz times without looking at it were more fun and cheerful.thatz how u use psychology to make up for ur grief and sorrow.wasnt able to do it at first and now im doing quite fine.just that rly rly provoking.everything is so provoking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!y must i face all these?EVERYWHERE I GO~!!!!!ANYTHING I SEE!!!ANYTHING I HEAR!!!!PROVOKES ME.

mayb thats the reason y i edi decide to stay out of the ring.theres no use getting emo myself at some very very subtle things.if i showed im rly rly emo and cant stand it...theres no use trying to lie im redeeming myself.and i found out this is the best way.it really made me calm at all times.rather than getting emos everyday bcz of things that are so typical and happening to everyone.

i admit i will do get emos bout these...but still..if i dun try to control myself,i think action speaks louder than words.u can say im so brave and i can withstand all these,but if u cant show it,its futile.

i wonder myself..is this the best method?the last every event is coming..m i so deadly inactive?if so,how come so many others who can pour efforts more than me not getting wat they deserve last time?m i just elected for nothing.i would say..noooo.....things just went upside down.and i start to withdraw myself..thinking that it would be the best for both of us.things will b different if we r together.i wun feel anything bad.i wun feel so low..i wun feel so inferior.never.but proud.
but..things rly went upside down and i could see myself frowning each time when theres event.first thing when they announce that was......im not going again.....im not anti-social..but if im occupying the space,then how many spaces are left for others?

during my form 5 years,i have learnt many essential values of life.for eg,last saturday.something that i experimented with emotionals,words,anger and forgiveness.something that i have never tried before.if i were continued to be like wat i used to be,i will lose all the trusts from others.i would say that this is actually how easy humans can change.i admit i was a bit diff type of leadership.the leadership that will overhelm everyone and make everyone fear.but last saturday,i changed a bit.i experimented and found a success and yet another way to lead.if i were not given the opportunity to lead,i will never learn.the true meaning of leading.i never said i was perfect.i never.

looking back,one day before my skul's iu day.hung kieth,one of my first primary skul best fren was quite sad when we waited for his mother to come.he was holding his phone and told me one girl he rly likes cant make it.he told me that he performs just bcz of her.just bcz he wants her to watch him.i would say that even if hes not really serious(which he really is serious on her). playing something for her and practising is something that i must say good.then he was very very sad. he said this girl is so special..of coz normal speech..then said he rly was sad she cant make it.and then he said he asked her to treat him for a movie.but she didnt reply.ok..mayb shes just bz..but then ....i can understand how he really felt at that moment.even simple things like not replying...and late replying..can really go very far....far more striking and hurting for another party.i would say that if someone sms me and if its for important things i will try my best to reply.even "ok" but then if its not..then i would delay it if im bz..if i used to get this sms..trying to talk 2 me while im bz,i will just say im bz.i really cant get used to not replying someonelse.i really hope every1 has this mindset.mayb coz im just me.ok back...then i dunno that i just told him one of the most wonderful things that he had ever heard..ok he said that 2 me .

"If u rly think that this person is so special in ur life.u will never meet a second one anymore.mayb u will but then she can never compare to the first one u ever met.u will feel like the second is just impostor.if u rly rly like her,be patient and wait for her.im sure u can ask her out some other times.no nid iu day.for eg,inter-skul rally.or some other sorts wat..just be patient and wait if shes rly special"

saying that is easy for me myself.such lines could make my fren feel better bout wat love really means and how to resist even the deepest pierce.mayb i myself am not in his shoe and i dunno how he really felt and i can say it easier than done.i imagine myself facing his problem.would i be able to even stand up?i would b like that day roll on bed and tears coming down.not to say i really cant resist even the slightest late reply or wat.....but....now things are getting worse day by day.who would have guessed i will piss her off and never talk 2 her again till now?haiz...sometimes after exam,i wonder i must make the first move.but then how?if no1 makes the first move,we r not going anywhere.but then i rly rly was afraid if shes bz or wat coz i dunno.m i so annoying?
haiz..
and im busy preparing all the documents for asean scholarship.i onli have one chance and that is now.think it again,i can blieve i must take 7 subs for a-level and for 2 years.and i had to end up at NUS or NTU if i cant get to go to US.those two are not bad..but then if ure not continuing ur scholarship,u can onli get loan for ur undergraduate study.if u come back to msia,u have to start twinning programme which waste times again.
but anyway,my father taught me this...if u wanna do anything,do it properly.even some scholarship that u dun plan and think ure not getting it ..its too impossible..still...just try it.do ur best in everything.dun simply play play with small scholarships.be it big or small,we must try out best.so im trying my best.get or dun get is another matter.

and by the way im saying bout sg's education.u can know IM NOT COMING BACK IF I REALLY GO.first,u end up at NUS or NTU.ending up at there receiving asean scholarship is no problem.but if u dun,u have to get loan which simply ask u to get bonded at there for several years.and by the way of 5 years plus at there,i would say u SIMPLY WUN COME BACK ANYMORE.ok la dun see 5 years as short.see it as long...just imagine u have a family here and then for them 5 years there are like so so so so so long.its like u enter form 1 and comes out like lower 6?imagine how much will that b?so its like simply not coming back for ppl close 2 u.whenever ur relatives ask where r u ?at sg..for so long edi.5 years..and doesn seems like coming back even for CNY..

ok i have not decided to come back or not...but then,after i get the award onli i talk bout it.for now,the more i talk bout it,the more others think that im so stuck up and thinks that im getting it at no sweat.

and cont,if u choose 2 receive and study abroad like US,u MUST BE SINGAPORE CITIZEN.yeah..coool eh.no bond but u must b sg citizen.

that is why i say its like ure not coming back.after ur pre-u,u either get to go 2 overseas or not.if u dun,u end up at NUS or NTU and if without scholarship,u have to get loan and ure bonded aledi.and its tougher to get undergraduate scholarship.most of the ppl just end up taking loan.
i dun mind studying at NUS top 10 uni,but the bond really made me sad.


ok enuff crap..i wanna sleep.life must rly look forward.i can not look backward..but still sometimes i took out the doll and cried myself

IM DEAD

die la
later had to go to skul to get everything certificed and i can knock myhead on the wall coz im now onli starting to translate all the certs..and im still on page 1..die ...die die .....later got tuition sumore unless i skip my tuition...see first la..haiz..im dead..i onli have 1 hour plus

so long nvr write anything..

compared to the previous me who always write craps in my blog..i have been missing for four days..i was a bit bz making sure my testimonial letter done for the scholarship.and also,im busy looking and chatting with hsing hwa and jon keat to share more infos..let just hope all 3 of us get the scholarship and just mayb just mayb we can go there together..lol...imagine studying at same JC,i wun alienated also la..haha..but i heard the ppl at there r rly nice..not rly those kia su those type..i heard nia la...and also,do u know the sg A level study 7 subs?siao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just imagine malaysia got 5 sub edi damn siao..there A level 7 subs..but i think they dun rly follow GCE A-level in cambridge..they follow A-level but then like spm la,.they change here and there a bit..i think so!!!whereas a-level msia offered are mayb rly follow cambridge..coz msia just concentrate on spm and stpm(equivalent to a-level).and do u know that msia students studying at international skul can take o-level..so im sure a level at there got a bit changed wan la..hehe..

anwyay stop crapping..today again got meeting...we had treasure hunt..damn funny.i was bringing a group.then we said tempat sampah.we actually put it at a place where there are also sampah but nearby onli.coz normally ppl dun throw in the big garbage bin but throw somewhere.we hid it there.but they r so so so dumb that they find around in the big garbage bin..i got the video !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was laughing all the way.and two of my committees also laugh like mad!!!hahahahaha.coz including my bro,they all also try to open the garbage bag!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha..got one panjat go up just to look inside..hahahahah..at last we say look around .this place not onli got sampah.then they found d.haha..i got the vid..see la if i got time edit ill post it..its damn funny.i kept laughing..then over i go and cut hair and now im back..

another things funny..sangkara got a sister who came for iu day.then piragas and swee joo kept saying that girl..the middle one ...i asked wat u all doing?looking at sangakara's sister.i asked wats her name.they said shamala...i quickly shout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Eh,SHAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahha damn loud..and every1 looked at us...hahahah.then i kept laughing.after that i felt bad la..hahaha..for no reason shout ppl's name..but it was damn funny..hahah..i dunno y i shout her name also

bbbbbbbbb

wondered where m i missing?

alrite..i know i haven write anything yesterday when im supposed to write something for wat happen yesterday.

i have err..one good news and two bad news..omg!!!!!!!!!!


ok tell me which 1 u wanna hear first...


errmm..i decide it myself laaa..haha


lets start with the bad news...


The Genting trip was cancelled.ommmmmmmmmggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can someone please tell me that genting is not fun????????????????
haiz..seems like i rly cant go this time.apparently zee yeng face a problem.i dunno wat happened since she never say and i duwan to ask la...i always know if someone is hiding something,we cant help but just stand back.im sure they have their own reason for not telling.and if i rly wanted to know it..i betta ask her fren instead la..later she rly get pissed off.then i myself cant go.i will say bout it later.i rly wanted to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!and now im waiting for a refund.chew kit suggested a day trip.so i thot it was ok..but then i need to wait for the refund is confirmed.haiz..and seems like it is not refundable until the room is taken by somone else.i assumed it will be taken but then if im not confirmed with the refund,we CANT GO.haiz..and chew kit said berjaya..ok laaaa..but wait for refund..its like we r REALLY NOT GOING ANYWHERE...y i rly wanted to go?later i say la


Another bad news,my mom's livina langgar another car.we were like inside the car and my mom who got no good sense of direction at bukit tinggi kept asking me and my bro for direction instead.and i was like using common sense to tell her how to go and then my bro pulak said i remember this and this and this..then like we wanna u-turn but decided to go strait instead sud one stupid blady car came out of nowhere and we crashed.my mom's car face more serious problem and this car like kena scartch nia.so we like argue.my bro and i just stood quiet.haiz..i was like if u fight this case,if we lose,we have to pay more.but then that idiot acts cool by smoking and then talk roughly,luckily he never scold bad words.and say i wanna talk 2 ur husband.women cant b discussed.ask ur husband to come out and we talk bout this if u want it.if u want ask ur frens or whoever to come and judge.bla bla bla bla bla acting wise bla bla bla bla acting smart bla bla bla bla..and i got so pissed off that by the time we want to go back,i just kept quiet and say u follow his direction.i dun mind getting lost than getting involved in another crash.





sighs....

the good news are........................................................................

its finally here!!!!!!!!!

ASEAN SCHOLARSHIP SELECTION TEST~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just imagine how happy i was when i received the letter.hsing hwa totally spoilt the fun when he sms me and said he received the letter aledi and asked me to check it myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!u totally spoilt everything...but anyway i was smilling all the way when i read bout the letter.i was like omg omg omg omg omg i m onli aledi 2/4 steps nearer.the 1/4 was when i apply and now i get it its 2/4.,if i get interview i will b 3/4 and 4/4 when i attend the scholarship ceremony!!!!!!!but wait laa..haiz..singapore maths and english are sure killing people.im rly not get used to its syllabus and their questions.but since this is wat u will face at there,they have full rights to do it this way to choose the best.haiz..im sure thousands will turn up on the day and i rly wish i can get selected.i rly wanna get the scholarship wat.who doesnt want it???

so later at nite i forgot to take my physics book to tuition and took chemistry instead bcz im too happy.i saw mr moay my physics teacher and told him i got the offer to sit for the selection test.then he said

Mr Moay:Go For it
Me:harr...y?
My Moay:Just listen to me..go for it.

ok....then after taking my seat i asked again any advices.,he just say go for it..and never come back(i dunno wether did he say never come back or wat)

and then the whole physics class was like trying to say something to me.he kept saying like a bird u must fly high so that u can see far...and said sit for any iq test,aptitude test or selection test and see how people PIA...and then get to know them and talk 2 them.go for it

ok swt..u dun have to make the whole class also trying to ask me go.so once i asked him.so y u din go?he said there are many reasons y..swt..hahahha

anyway im happy that mr moay asked me 2 go there.not that i put my full respect on him that im willing to listen to wat he said.of coz i have decided myself to go and sit for the test.just that people like him have some similarities like me would say it..im sure he has his own good points.except im not smart like him ok?hahahahaha..

im not scared of homesick but im scared of how to cope at there.u know they r a bit kia su and if i get admitted to good JC,i rly can die trying it.NUS is one of the top 10 uni in the world.and their JC is also good and hard..omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!how ??!!!!!but anyway i still will try my best la.i guess i have to start for one week revision and practising aledi.

at the end of the lesson,he talked bout lenz's law.a law that i will remember always.haiz..i never told him anything also..but then he seems like to know bout my relationship.first,was using her and yesterday me.coincidence my foot!!!!shud i approach him to ask how he knows or wat?i guess hes a PSYCHIC teacher instead of PHYSICS teacher.i rly never tell him anything unless our frens had so much things to share with him.
and talking bout the law for the first time on another week got me pissed off so much and im the first to go home.i guess he saw how pissed off i got.haiz.and while he talked bout that yesterday,i kept thinking of asean scholarship and my .........l................o..............v................e...............if i rly get it and go there,wat if i never comes back....wat if things are different once i come back....i duwan to get emo now...but.....i rly ....cannot forget bout the past.till now,im still lost.shud i find her back now?would she get pissed off again like that day?im still wondering and i dun dare to talk 2 her these few weeks.haiz.unlike me last few weeks who tries to b nice and just talk a bit...but now,whenever i see her,i would still feel scared to approach her bcz im so scared she might get pissed off.of coz u can say its like two weeks d,.im sure shes over it.but then i cant say it..i just cant do anything yet.so if i rly go there,which i think i had very low chance till i get the interview first,i...dunno how to face her before i leave....just imagine u had someone u rly regret letting go and u rly want to make up ur frenship over some times.of coz u just said sry i rly get emos if we r frens..at least u wanna try slowly make up but then the next moment u might b leaving aleadi.its like u had the biggest regret of ur life and really wish things r better before u go and u can still keep in touch with that person.i rly regret for wat i've done....u regretted everything and u rly wish that u are together back with that person before u leave to at least feel better.altho its long and far relationship that u have to keep,u rly duwan to lose this person and rly duwan to fall in love with another person anymore!!!!!its like a bond and a promise and a pledge u made to urself that no matter wat,u have a partner aledi.i will not look at others anymore.but then even if i am able to pledge to do that if we r not together,im quite worried bout her.u cant force love.who knows by the time i come back,shes with other boy.outwardly,i would feel happy,but inwardly,i would feel so sad.its like u hav rly waited to come back just to be with her back and shes with someone else.its like ure so so so ready and have changed urself and wanted to b with her back but shes taken.but knowing her,i wun think she will do that.but im not her.i dunno wat shes thinking and u know again u cant force love.but i rly have 90% confidence she wun do that..but dunno if she hears that while im at there,im actually waiting for her..im rly waiting for her!!

ok enuff craps...coz i know i have low chance getting it..but please make me happy for now and please dun discourage me.i rly wanna do well in the selection test and get the scholarship.wateva dilemmas can come later and i edi can expect wat kind of dilemma i can face..just wish we can at least be boyfren and girlfren back before i leave here.at least i know we r in secured zone.


but then its just a selection test.please dun go around and say i got it aledi.my bro also got wat the test from japanese embassy for japan scholarship.so wat bout me?im just a small fry and like wat i said im sure got thousands will turn up.im just a small FLY ..sry for typo.

two of my frens got it too.hsing hwa of coz and jon keat.both also pro except me.haiz

bb

if ure wondering

if ure wondering y so long onli i put a music playlist..coz i dunno how to put..lolz..rly!!!now enjoy it

tagged by adwin ..grrr

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 5 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.


WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: air kotak.lolz
2. Last phone call: mom is it?
3. Last text message: Chew kit
4. Last song you listened to: beautiful akon!!
5. Last time you cried: thursday i guess..lolz

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: dunno forgot
7. Been cheated on: no
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: no regrets
9. Lost someone special: yes
10. Been depressed: oiii....of coz laa..ask sumore
11. Been drunk and threlw up: never drink alcoholic drink before..serious

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. black
13. blue
14. white

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: forgot
16. Fallen out of love: Yes
17. Laughed until you cried: YUP
18. Met someone who changed you: yes..totally changed me..how i wish i can b with her back
19. Found out who your true friends were: dunno
20. Found out someone was talking about you: no
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: dunno
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all of them
23. How many kids do you want to have: at least 3
24. Do you have any pets: no.i hate animals
25. Do you want to change your name: no..jin rocks
26. What did you do for your last birthday: go home and sleep and waiting for the farewell
27. What time did you wake up today: 9am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleep la..
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: sleep
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 15 mins ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: myself
32. What are you listening to right now: beautiful by akon
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: tommy got
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: doing work and studying
35. Most visited webpage: blogspot
36. Whats your real name: Siew Ming Jin
37. Nicknames: leon..jin..
38. Relationship Status: single and not available..wat the hell is that?
39. Zodiac sign:leo
40. Male or female?: male
41. Elementary?: SK2 jalan meru
42. Middle School?: high school klang
43. High school/college?: dunno yet
44. Hair colour: black
45. Long or short: tall a bit
46. Height: forgot
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: dunno
48. What do you like about yourself?: my maths?lolz
49. Piercings: i hate that
50. Tattoos: i hate tattoos
51. Righty or lefty: righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: almost can consider one..when i fell down.
53. First piercing: none
54. First best friend: terence and chee hong
55. First sport you joined: badminton
56. First vacation: at home sleep
58. First pair of trainers: dun care

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: nothing
60. Drinking: nothing
61. I'm about to: sleep.haha
62. Listening to: jay chou's song
63. Waiting on: sleeping

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: yea
65. Get Married?: yea
66. Career?: Electrical and Electronic Engineer

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: lips
68. Hugs or kisses: kisses
69. Shorter or taller: Taller
70. Older or Younger: younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: dunno ..
73. Sensitive or loud: loud
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: No
77. Drank hard liquor: No
78. Lost glasses/contacts: yea
79. Sex on first date: nope
80. Broken someone's heart: yea..but now my heart's broken also.
82. Been arrested: Never
83. Turned someone down: Ya
84. Cried when someone died: no
85. Fallen for a friend?: dunno how to say this


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: yes
87. Miracles: totally yes!!
88. Love at first sight: not sure
89. Heaven: yes
90. Santa Claus: no!!
91. Kiss on the first date: yes
92. Angels: Ya

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no
95. Did you sing today?: a bit
96. Ever cheated on somebody?:no
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: 5 years ago..where i can change everything
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: when we first started
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: no..if i fell in love with the right person
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: not sure


100 truths for you :

- lazy
-to
- tag
- anyone
- but
- adwin koh.haha

sadness

i saw her today..i dare not look at her..i just dunno y..i rly rly rly wanna talk 2 her..but then dunno wat to talk bout....also dunno how to start a topic...then she went off d..haiz..sad....now i dunno wether shud i msg her or not..will she bz studying for 2mr?i dun care!!!!!i duwan study now also nvm..i can stay up....but i just wanna talk 2 her...just dunno wether shud i talk or not..later shes bz studying..or wat.....haiz..i rly felt like so dead....dunno wat to do also...at least today saw her..im kinda worried that i cant c her today...at least that cure my sickness a bit..or else i rly cant bare the pain without seeing her now...i rly wanna see her!!!!!!so glad that shes fine rite now..i just dunno hows shes doing after that saturday..i rly wanna talk 2 her..but how?haiz...i just dunno wat to do...shud i msg her or not?shud i leave her alone?i dunno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i rly duwan to miss her ..but i rly miss her...i cant sleep again tonite i think..i cant study again tonite.2mr got sejarah and ekonomi asas.till now i also haven rly remember all the facts..how to study if i keep missing her?haiz..wat shud i do?shud i b selfish and just talk 2 her to cure my sickness..or just leave her alone??but then im so scared shes might b bz..haiz..how???how????????how??????????????rly felt like crying again.

zzzz..

can u pls kill me rite now?

all these days,while im sitting for exams....i cant help but keep thinking of her..i cant stop !!!i can stop it!!!!i just want to calm down and think of the answer..but i kept thinking of her..i rly can control myself..i really rather duwan sit for the exam and just sit at home and just lie down on my bed and sleep.its like so torturing.whenever i take out my book to study.i cant study.masuk sini keluar sana.i just cant!!!!!!!!i keep thinking of her.wats shes doing?hows she?is she fine?shud i sms her?!!!!!!al these keep rotating in my head..i rly wanna throw away all these and tell myself im so so so so so so fine rite now..but i cant..i just cant..
ever since the saturday,i keep thinking of her..i cant sleep yesterday coz of her.every nite!!!!!!!!!!i cant sleep!!!!!!i just think of her..waiting...mayb she will msg me..who knows!!but !!!!wat happen?ntg ntg ntg ntg !!!!i rly felt like so worthless and dead.i never ask her 2 msg me also but i was like hoping that she will msg me..y m i so dumb!!!!!

just now,i rly cant stand it anymore.at skul i start to rly cant stand it anymore.i felt like screaming out loud.i felt like i duwan to write anymore.i felt like i duwan to sit for exam anymore.i felt like just wanna skip exam..but at last still take.im sure my results are gonna b very bad.then came home,i stare at the monitor,i was wandering..shud i sms her or not?im sure she will never msg me..thatz y i had to make the first move.but i cancelled it.i rly duwan to disturb her..i rly duwan her to feel that im annoying.i just ignored.as time goes by..i felt more more more worse.i rly rly cant stand it.i just want to talk 2 her..at least say a bit of things..i rly cant stand it..at that point i just felt like u kill me better d la..rather than wasting my time thinking bout her..i rly cant stand it at all.i roll on my bed .kept rolling..thinking of wat to do?shud i msg or not.finally i took up my phone and type hi..and then i put in the number.and then before i press the send button,i think again,im sure she will b bz or wtv.then i will b so disapppointed.even if we talk,im sure she wun wanna talk 2 me also...but then another side of me told me...try la talk...if u dun make the first move and change urself..world's not gonna change..i moved my thumb and bout to press send..i push..!!!i push!!!!!! no matter how hard i push..i cant push the button..im so worried wat kind of respond i might get..im so worried that she might b having bad mood.im so worried if i say something then she might not like it..but i cant stand it !!!!i rly wanted to talk 2 her..but i rly dun hv anything to talk..i just want her to talk 2 me instead..but i rly dunno wat to talk!!!!!!!!how can u sms someone but dunno wat to talk bout!!!!!!i rly felt like dying..i tried again and with my eyes closed..finally i press the button.but i quickly throw my phone away and closed myself with my blanket...im scared...wat will she say?

waited...10 mins...like so damn long..it made me felt like 10 hrs..then i told myself..thatz it..this is useless..i type bye.and then went to crying..i knew it..this will happen.....how come im so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i know this will happen!!!!!!i knew it!!!!!!!!!!y m i still so stupid and want to play with fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i cant help but cried myself..i just wish...i just wish im half dead.

then at around 3pm.she sud msged.i just felt like ...its pointless..im dead....we just talked a while and then i said bye...
after that i thot to myself..im so stupid.im so dumb.im so useless..i knew this will happen..i knew even i dare myself to talk 2 her,she also wun make me feel better.im so dumb.i shud know that she will never know wats going on with me.im sure she will nvr care how sad i am..at that point.i rly wish to say : "i miss u"...i rly wish to say it..i rly want to tell her i miss her so much.i rly wanna tell that...but i stopped myself again.i knew she wun b happy to hear that.i knew she will never care at all.haiz..im so dumb.i shud know she wun even care Y I WOULD SMS HER FOR NOTHING???when she asked..i just said coz i got ntg to do..is this the reason y?!?!?!!?!!!is this y!?!?!?!?!noooooooo?>!?!?!who would dare himself to try something that will make him sad???onli me!!!!who will try and do something stupid and assume the girl would understand wats hes going thru??i assumed she will know wat im going thru and i rly miss her..but then .............even if she knows...she wun care...

im so stupid.im so dumb.can u please just let me go?i duwan to keep sufffering everyday...can i have another solution?no matter how hard i try to concentrate and study for exams,i still think of her.i might not msg her...but i rly miss her a lot.....i rly do...

i miss u

can i stop dreaming?

can i dun dream?can i just dream bout other things?why a two hour nap can lead to that dream?haiz.

y must i dream bout her?

miss u so much

missing u so much

now how kan cheong u r?hahahah

yesterday nite..alrite..like any other people..i was thinking of study a bit of add maths..coz i was so bz studying other subject till i got no time for add maths..i decided to study it.so i plan to wake up at 4 or 5 to study a bit ..coz i rly wanna get 100 this time..

but...
it turned out that i cant sleep the whole morning till 3am then sleep d..lolz..this is wat happen if u sleep in the evening.haiz..

then today..add maths paper 2...duwan say d la..sad..not that i did very badly..but then ...think i cannot get 100 anymore..haiz..i think i will surely wrong.not that i know i wrong d..i dun even dare to check back but then i got no confident.like last time im so so so so confident i will get 100 .but this time nope.im not getting 100 for add maths.i just lost my confidence.dun talk bout it la.after coming back from add maths kuiz i lost my confidence in my add maths.just felt like im no longer good in add maths..haiz..when can i regain my confidence?wait..lets hope my trial i can score 100.coz this time rly din study add maths.i know la as usual also rarely study add maths but this time rly no confidence..haiz..sucks man..

ok enuff..then yesterday nite..was smsing with xin yi.just talk bout how to pay me back for the genting room money.then talk not so much also la..then sud she stop smsing.so i mah lied down till 3 pm..cant rly sleep.sud she sms back.swt..so reply.after that she reply again..i dozed off d..

i dunno wat paper shes sitting..but then dun nid so kan cheong maa..if u say sejarah or history mayb every1 fears it so stay up to study ok laa..but then if not..i guess dun nid so kan cheong maa..im not saying shes dumb enuff to stay up..im just saying if u rly wanna stay up also hard subjects la..heheh..ok la..mayb u have difficulty in that subject but not in sejarah or bio..im diff..i actually wanna stay up study sej..end now sleep..and the next day so damn damn blur ..haiz..this time sejarah also die d..now 2mr is bio paper 2...shud i stay up?i rly scared i fell asleep again like sejarah..coz this yr like lost motivation to study.and after i got no last from the back...every1 starts saying....ure genius..ure clever...ure so smart...u so pro...waa 100!!...cut it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so wat if im rly that good in academy?im merely getting it coz i duwan to lose out in competition to see who get the top place.im merely studying for it .and i cant blieve my mom said u lost interest in study is it?hellloooooooooo...i have never said i love study..u tell me..i never tell any1 esp them i love studying..i hate studying.i think success in life is not rly dependent on how much and how good ure studying.its more than studying..but i believe education is important.no matter hows ur approach on studying..the most important is u stay competitive with others and reach high education level.that is important.to keep urself consistent.stay in the first cls all the time.to get into university.to maintain ur grades.that is important.set ur targets and reach it.thatz important!!!not just bcz u wanna get no1..that y u study..every1 got diff target.set urself one and tell urself to achieve it.like me..i admit i targeted no 1..and i got no 1...so ...its diff ppl diff target.never set urself too high to b achieved.since im aledi no1..please dun say anymore im smart...i have to maintain my grades ...thats it..that is how study shud b.not just bcz i wanna get no 1 and smarter than every1.if lets say a person who always get around 20 out of 40 students..then he/she must work hard to no 15..or no 10...and maintain it ...thats studying..not like every1 also rebut no1 and wanna get good marks..maintain grades consistently and get into University is how we shud study.since i know im like this this standard..thatz y i set no 1.and since i get it..please dun come and say like Shu ee sud out of nowhere say ..coz ure top student ma..omg !!!!!!!!!!!!im not saying ure wrong la shu ee..just that dun keep saying it ler..paiseh u know..wat if sud im not anymore..damn sia sui u know..ok enuff crap..i wanna study bio d..see la if i got enery i stay up...if not im gonna sleep...rly totally lost motivation to study.

rape rape rape!

alrite..since its exam time i dun hv much time to wanna really comment bout rapess!!!!!!!!
be excited..i know u r excited ..



sorry to say that im here no to teach u anything bout how to rape or watsoeva.

i was very anguished looking at today's newspaper article bout these two girls who r cousins being gang-raped by a total of 9 men.ok ...swt..

i admit.at skul sometimes i would really look whenever i see the word rape or sometimes even rap coz its so close to each other.just dun hv the word e.so we will look at how these people r raping girls such as putting brinjals or cucmber into the V.................so...i admit i do laugh sometimes but that doesn show that im heartless.im just pretty much worried deep in my heart actually.

second,i admit im pervert.but does that means i will tend to commit these crimes?no!!!!!!i had enuff of everyday's raping.and i think its becoming worse and worse everyday.so things must b done to prevent rapes.i will never commit to a rape no matter how sexually induced i am.rape is like the most idiot act that a criminal can do.I am pervert but i will never rape!!!!

there are spaces for women's right and i think people just ignored it.it made me angry everytime looking at other ppl trying to get a gf just for sex.and i heard one of my skulmate's whos now i dunno dropout or not...raped a girl.yes!!!u heard me..my skul..not rape la..means he asked for sex and she gave him.so like that.swt!!!!i rly felt like punching him and chopping his P.............. off.

so wat to expect?

1)Causes of rapes
2)Victim's Profile(i dun have their profile la..but based on wat i perceived,i deduced.its important to see if u also fall into the group which make u vulnerable to rapes)
3)How to protect yourself(i dun say pepper spray or wtv..coz all these are aledi wat u have learnt.but something which comes from my mind)

alrite..enuff..see la when im free.i wasnt rly happy at all bout the inceasing rape number.especially if u have frens who r girls who u really wun b happy to learn something bad happen to them rite?or u have relatives.and the most important is when u have someone so special in ur life that u cannot even touch now..but rly wish she is safe all the time.

u hurt me

yesterday came back from chemistry class and then went to online.after that went into my rm and thought of something..

shits its her again.i cant help but being touched even by the slighest things that she had done for me.i hold myself back.trying not to let my tears flow.i duwan to cry!!!i duwan to cry!!!after much thinking,i cant stand it anymore.i rly wanna talk 2 her.i rly miss her...i cant hold back.i cant act cool.i cant act that i duwan care anymore.i cant ignore her!!i felt so guilty myself.i felt like i didnt do my job well during those times

so i took the initiative.i made the first move.i started with a hello.and then we started to chat a bit.i told myself..no matter how long i have to wait.and no matter wat she reply..i must b patient and stay cool.i did it.then we stop.then i asked her again for her result.no reply.was very very sad..and felt no mood in studying.quickly lied down on my bed and took a nap.then woke up.still no msg.sighz.then took the move again.asked again.but was like..."r u there" .........."no im not"........"hows it"........."bye bye"........"dun feel so bad..u can always try again"........."please dun talk 2 me bye"

at that moment.i felt the most striking pierce.i felt like my heart is rly rly crushed,pummelled and shaved.i cant help it.i told myself to b patient and cool.i duwant to act emo.i bet shes aledi feeling very emo.no point telling her im emo too bcz of the way u treat me.i tolerated.i kept quiet.but i rly wish to know wat happened.i rly wish to listen 2 her.i rly wish to stay with her and go thru this part with her.but...............was rejected.i know im prepared for this...but at least...she can say like im tired..i need to rest.ttyl.but.......................................................it was like a total reject.sighz..wat have i done wrong?i cant bare the pain.i cant take it.i rly !!!!!cant!!!!!!!!!!!!
i tried to scream loudly in my heart.i tried to look at the words in the text book trying to forget it but i cant.i rly wanted to call her at that time..but i rly tried to stop myself.

i never expect her to treat me nice..at least not that way to say it.i rly rly rly rly rly dunno where m i heading...one time im saying im going serious.one time im being touched by her again.everytime when im touched by her,i will feel like talking to her..just to make her happy and cheer her up to indirectly say sry to her.and see if she needs any help.but was like everytime get rejected..i rly dunno where m i heading.can anyone please make me forget bout all these crap.can any please make me forget bout all these problems?!!!!!is there any1 listening~!!!!!god!!!!where r u when i need u the most??time may b the best cure for sadness..but then i cant...its real hard.its like everytime i have ntg to do ,i will think of her.its like so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i rly dun understand...y must i face this problem?y dun i just stop myself from messaging her.then i wudnt have to face all these craps.i knew she will never approach me,so i approached her..but then got rejected like this...

i had been with her for quite some time.i know wat type of person she is...thatz y i tried to approach her first..i knew if for the whole day of yesterday,she will never even msg me once.sometimes she will msg me..but not all the time...i actually told myself that during this exam period,im not gonna even msg her once.bcz its exam..i duwan to get distracted.secondly,i will normally get rejected ...so i will b emo bout it...third,i rly wish to forget bout her as soon as possible.i dun mind if she msg me...i will b the happiest in the world..but then...i know she rarely does.she will rarely do it.so its like waiting for something wrong or impossible to happen altho yes sometimes she does.but very few times onli.

at nite,came a message "harlo"i quickly close my eyes.i was like a bit excited.i know its her i know its her i know its her!!!!then i slowly opened my eyes to find that another girl messaged me.oooohhh.....i was so so so so so so so disappointed.at that moment rly felt so worthless..


this life is short.live ur life to the fullest.

history again!

do u have any idea bout my history paper 2day?

normally i can answer all 5 essay questions with no sweat.and i can show off how i can do all 5.but this time round i cant.swt.rly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can onli answer the minimum 3 questions.ok F it.
and i cant answer some of them.and structure too..
so...i rly rly gonna die..rly wish can get 80 % enuff.which means A1.coz this yr rly no time study sejarah.haiz..and study that time cant masuk otak also..haiz..die

just now i went back to old skul..was very very fun..we had a lot of fun here and there.rly brought me back my old memories..but still..life must go on.i cant stop here.i had a long journey to go

i hate history

ok..if u asked..i rly hate history and i never rly like it.

but then i had no problem in scoring history as i can rly memorise..but now..........

shit man!!!history paper 2 is tomorrow and im now online-ing coz i cant memorise anymore.its as if my power of memorising had aledi gone away.swt..power?i mean ability!!!!!altho i rly dun like bio and history but still i can cope...but now my history is getting worse!!!

shit man.die la..i edi manage to study everything but haven memorise nia.haiz..im dead.i was at guardian just now.then study halfway cant rly masuk otak.so gave up.first time i cant study history.now im trying to study it again.but still hard.haiz..no choice.rather than go 2 sleep.i must try first la.

ok..im not supposed to talk bout her anymore but..yesterday evening before going 2 ekonomi tuition.i took a nap.coz too tired.altho supposed to study bm but then got too tired and slept instead.during those nap.i dreamt bout her.i totally forgot wat i dreamt bout ..but i rly dreamt bout her.when i woke up,i quickly think bad bout a dream.im so scared that something bad happened 2 her.its rare that i dream bout her...sighz...at that time when i dream bout her its the third time.so..im so scared..i rly wish to call her right away.i still rmb her number vividly.but then i cancelled my intention as she ..might b bz..or she might not want me 2 disturb her..or she might just b fine..and im just syiok sendiri and so paranoid.im so scared..then today errmm saw her..pheew rly was relieved.and remember i said i dreamt when my grandma's bro passed away.that was the second time i dreamt bout her.it was totally irrelevant but now i rmb back d.it was like this.i dreamt she was holding two bags..i duno y two.two large bags and like going to somewhere.something like packing to leave here.she acted cruel to me and treated me rudely.i dunno wat happen next..but that is how i dreamt.sighs...when im in examination time and when my brain rly needs to b nerdy,i swayed to all these love again.i thot im optimistic enuff to think that nothing's gonna change.no matter wat..spm is important first.theres no use wasting my time..if i rly wanna change myself and b given another chance,i can think bout it after spm..but then i rly hate it when admist exam,i was disturbed by all these.i duwan her to leave..i seriously dun.and i wish i dun leave here too..but then................its like being called by someone..to leave here..to go out from here.and show the world wat im made of.and to avoid the love that made my heart break.avoiding doesnt solve anything but at least i hope i can rly forget her..i rly wish to b given another chance to love her again.but........i dun get wat i wish for..so i thot the best way is to forget bout all these and start over again.bcz if im rly waiting for these to happen,i will ignore my everything.i just wanna b with her again....but the problem is ...the future is very uncertain..i might rly leave here...i might not...if im not..i still had to continue my studies..but i can no longer see her anymore...at least the pressure is not there..then we can find time to find back the lost love..but...like wat i said..i cant c her anymore..so i think the best way is to forget bout her.i dun have to put out my studies for now and dun hv to waste time after spm for soul-searching..trying to find back my love..even if we rly can still b frens..but its very uncertain.the best way is just forget bout her.even if we still can talk and b frens after spm,im sure i wun b burdened everytime that i miss her.if i rly forget her and we r still frens..at least if the love rly comes back...i wun feel so desperate before that.which means if i dun forget bout her ...i will b so desperate everyday.so...i rly wish i can forget bout her now..and then b frens and lastly find back the lost love unconciously and unintentionally.

some of u might rly know wat i felt..
its like..i found it..
i found the one i want..
i rly want to b with her
im willing to fight everyday just to listen to her voice.im willing to tolerate most of the things..im willing to take it lightly even at the time when we r rly seriously mad or angry at each other.i just duwan to break up!!!
so wat if my parents like to argue everyday(a fact u all never knew).but they r still together.so wat if other parents out there argue everyday.they never divorce just bcz of small arguements.the cause of most divorce would b cheating on each other.and we had not do it.so ...i was thinking actually we r supposed to b more matured and always tolerate each other.y other husbands and wives never divorce altho they always fight?bcz they actually still love each other in the deep of their heart.they r willing to just wait till when they can think properly and forgif each other.not just bcz of small things went mad and wanna divorce whereelse gif themselves and each other time to think first and talk few days later.i rly wish this is how we argue.at least we wun take an immediate decision.i knew some of the couples out there who never broke up altho they had a big fight.that is how things r supposed to b.like my skul's iu director had a bf.i heard she said they fight like mad sometimes and never talk 2 each other for like days..but they r still together.whenever they fight they stop talking first.and then still get back together.they never say want to break up or wtv.im not saying all of u r stupid for breaking up easily.everyone of u had a choice bout how u handle ur own love.im just saying this is how i wish things can b ..coz me myself want this type of system.i rly duwan to break up..

ok enuff..i wanna study sejarah

death

today was a bit weird.

i dreamt.
i forgot wat i dreamt.but i know its unrelevant.
then i woke up at around 6.am.this is weird.usually i can hardly wake up.but this time i woke up and continued to lie down.the alarm on my phone kept ringing like a church bell.i ignored it altho its damn damn annoying.

then i woke up to get a shower.my mom came and said in half mandarin and half english:

"Grandma's youngest brother had passed away.At around 4am."
that actually shocked me a lot but i remain calm and acted fine.i actually really wish to know more.but i just went to take my shower first.after im finished,i thot to myself how life can b so short.hes not exactly young but then he has a wife and an adopted son to take care of.Hes working in pasar malam.so,if the breadwinner is gone,i had a slight sympathy for his family.

Just imagine how short life is.i dunno wats his age.but its around 60 i guess.that is no longer young but still his adopted son is still very very young.around 7 or 8 onli.

i looked at myself.im so scared to die.and then now its like exam and im going genting soon.so kinda worried it might affect myself alot.its like ur relative just passed away and u still can go genting enjoy.i haven told my father i changed the day to saturday.but now hes trying to help his family to arrange funeral or somesort.bad things happen a lot.so now i guess hes kinda bz.by telling him this,he might not rly care even if we used rm 464 for booking.nothing compare to life,birth and death.If someone is bout to born.everyone rejoices.if someone passed away,everyone mourns.so,wateva it is,i do not want to stop down here and think how am i going to genting and how i wanna pursue my family.i dunno.i just wait for the situation comes.its unlike me.the usual me will b planning first before it happens.but not,its death.i must pay my respect indirectly.

something i realised.i used to watch this reality show where this girl said she dreamt bout her father when he passed away.when she woke up,she found out her father passed away.so i am almost in the same situation except that i dream bout nonsense which i aledi forgot.it made me scared that the next time i dream i might dream someone close to me and might wake up finding out by something bad happened.

aunties

yesterday nite i went out.
so was standing near a mamak shop.its around 7pm.then suddenly a group of aunties for 4 people came and wanna eat at mamak.

now.think how ironic it is?






















First,They are aunties at around 30 or 40 plus.and i thot normally a group of people around teenagers will go to mamak and eat.these Chinese aunties are eating there
Second,its 7 pm halooooooooooooooooooo.and its saturday nite.ure supposed to feed ur own family rite?means 4 families at the same time are left without food unless they all four families are attending a party at the same time or something else.rite?if ure out here at 7pm whos at home cooking?
Third,most of the chinese aunties and uncles onli go 2 chinese shops.they love the old chinese taste.but they went to mamak.so this is weird.
unless all of them r not married.but........they all kinda fat oooops.so i assume they have given birth.most of the women r fat after giving birth.so they must have given birth.

well,i dun oppose old people trying to b young and eat outside at mamak.
and i cant judge them yet just bcz its 7 pm.
so...............................im just writing how weird i felt when these aunties who looked like married and at around 40's can go out and eat at mamak?weird rite?and they eat mamak food?dun tell me they r so racially-united that they dun mind?i mean they might like nasi lemak but then normally they will prefer going to chinese restaurant for DINNER.
im not scolding them weird or wat.i started to think that peculiar

its not over

if u think that things are not that bad for me yet.
i lost my calculator at mgs.

i thot im gonna find it back ytd
but it turned out not.

but nvm..life...must continue.so from now i gotta study hard d.

untitled

i thot bout it myself.i realised something.
i did not buy last year's photo.yeeap.i did not!
y?
coz i thot im gonna buy it this year.
but since.............
im not inside the photo..
theres no point buying it also...
zzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i had to bare with the small size picture in our skul mag.

yesterday nite was ok..i wasnt in any mood of studying..
no mood.just lied down on my bed and sms and sms.
thx for making me feeling better.yeah..better a bit onli.i was better before i sleep.i start smiling.
but after i woke up today.im still sad bout it.i still cant get over it .worse...i wasnt rly happy after i rmb i did not buy last yr's photo.looks like i can onli keep the photo of sixth klang sea scout with me.i bought quite a lot and big sizes wan.
yeah.my pride but then wait till i turun pangkat then ull know how much i rly love sixth klang.

losing

i know a lot of ppl in this world and every1 i know lost before..competition kuiz contest tournament..losing for them is like ntg special and can win back other time..

im so kia su that i cant afford to lose.
i admit i lose before.
but i rly duwan to lose.and i gave all i can to win.
this sucks.i plan my studies..i gav all i can in my bio in this..coz i just duwan to lose..i know im weak thatz y i put extra effort.but do u hav any idea bout how how how sad i am?its like add maths.i put so much effort but still din win.and after that i said bio kuiz suddenly wanna enter...then now also lose..haiz..i think im im so so so so weak..so useless..im so lucky that i was chosen..coz no1 wanna join..and end up losing

after much quiz.today's biology quiz is the first one i lost.at least add maths kuiz which my skul got no 5,wun considered thatbad..but today rly rly sucks..i know my bio is not that good.so i rly rly studied for it.
but it turned out i still lose.i rly rly duno wat to say and wat to do rite now.i admit im not good in bio..so i rly worked hard for it.but it seems like we still din win..haiz..i rly rly rly damn fucked up rite now.of coz la..i just pretend im ok at the quiz that time.but then when im now at home,i rly rly cant think of the feeling of losing.now i think i rly rly rly had to study hard d.they say ure good enuff to represent skul..so wat?fuck it man.i want win!i want victory.

our skul got no9.out of 33 skuls.
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i rly never felt so bad before.at least must get no 5..but still cant..
i rly rly dunno wat to do.later after add maths wanna eat kau kau.

and if u think im not unlucky enuff..fuck it man.today they took a phto.and as im outside.guess wat ..im left out from the photo.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....my final yr here is ruined by this stupid bio kuiz that i didnt even win.at least my face appear on the stage taking pic with other winners at ppd,that made me happy a bit.but .....my face cant appear in skul magazine.u cant c me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thatz y i said its like wasting all my efforts and then made my face empty at skul magazine

no manners

before i start saying anything

fuck u ivan

today,my physics teacher skul wan..get damn damn damn angry and pissed off.suddenly every1 like mocking her and jeering at her.of coz she will rly get pissed off.she went out and came back and wanna gif out another graph paper.then ivan suddenly make some nonsense behind.i myself cant stand it and laugh quietly.then mana tau out of nowhere she suddenly say

"ming jin,y r u laughing.u have no manners."

fuck u ivan.

backwood cooking

alrite ..after get into the office.i had once organised a fire-lighting activity.we just let some pass the test and no food.y?coz I HATE BACKWOOD COOKING.seriously.i had been in here for five years..during my last 4 years every year we will do backwood cooking.and i rly hate that.y?first,we go back late coz we had to build fire and eat.second,after that eat so little..swt..third,its damn hot!!!fourth,made me thirsty.fifth,the fire keeps had to b jaga.not enuff kayu how?

thatz y i nvr rly like backwood cooking.but this year!my final year in sixth klang backwood cooking was superb.y?coz im committee la..haha..this year we committee just poke our nose to any patrol as we like and eat any food as we want.coz today onli got me ,terence swee joo and eng loy.four of us!!!haha..sangkara go 2 tuition.so we like go anywhere we like and take any food we want.and since the patrol leader expect more ppl 2 come,we ate the extra food for them.y i like this year backwood cooking?

no more light up fire.no nid to sacrifice myself to build fire which im too pro d.haha.free food and lastly damn kenyang.every year!without fail i will end up so hungry coz its like so little food and once i light up fire,i will b too tired to eat anymore.this year.ate damn many hot dogs and nuggest fishball and roti lilit and ayam!!!!damn song la.i just take any food i want and then just put on sticks and put any patrol i want.whenever i come,they like invite me..come la..put here..i was like ok..nice!hahahahaha...and then,since its mine.......TL........every1 scared to make it drop.they did b extra careful.hahaha..so this year was like damn nice.anytime i wanna snatch food i just say"come over here"take it and say do ur own wan again.hahaha..no la where got damn bad till like that.then was like two cars so sot loo..first,one lau ah ma stop and dunno bull wat shit.second a group of girls sud shout for no reason.i guess we r too hamsem..but i was like stare at them and gif them a stupid frigtening face..hahah and ask u got problem?then like every year since the place we do backwood cooking is near the road,passerby saw and then keep looking.rly!!!every year also got ppl look at us.next time i shud do more activities at there,at least every1 will look and make them feel like joining scouts more.haha..

rly damn syiok la.!!its like ppl cook finish the chicken and they belanja me eat.i was like hmm..ok la ok la..hahaha..then after finish,let them rest while we committee rest inside.damn syiok resting.but actually we plan for treasure hunt d.then was like after rest enuff.turunkan bendera.end up whole day din marching..coz too tired d.

y?
coz fourth klang also do backwood cooking.so i was like before they steal the kayu,we quickly do first.then i decided marching is afterward.end up din march.

weird but true.its normal.when i kumpulkan every1 before i let them drink,i said if form 1 cant even keluar baris,all cant drink.then when i say form 1 keluar baris,they keluar baris ..haha..usuallly teach so hard also cant keluar baris,this time keluar baris.

desperation huh?
ok enuff!definitely my last yr in sixth klang left me great times in backwood cooking.
now i know it feels nice to b committee.hahaha

and then stupid ex-committee came back.tulan!!!stupid seng why go and continue making fire altho we edi onli need the heat.and kok seng said if go camp,malukan sixth klang..bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla..at least better than u ..using oil.we din even use a single drop of oil except just throw sabut inside.

im so stupid all along

stupid stupid stupid!

alrite.now i have switched myself to the maximum old me.im no longer the cheerful,talkative and energetic me.
i get to the old me in form 4.
very very very secluding.and u shall see me walking with books.
y?
studies getting worse.
wanna start preparing d
its not worth the wait which i edi stop long ago
its not worth all the pain that i had everytime talking to her

the truth is:
i still felt very very hurtful whenever i talk 2 her.
i just felt like whenever i talk 2 her,she just like no mood wanna talk 2 me.i dunno is it bcz shes tired or wat.
i tried to fake a smile that i cant even fake anymore.coz i duwan her to get upset and spoil her mood
i tried to randomly say anything so that we can talk forever.

but still.
it hurts me everytime and i cant tell her im rly hurt whenever she talk 2 me in a tiring and boring mood as if shes not interested to talk at all
it hurts me everytime she talk to others in a cheerful way but me!
it hurts me whenever she knows im in trouble and she dun gif a damn bout it.
it hurts me most..................

so hopefully this will b the last one im talking bout her.realised i rly rly rly start changing not over a new leaf but then over the old person i am.

its not worth it to sacrifice my study just to make myself sad everyday.
study is important but wat more important for me is actually the feeling of winning.im studying for myself and also to make myself contented when i surpass others.
its like im waiting for something so so so so so so impossible to happen.
i rly wish i before i rly rly rly completely change myself to the old me,i can tell in front of her before i rly forget her and stop loving her that time..

I love u
u!
u!
u!
u!
I love u!
heng sue may

so that at least before i forget and stop loving her,she still knows i rly love her

im rly scared one day i wake up and stop thinking bout her.just like this morning.im not scared of forgetting her..but im scared that before i forget her,i forget to tell her one last time that i love her.imagine one day waking up forgetting her.it rly made me felt guilty as if i owe someone something which she might not feel im owed 2 her,but i will feel.

i wanna study!

ok..i think i hav been playing too much for this year..seriously playing too much.actually i had no diff from last yr.last yr also like that play play sleep sleep..but dunno y this year my result is rly dropping..first,mayb i rly din study laaa...this yr bio and sej din study la..bio got la chap 1 ..then onli realised damn big la chapter 1..at last din finish it.then come out chapter 1 and 2 form 5 and all chapter from form 4..but luckily still can answer all form 4 question.luckily chapter 2 din come out a lot.or else rly dead.then sejarah like chapter 2 and 3 form 5..coz most of my weekend spent on bio.then sejarah no time.die d la..chapter 2 and 3 blank.luckily got come out esei form 4..pheew..managed to save me from fail.first i thot sure fail d la..mana tau so lucky.then est.dun say la..its not a studying sub.dunno how to score also..but get damn damn damn low.moral also drop..but at least din get A2..hopefully teacher change mark.the rest all drop.haiz..rly wanna study d..i thot this yr aiya last yr din study also can get good marks..dun nid la..mana tau drop damn teruk.ok..!!!!i wanna study d!!!cant play anymore.esp physics.while doing the longman question..haiz..shit man..i cant solve it.im rly lacking out in physics.then now electric topic in form 5 also i blur..how to b double E engineer???!!!!so thatz y i told myself must love this chapter no matter wat..but now still kinda blur bout electricity..seriously!


btw,today got this teknik menjawab programme by an experienced moral teacher.overall wat he said was all correct.no mistake and no scepticality.but it was damn funny.coz i got damn bored with wat hes saying.i saw this bio book beside my fren.coz they all serious looking then i mah take and find reproduction.haha..i saw this part.how EJACULATION happen(psst.if u dunno wats that then u better not knowing it)..then onli i know..ooooo..i was like ooooo...ok ok..this is great!!seriously i think the level is sumwhere pre u or u level d.coz its rly very detailed.and they talked bout menstrual cycle..which is so normal d for me.and they said theres four part in sexual intercourse.please dun read if u feel like vomiting now or u felt too "geli".First,the "passion"it will start like erection(ehem..please dun tell me u dunno this) and for female....errmm..shud i say it?something swellls..ehem..thatz a big hint ok...of coz they cant erect but something swells..omg !!!!im getting hamsap d..hahaha..Second,i dunno wat is it called but it says the heart pump faster.Third,orgasm..ehem..please dun tell me u dunno wats this..i know this word like since form 1..impossible u dunno wat..its before ejaculation for god heaven sake..orgasm is the part where both gender (according to the book) experiences extreme please.thatz y people r seeking for sex..for the extreme and physical pleasure..hahahaha...then the last part i dunno wat name is it..its the part where ur "passion" comes down and then things goes back to normal.

ok enuff!!i actually read more..next time wanna read form 6 bio d..more infos..hahhaa..or else u read the form 5 chapter 4 bio...like so little info nia..hahhaah..
ok enuff!!!im getting pervert..yeah while ppl study moral i was reading bio reproduction

mad ne-yo

part of ne-yo's mad ..quite meaningful

She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Ummm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)
And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fighting

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed, mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Umm
and it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing
(asking questions like you already know)
hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing
(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, what happened to working it out?)
We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?

it has been two months aledi.n i still cant forget this.this sucks man.i rly wish i can b given another chance to love her.but this sucks.i m forced to forget bout her.just imagine another chance after my spm.but...........i want it ...i might not get it.this sucks

albert einstein cried

ok.just watched a bit of albert einstein life in history channel.

then saw the part when he had to divorce with his children and wife.his best fren fritz haber said he cried for the first time.fritz haber had never see him crying at all.it shows no matter how nerd u r or how smart u r or how autistic u r.u still have emotions.

i was commented by being low in eq.not onli 1 person.several!i dunno how true is that..but i do cry.i do have emotions.and i cried like so many times.albert einstein even cried for his wife and children.r we excepted??no.m i fakingly crying?no!i never fake any cry.i am just a normal boy.i can cry.i can laugh.and u think that einsten is not sad when he part with his family,think again.he was very sad.in fact he can hardly let go.he still writes letter to his son.soon after that he married his cousin who took care of him well.y?pure genius nid love?who says nerds dun nid love?who says i dun nid love???!!!even thomas alva edison got married and was bz like hell that he rarely come home.but y marry if he knows hes gonna b bz and abandon family?y pure genius also nid love?isnt that wat we,stereotypist normally will think that nerds are nerds,they dun involve in love.no!!!i too nid love.im not faking any cry.im not faking myself.i cry.with my heart.

and then the story of einstein and his wife totally prove my "theory" correct.mr low said that if ure not good in add maths boys wun like u coz ure not smart enuff..i would say thatz wrong.is it rly important to find someone in the same field?i believe that a couple can share same hobbies and interest but never work!!u see,mileva(einstein's first wife) got jealous when einstein was invited to world convention to meet famous physicist.instead of being a good wife who shud b proud of her husband achievement,she got very jealous.coz shes a physicist too.thatz the problem,they r both physicist.if the wife got betta than him,he will feel inferior.if einstein is betta,every1 thot its normal wat,but think bout wat her wife would feel.and a born physicist like her can never tolerate this as like wat u all always say low eq.yeah low enuff that she cant tolerate it.its the same for both man and woman.how can u ask these born physicist to change their mind?they r like stone!

einstein,with also low eq(please stop saying im low in eq),asked his wife to sign a contract.crazy isnt it?married and still nid to sign a contract.some of the rules r like do not disturb him until he finds her himself and also demanded her to prepare food for him.ok.if im his wife i would rly get mad.but then if u rly have a goooood wife,mayb she did b understanding.but for her,i would say im in her same category knows obviously she will disagree.yeah she rly disagree.contract?does than means we r low in eq?no!wat we're doing is full of purpose!

guess no1 rly understand wat im talking bout and no1 understand me!
u dun hv 2 understand me.

meaning of ur name

ok so went to atika's blog and then tried the meaning for my own name.wait before u read,first, they puji like almost every1!!!just imagine is that true or not?and then i read.like almost every1 got the same things nia.ure either good in leadership or ure kind,or ure charming or ure popular or ure enthusiatist or u have goals in life.ok enuff of bullshits u decide wether is it true or not.

please see(not post script):i dont blieve it.its true for me.but i never believe in ur name decides who u r or u r who u r by ur name

here it is

Confident in yourself with a strong mind and creative flair you have the ability to apply your ideas to practical purposes.
i know im not so confident guy.i do have quite a strong mind.im not creative.


Your wisdom and balance means that others seek you out for counsel and guidance.
swt..thx.no1 came 2 me for counsel and guidance.i gave it myself..hahahha..rly rly rly!!!..im not wise anyway..im childlish.very very childlish.

You set high objectives for yourself based on your idealism and then achieve them with boundless energy and determination.
err..i do set hi objectives.yeap idealism!!boundless energy and determination?i thot they say this to every1?

You are loved for your understanding and positive attitude to life.
i do have positive attitude in life.well don want to puji myself.i kinda see things positively sometimes.u see people.always see things positively.no matter how much u hate another person,do not always think negatively bout them!see life in positive way.do not hate wat ure doing.if u have made the decision to involve in something.continue doing it altho u hate it.think for others.if u stop now,in a team,the whole project is gone.whenever i face problem,i will release out my anger and everything,but i do sit down and think how to solve it.not like some who just can rant bout it and do nothing.

so ....campfire!

25 april 2009.

we today went to campfire at SMK SRI SENTOSA.

at morning,we went to skul for our usual boring meeting.yeah i said boring.coz i hate u!!first we do the usual marching...again hav to teach the form 1 members how to march..so long d sucks like mad.i think we r too good to them.thatz y they never learn.u shud look at how i learn marching for the first time.it rly was mind torturing.the one taught me was my now ATL's brother.kena seksa teruk. he edi start let us push up.where else im soooooooo good.if they did a mistake or too much mistake.i will just find something for them to do.just like i asked someone to hug a coconut tree and shout Ure so tall!!!hahah..and another 1 i asked two of them to run to our interact vice president praween(spelling correct?) and say good morning!haha.just imagine laaa..u dun hav to make ppl push up wat ..they're still form 1..but then after flag ceremony for dismissal i loudly pushed up some form 1..at least they must do it.but slowly..then was a meeting between committee...i slamed every1!!!haha..i slammed my own committee members.swt..weird thing if they still can happy and joke joke when i slam them..its ok.haha..then sangkara my ATLa came to realization also.the rest dunno la..i was talking bout wat mistake we had made and how to correct it.i said i realised our batch is like the lester batch.their attendance is good.but then they come here for sixth klang.not as a group of frens.its ok i duwan to talk bout it here.

then we sing song.was quite boring.then play play a bit.boo swee joo and arivanathan ..play play onli wan..then lastly b4 going back i see every1 like so tired and no semangat.ask them do the kodok ngodok!!!hahah..some cheated aa..i saw ..some sit back on the chair where they're supposed 2 squad.. mangkukk!!!!!!!!!!then was like bye bye after flag ceremony.then went back at 1.30 like that..and eat and sleep..wanna save energy for campfire.then 4.30 went to esso..journey starts

haha..was like damn damn damn damn funny..i reached there like 4.30 sharp.around 10 person edi reach!!yes!!good hope in sixth klang thank u for the enthusiasm..but almost all indian..shhhhhhhhhh..hahah..no la..they just together wan actually..they r like cousins and come of coz together la..of coz la swee joo come d..then eat maggie me..
saw KU skul..swt..haha..rly they coming .i rmb i talked 2 them in the campfire,they said they actually went to seremban for campfire..wow!!!so who says they r dead scouts..haha..and i think one of the main factor is that a samad scout transferred to there.so it must be he realived the scout there.ok this reminds me of something bitter.i dunno ..and dnno wat to say..he din tell me he realived la..where got ppl so action wanna b solo.i ask him la i thot u from ku how come the no of ur scout troop not the same in ur shirt.then he explained he changed.so first thing i made like an assumption.it must b him.btw hes a troop leader.so must b him who realived it.

so when to esso toilet and made some ke ching!!!haha..u shud see how we do it.then came out and bus came.i saw the bus near temple.i thot other bus .mana tau we sit the bus.collected money and gone we go!!then wanna reach there.we edi miss the place.coz supposed to u turn.so it was like the roller coaster in bus.the bus wanna u turn so he u turn that time we go up hill a bit like that..then the whole bus senget..i look at the driver..wat the!!!he still can so relax drive.i was like omg omg omg omg please dun topple.then he went down a bit then again!!!when he made a sharp turn i asked him careful stop!!!!he ignored!!haha..then i thot the wheel gonna kena the road.mana tau luckily din kena..pheww..rly..if rly kena imagine the bus will topple.then reach there.then before register took two pics with my members..so entered there.

alrite..i duwan to comment bad bout this campfire or else i will b like some sort of idiots.u see..i had to say this.im rly sry..u see we are placed at a place too near to the speaker.its rly near.its like the speaker is 50cm beside us onli.so we demanded it to b put bhind.and they say it cant b changed saying the bhind cant hear.haiz..firstly,the bhind there still got so many space..but i dun get it.is that the max volume that u can put?u can put it further bhind and then increase the volume wat.this is like crap man.of coz i din sit near speaker.but then my members wat.ntg can b done.this sucks man.

campfire starts..i cant explain all one by one rite..but then free dance was nice..we went out play like so syiok !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and swee joo did something..swee joo i know wat u did last campfire!!hahah...haiz..hes so hopeless..haha..then u shud look at the cheerleaders.the girls wanna watch the band perform.then they sat on the boys.i was like omg!!1i wish i am him!!haha..overall all performances was very very nice.especially the cheerleading.

it ended with firework performance after tap.believe me or not.damn many scouts duno wats taps.lolzzzzzzzzz..when we sing i felt weird coz we r the onli skul that like singing.the rest look at books.lolz..even then mc said u know how to sing rite?haha..then one skul sitting beside us i duwan to tell wat when back after getting souvenir and without singing taps.rly!!!!haha..then ever cheerful and supportive skul..another skul la..i think they also prepare to go back edi after souvenirs..i think they strait away went back before taps..lolz..that was funny!!!

a lot of boo-ing around.i knew wat happen last 5 years ago..more than 5 years ago..so i told myself no boo-ing and fighting..then other skuls r like boo-ing u know.damn wat loo..i wish i can join but then haiz..had to think for the members.so kept quiet.we even kena booed.by who?i dunno.!!!but then i think its either the two skul.damn tulan.
and then when i walk pass by someone..they scolde sixth klang c*ba*yeah..thx man!!!i wish i can say that when i turun pangkat.

after everything over..we carried out our plan.i start to slam every1!!!!!!!!haha..i never knew scold ppl can b damn fun!!!!ok ok serious.it was purposely done.it was edi planned by me before we go 2 campfire.i told swee joo bout it.he gav me like stupid nonses on why we shud scold our member.s i just say dun nid la.smart a bit.simply onli la scold.then rly carried out my plan.i gav my fierce face.ok i rarely scold members.i dun think by scolding and punishing them solve anything.so i rarely do it.but then i wanna take the opportunity to scold them in front of other scouts.to make them humiliated.or else they wun wake up.still playful.not serious.bla bla bla bla!!so was like giving the stupid serious face.we scolded some most kau pe fella.i scolded them a lot.i gav the yelling for no stupid reasons.i gav them advices.such as..u know if u got a girlfren and u go 2 HER hse.pleasE!!!!dun hug in front of her families.i naturally was ok with that.even if my bro got gf and bring home hug in front of me..im ok with that..but not my parents or my brothers..so u might think its ok.but its not..thatz y some ppl failed when they got interviewed by the girl's parents.haha..they even fail b4 interview.first,they will think that ure like a sex manic.second,ure doing it in front of young children.its not healthy.third,they think ure a cassanova.i din touch that for no reason la.i said that coz our fren here got a girlfren from smk taman petaling right after the gathering.so i was saying u dun play till so deep.theres a limit.ure living here anything happen its hard to know.if she got too depressed when u break up how?will u b there to comfort her?no!then wat if she do stupid things?do u know?can u stop it?no!

so dun play with strangers la..more than that i scolded them.i scolded them for not going to campfire.i was saying its not hard.one year three times the most.so wat do u want more?u just pay the most rm 25.is it so hard one year three times.y do i ask u all to come for campfire?to get the experience.we might not organise our campfire ourselves..but think again.do u know y the band vocalist clap his own hand ?to let every1 shout!!do u know y he count down before he sings one last song?to get every1 hi!!!thatz a technique.u have to see it that way.do u knw y he slowly took off his jacket?so that every1 shouts take out ur shirts..see itz technique important for ur own future.if u work and had to organise some sort of concert...u had to know all these.that was like almost how i told them.and then lastly i buka barisan and bout to control pump every1.then i reask.do u want ?every1 say no.do u understand?yes.faham tak!!!!!!!(this time shouted with my fierce face)faham tuan!!!!!!!!then tutup barisan.and went home.when we go inside bus.every1 kept quiet.not even a single one talk.yeah!!!mission accomplished.at least im not like brian.hes worse.he rly pump us.kau lat la that 1.then i thot ku go home d.mana tau their bus got problem.hahaha..so went back together.

home..woke up.IRR run now.im getting lazy.im the laziest interactor..no la joking.it wasnt like this.u see i guess i did a bit of bhind work.sry teh.had to say for iu day also same.for my own personal reason actually.i can help u with deco and back stage works.but not attending the iu day.personal reason.yes im nominated laziest interactor of hsk.rly one year one iu day onli i attend.and again that is for the same personal reason.

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

thx to meng lin.we got invited for the st john's campfire.ok went to st john before d.it was ok laa..not so bad..but then ...its at st john.somewhere near kl tower.i remembered bcz not enuff member we had to take public bus.we ended up sitting the last bus to klang.serious!so this time if want go means go with own bus.or else dun go.after the scolding i doubt many wanna go campfire with us anymore.so even if we r going campfire next time.committee!!!we ownself go!!!hgahahahah..rly serious!ill lie la..if want go means every1 go.then some sure wun go.then i pretend..cancel!make some ppl who rly wanna go campfire tulan at them and scold them..hahah..

and next time if rly go campfire,ill call a 31-person bus.serious.today onli got 31 person.zzzz.call 44 person bus.members.u sucks!

it was sad abit la(another case)i thot the chance is still there.but ...ermm..i guess no even after a year.haiz...sad..can u please make me forget bout this..while im there..sweet and old memories came back.haiz..this sucks!!!!






psst this is the one im talking about..,look on top.

a few pics of us!ok..committess 2009!!!!stand uppppppppppppppp!!!!

love test

i really regret.

this is so stupid.
if i were to sit for a test to see wether do i qualify myself to b a boyfriend.

i will fail it even at the first question

"Have u ever gave the love and care that ur loved one deserved?"

"No!"

"Have u ever be the one that ur loved one will always lean on when shes in trouble?"

"No!"

"If her world is being hated by everyone,have u ever be there to support her?"
"No!"

"Have u ever support the decision she made"
"No!"

two answer which is yes would be

"Have u ever stopped her from pursuing her dream"
"Yes"

"Do u Regret?"
"YES!!!!"

the onli answer which out of so many question that i will get it correct is

"Do u love her"
"yes.with all my heart"

apology

right after 40 mins after i went to my bed.i rethink.mayb i was a bit harsh.

to all those who commented but yet to read wat i replied,i have already deleted both the post where i was framed "insulted" and also my reply.i rethink back.i made a mistake

alrite.i was a bit harsh when i reply.i gave out all i can to protect my own image.but i rethink back.it wun benefit both parties.
so to chon giap,unknown,get a life and others,i am here to APOLOGISE.yes i apologise.i admit i was wrong for scolding bad words and hurling it towards another scout troop.

I do hope that we will just bury the hatchet and do not bring this up again.as for the chatbox.ur comment will remain.even my reply will remain in the chatbox.also,at the same time,i do not know which scout troop or unit ure from,but if we were to meet again in yet another gathering or campfire,please do not bring this up again.i believe that gathering and campfire are there for good reasons.its not platform for us to fight.and it clearly shows our immaturity to solve our own conflicts in front of our own members as well as other scouts and guides.

Again,to all,i apologise.to chon giap,for the discplinary action that u think i deserve,please disclose this matter onli to my scouter.i believe he knows wat to do on me.theres no need to spread news or bringing this matter to a higher place such as our scout hq.but i do believe with wat we have learnt,forgiving others are essential and i do believe u will take this light-heartedly and will cease ur action.thank you.

i believe and learn actually from joey,that a discussion must not involve personal attacks.we can have healthy discussion bout world and nations but by touching on other person,we have aledi hurled personal attacks.and if i continue to argue bout this,this is definitely going personal as ure pointing out my errors and im pointing out urs as a pontetial king scout.

lastly,everyone,let ur fire in heart glow for scouts,but not on making enemies.

asean scholarship ?

ok..just read an article blogged by someone who wasted 10 years in singapore when he was selected to do asean scholarship.

well i find it very very controversial for my myself to express my own views in here as it might be arguable.i myself have no rights to comment anything yet until i experience it myself.

u can get the link from me.i cant post it here

i do not wish to elaborate much bout wat i think but ,i think that the main concern for me myself is the allowance given,lack of universities,different types of junior affects ur studies and the competitiveness in students which some gone mad(i was rly shocked to read that case.i cant believe they r that scary.)

anway,i think the rest r arguable and i rly think the rest r just from wat he think himself and might not apply for the rest.

i wud say hes rly lucky.

qing tian

i was listening 2 qian tian sung by jay chou.i dunno.i just randomly go 2 internet and listen 2 this song.coz i just felt like listen b4 but then mayb dun rly like this song ba.so find it meaningful.went on to search for its lyrics and found its translation sumore.

enjoy

Qing Tian

故事的小黄花
gu shi de xiao huang hua
The small yellow flower from the story

从出生那年就飘着
cong chu sheng na nian jiu piao zhe
Was wandering since he day she was born

童年的荡秋千
tong nian de dang qiu qian
Swinging on a swing in her childhood

随记忆一直晃到现在
sui ji yi yi zhi huang dao xian zai
Swinging her memories all the way until now.

吹着前奏望着天空
chui zhe qian zou wang zhe tian kong
Playing an opening theme, looking into the sky

我想起花瓣试着掉落
wo xiang qi hua ban shi zhe diao luo
I think of petals trying to fall

为你翘课的那一天
wei ni tiao ke de na yi tian
That day I skipped school for you;

花落的那一天
hua luo de na yi tian
That day the flower fell;

教室的那一间
jiao shi de na yi jian
The space of the classroom;

我怎么看不见
wo zen me kan bu jian
Why can’t I see it?

消失的下雨天
xiao shi de xia yu tian
That rainy day that disappeared -
(after all these years)

我好想再淋一遍
wo hao xiang zai lin yi bian
How I want to be rained upon again
(how i wish to be loved by u again)

没想到失去的勇气我还留着
mei xiang dao shi qu de yong qi wo hai liu zhe
Never thought that I still kept my lost courage
(never thot i will still fall in love with u)

好想再问一遍
hao xiang zai wen yi bian
How I want to ask again:

你会等待还是离开
ni hui deng dai hai shi li kai
Will you wait or will you go away?

刮风这天 我试过握着你手
gua feng zhe tian wo shi guo wo zhe ni shou
That day that the wind blew I tried to hold your hand
(but i gave up trying it)
但偏偏 雨渐渐
dan pian pian yu jian jian
But unfortunetly, the rain kept on
(i cried myself.i cant forgif myself.i had to leave u.i was just form 1)
大到我看你不见
da dao wo kan ni bu jian
Falling until I couldn’t see you
(i never see u again)
还要多久 我才能在你身边
hai yao duo jiu wo cai neng zai ni shen bian
How much longer until I can be beside you again?
( i rly wish forever)

等待放晴的那天 也许我会比较好一点
deng dai fang qing de na tian ye xu wo hui bi jiao hao yi dian
Waiting for the day to turn clear, maybe I’ll be a little better then
(waiting for the time when u will love me back)

从前从前 有个人爱你很久
cong qian cong qian you ge ren ai ni hen jiu
Long ago, a person loved you for so long
(obviously not at that time)

但偏偏 风渐渐
dan pian pian feng jian jian
But unfortunetly, the wind kept on

把距离吹得好远
ba ju li chui de hao yuan
Blowing, widening the gap so much further
(we lost contact for like two years.complete)

好不容易 又能再多爱一天
hao bu rong yi you neng zai duo ai yi tian
So difficult, (I have) another day to love again
(after 5 years,finally.but..........)

但故事的最后你好像还是说了拜拜
dan gu shi de zui hou ni hao xiang shuo le bai bai
But it seems that, at the end of the tale you still said, “Goodbye”
(im left alone again.i cant wait anymore)

if u dun rly get wat i mean..its like remembering bout myself when i was in form 1.and till now



first when i look at the lyrics.rly made me touched and the feeling of crying
ok..im not trying to say anything or wat.i just felt that this song rly suits my story.haiz.yeah every song suits my story.i just felt that this is really sucking.this sucks.y cant i get over this long time ago?y m i still in my dream.when can i rly forget bout this?i fucking hate this!!!!!

please...add me with colours.add me with purple.gif me a new hope to live this life.gif me something ...something i've been searching for .a heart to suit me.a heart to fit into the jigsaw puzzle of my heart.

please..let me look at one more time..the colour of this world.even if the world is painted onli with purple,that will do.let me wake up opening my eyes and see purple so that im reminded of u.let me be reminded of u before i sleep.even my heart is missing onli thousand of parts.onli ur heart will fit.

let my heart pump purple blood.let my vein flows onli purple blood.let my blood be purple.

i love u

politics

now im being pressurised.

i dunno why.

i also want to achieve it.
but now im being pressurised.
haiz.
this sucks.

haiz.i really want it
but please no pressure!

it sucks

learnt a truth.sucks man.i cant believe im hated by some teachers coz I DUN SMILE AT THEM WHEN I LOOK AT THEM.SWT.

i always greet every teachers even they dunno me.

and then some complaint they hate me coz i dun smile at them.

wat the fuck!


fuck u!

today..another time sad again..fuck man

life sucks

i rly cant see anymore colour.im colour blind in my heart.i just wish someone can add colours in my life back.let me look at things more than white and black.
let me see purple...onli that will do.onli that will make me alive

skulmate

today went to the store..supposed to survey y ppl lepak.saw hui kee and asked her 2 fill it..haha..shes my ex-skulmate..then mana tau i actually wanna ask a group of indians besides..but scared they beat me..then hui kee so berani go and ask.sumore go around and ask other students.hahahahaha...thx hui kee!

he sumore help my fren from other group to gif out the survey..hahaha...shes brave ar..

thx!

then we sat down and talked.haiz..talked until bad moments with my love...until almost wanna cry..she also saw i wanna cry d then i stop talking and go home..haiz..sad..

its already over.she sumore can say im rly crazy bout this love..haiz..she said wat kind of medicine she gave u till ure like that.its almost 2 months.she din gif me any medicine.she gave me the most precious things that im finding.the colour in my life and her heart.thatz are two most precious things she gave me.now its gone.my life is black and white and my heart is lonely.

correction:i wasnt no 11..haiz..sumore no12-15.swt.and i got 53.not 57

mcd

haiiiiiiiiiiiz..was so sad..just now went out to eat mcd at kp.haiz ask someone to teman me eat also din reply..tulan ownself go.haiz

then went there.eat 1 mcvalue meal and ordered extra 2 more chicken.not enuff.refilled twice.haiz..this is wat i do when im sad.i eat eat and eat.finally when full take a walk to circus circus.then sud xy called said saw me.haiz...wat the fuck!?!!!!haiz..now onli call...asked her since just now to teman me eat dunno where missing..then sumore say wanna go eng ann d..wat eva laaa!!!!!

then play the racing game.then go sing karaoke.sing pei pan.haiz..dunno y the best version i ever sang.
haiz
sucks man..i rly cant believe it.no 11?haiz

thinking back..i think my name shud be siew ming chin instead.swt..y?i knew from someone sister name who has the same name for jin.her name is chin.swt..then nvm.ytd found out lee huey chin from kwang hwa from sk1 chinese name behind also the same jun as me.swt..two person with the same chinese word jun got same spelling chin but im jin.wat the fuck man?their name is chin.mine is jin.this is wat the fuck man..did my parents and grandma check first b4 deciding my name jin?swt..it makes me feel like this boy is syaitan.still i wun regret that im named siew ming jin.coz im special.not many has the surname siew.and not many has the name jin.and im one of a kind.

but then chin that is supposed to b my name is actually my father middle name.swt.i think hakka ppl r rly diff.

ps:all the two person with the name jun(king or gentle in chinese) r quiet smart.except me.i know im not smart altho im also the same jun.her sis jump cls.one year younger than her peers.huey chin i heard damn smart.except me!

u might want to name ur daughter or son with the name jun(in chinese) so they bcome smart also

update:misunderstood her..swt..sry

i lost!

haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

????????????????????????

i lost d.haiz..din even get top 3.i sucks man!!!i sucks!!

ok this is it..its add maths quiz.then was very anxious!!!i never thot can get so low loo..haiz..the result came out..my teacher told me i got no 11.haiz..1 shot to top 10.sumore lose 1 mark nia to no 10.haiz..sucks man.but for team came up as no5.this sucks man!!!i really want at least top 5 mah for individual

haiz i rly sucks..
i rly sucks..
so dun rmb wat other skuls get.just write i rmb.

individual
10 forgot
9 a chung hua boy.same tuition
8 i think ling wei(mgs)
7 jon keat(my skul)haiz..he also top 10..i cant
6. forgot
5 forgot
4 forgot
3 acs boy.tan something
2 tee fu yuan.dunno correct spelling or not..haiz..so pro.lost 2 him in spelling bee and then now!!haiz
1 a star boy.hsing hwa said hes a genius.haiz.
those i forgot,i rmb them.just not sure correct ranking or not.ciu yi is in top 5.then got another acs boy also.and then 2 more kwang hwa student.1 girl 1 boy.swt..kwang hwa all 3 top for individual.i heard all of them get 70 above.swt.highest star boy get 78.no 10 get 58.lost 1 mark

team
5 smk tinggi klang(my skul la)haiz..sucks man..from wat i heard,jon keat 60,i 57, chun pao mayb 33.haizzz
4chung hwa.actually chung hua same mark.but then they see whos the no1.when register,they say no1 will determine ur skul win or not if tie.then we rly tie.then i no1 in the name list.then the chung hua no9.of coz they win la.
3 acs..haiz..2 person top 10 of coz la
2 mgs..same la..two 2 person top 10
1 kwang hwa...three also top 10.i heard they got 200marks in total.200 ++ actually.

so overall, i sucks..haiz...i need b humble back d.but the competition is over.no more second chance.

out of 37 skul participating.we got no 5 for team.this sucks man.

ming jin!!!relax...

5:30 am

im anxious..im scared...im petrified

butterflies

i..........................................


m scared....

2mr!!its 2mr!!!!im so scared...hopefully can c pn sariah one last time 2mr.then i will have more confidence.or else i think i cant win!!!

now also lost confidence...im rly scared..

hopefully can c her then at least feel better.

sigh

sick!!!my 2 younger bro is sick d.now im feeling sick myself..haiz..haiz.haiz..the competition is on wednesday.i duwan to fall sick.i still have a long journey to go..die die la!!!!!

wish i can tell someone im sick and listen to her comforting words..but even if i tell im sure she will"i dun care".those cold words....never miss out from our conversation.haiz..ill just deal it alone.

then learnt out something.haiz..it wasnt something shocking and unexpected.i edi knew it.just wanna confirm it.but then...haiz still sad.mayb the reason is not bcz of me la..mayb its something else.wateva the reason is.............i miss u!!!


thx again xy.before i sleep,told her im sick...but then this morning 5 .50 onli reply back..swt..nvm la..i think i sms so late sumore(11pm onli).anway,thx for telling me ..dun stress myself..haiz..betta than no1 to listen 2 my sickness esp when im all alone now.wishing she know and can comfort me with her words..

nvvvvvvvvvmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
now im feeling ok..later dunno ok or not.haiz..if rly gets bad ill just eat panadol.recently,whenever im sick just eat panadol.walao eh!!!

singing

ok today english cls teacher had a singing presentation.so i was late to come into cls then every1 like tepuk for me.i was like wat the hell?then sud say singing.then teh first offered himself.then he was like gosh!not too fabulous.u know la watz the meaning.lolz.i dun say im so good in singing .at least hes a bit weird the way he sing.lolz.

then i was so excited since he sang light on by david cook i volunteered to sing a little too not over u.since everyone must sing.so was like battle between david cook and david archuleta.then i sang.i think my first part was ok.very nice.then i getting teruk d.haiz.i dunno y out of so many songs.y this.then teacher asked for the reason i sang.so i was saying the truth.bout this person who cant forget his love.so i was saying it out thatz the meaning of this song.then she asked y u choose this song.so i just told the truth.haiz.this sucks man.just bcz i broke up and i cant get over her...y must i sing this song?haiz..mayb this song is sud my fav.coz i cant get over it!

1234

no doubt! theres no doubt!i love u!lolz..rly like this song for no doubt!


1-2-1-2-3-4
Give me more loving than I’ve ever had(thank u!)
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad(ure always there when im sad)
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not(i was never special)
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad(u always make me feel good)
Barely getting mad(i was never mad at u)
I’m so glad I found you(seriously glad!)
I love being around you(seriously!!)
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you(reeaaaally)
(I love you) I love you(i love u!)
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do(ill do it!)
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start(love meeee)
Piece me back together when I fall apart(piece me back)
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends(u told me everything u never tell anyone)
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad(im always bad mood)
You’re the best that I’ve had(best!best!best!)
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you(ur scent mesmerizes me)
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
1-2-3-4
I love you
(I love you) I love you

1234

There's onli 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 u

i love u

PS:kinda like this song

stop !

ok so ytd went to skul.......kinda boooooring..ntg to do also laa..i felt so sleepy.haiz..rly regreted going to skul.then my physics teacher told me bout how she got married at the age of 22.lolz..she said how she plan everything bbla this bla that.well,wat i felt is that we rly have one thing in common .we prefer to choose the monotonous way to plan everything.unlike everyone,they will b like playing at one end then when it comes to major decision,they will b like so kan cheong here and there.she said she planned to marry early so that she can concentrate on her study.i call that a good plan as well,but,she can alaywas date after her study.i think shes afraid of her boyfren falling in love with another guy.thatz the problem.sometimes when u found the right one.u wanna hold tight with that person forever.u just felt that u r SURE tat person is for u.and u r willing to tolerate no matter how hard it is.wat rly important is still please still love me.haiz..u r willing to gif everything that u hav.u r willing to have sleepless nites so that u can see him or her sleep soundly.u r willing to spend every cent that u have to buy chocos.u r willing to step down in arguement.haiz.so there are pros and cons too for her decsion.she was lucky like other malay couples when they dun end up breaking up.do u know that in malaysia,1 out of 3 couples divorce?i said divorce!!i would say that her move was definitely her planning it its perfectly nice for her.

tatz the planning that im talking bout.u see,for those who plan,u dun struggle like others when u have to make major decision.for eg,choosing course.some never have ambition.they will struggle and end up taking business just bcz the jobs are abound and its easy.some have big dreams.but its hard to achieve.

so in this context,if i dun hv ambition yet,i will slowly look at wats my interest and strength.then from there i explore thru education fair or job fair.if i have big dreams,i will def have a second option.so that even if i cant reach the first one,ill have an alternative one first.after getting the chances pursuing my initial dream will b ok.

of coz,both of u like physics.lolz.i dunno wats her fav sub.but she took up physics in U.i love add maths.but then physics is my second choice.so considered same la.so when u look at ppl who love physics,u def know they love planning.i dun mean every physics teacher love planning.coz u see some r just being forced.some r good in physics but nvr rly develop it.

and i dun mean those who r not good and dun like physics r not a gd planner.

so at nite,went to station 1.finally can release my tension.competition is next wed.i rly must do my best d.lolz.i wanna show her.i wanna show every1!!wat i can do.hopefully can do it.its my last chance to show off myself.

so at there,sry dun hv pics yet.i think tricia has it.is it ar tricia?haha.so we r just talking talking bla bla.xin yi was weird.at friday cls when she talked to her fren,she was like so Ceria.haha.then at there so tiam tiam..i guess shes rly feeling unwell.take care....ordered four colour roll for her also duwan eat.end up i ate myself..haha..hey if ure reading this,take a good rest.i think ure rly feeling unwell until u lost ur appetite.so ordered choc milk shake. it was very very very tasty.the last time i went there i dunno wat i ordered.i think it tasted like milo instead.swt that time i thot cheat my money.but this time choc milk shake was nice..hehehe..very nice.then at there got someone's bday.swt.everytime come also got bday celebration.swt swt.then choc cake sumore.i was like please come to my table !pls come to my table.u can celebrate my bday today.haha..and i can the choc cake was like full of choc topping.omg!!!haiz....last time when we celebrated farewell party at centro.we r like buying cake.then sud wanna choose cake.swt.again i want choc cake.then everyone was like no la strawberry nicer.i wish i can say..strawberry sucks.i hate that.at last ordered strawberry.swt.duwan eat la.haha..

then jo yee told me bout her ball.i mean a ball organised by her skul ELS.and told me bout how big my dewan is and she want to do it at STK but being stopped by her teacher.swt.now i realised these indian teachers r rly fucking.they like politics a lot.and i heard she rly wanna take credit that she stop that coz shes afraid we take the credits.eh u dun lebih2.u go b ur own pengetua then u can take every credit in the skul.happy?
then at one end i was wandering.shud we merge and organise something like a trip?i was like i rly duwan to care much bout ELS anymore.from that first day till now i join ELS i regret joinning.there are so many clubs but y ELS??then wat rly made me gif up at one point is when i lost my money bcz of ELS a sad incident.fuck it man.and on gotong royong i used my own sixth klang fella to help me with ELS work.wat the hell man.that rly made me felt like giving up d.at that point i told my teacher advisor,after english week,i wun do anything for ELS of coz i din rly stop.but then not so much anymore.i was like SLEEPING vice-president.i dun care.then she mentioned bout reliving her own club and do at least one activity.i was interested.i dunno wat to do yet.i wasnt interested in trips.if we want to have a trip,i will prefer a cheap trip.u see jo yee,(wasnt able to tell u this at there bcz everyone was like so syiok talking and i am left unable to tell out serious stuff.haha..dun blame me ..im always talking bout serious things)in stk,to pull the form 6 to come is a prob bcz els is english.most of the kwang hwas hate english.they always have negative thots bout english.so its hard to pull them.setting an expensive price is a total hard for us.but it would b something to consider first.we can always find other alternatives if that trip is a good bet.and for lower forms,stk students r pooor.when u talked bout money ,they will b like no money.swt.i dunno y la.they can spend so much on junks.but nevertheless,hopefull we can join and do something.bcz i duwan my final yr in els ruined.and please do it earlier.another thing that i found out jo yee is that shes those type of person who wun rly bad mouth bout someone.eh dun seronok ar.haha.i dun mean she never bad mouth.we r like talking bout their pn juliet and scolded her bla this bla that.i knew shes definitely hiding something when she talked bout I*******.i can felt that she definitely hiding something.when she talked to me bout that,i knew at the next minute she will start to bad mouth bout it.but she didnt .thats one of the thing that i knew from ytd conversation.u see when u talk so almost emotionally bout something.im sure u will tend to bad mouth all the way,but she din.im not saying that is totally angelic,but thats sure an important value to learn.by ranting all the way,does not help.

then zoey was there also.ok she din also involved in talking a lot.i mean with me.but then she told me bout how she thot guys onli like english song..lolz.thatz def wrong.i love both chinese and english .but now i love more english songs.then she told me she took care two babies and do work like a maid.lolz.swt.i also like can pengsan.definitely,i dunno her much but i cant felt shes those type of typical chinese girl.u see at there,joey,shu ee and tricia r like everyday omg..david cook is hot.omg wat watkins ar ?then all american reject.they r chinese also but then,not so much of a typical one.i say myself is not those typical chinese too.then she said she love chinese songs onli.that rly proves a lot of things.then i overheard bout how her teachers hate her coz she sfrank with words.mayb thatz bcz of ur typical chinese attitude.u see chinese r a bit rough in words.i myself do that sometimes.onli sometimes.not all the time.so u gotta stop talking a lot in front of teacher.lolz.u can always scream with frens but not with teachers.or else they will misunderstand.

xin yi was quiet.no much comment.haha..shes not that usual quiet.ddunno y

shu ee was like so daring.wearing old damn fucks.is it?haha..well u edi know the gila gila shu ee.so no comment.then i rmb we talked bout weng shen.lolz.i cant believe this..ok not gonna say it here coz ws is at the same skul as me.lolz.then shu ee onli found out the truth bout her kindergarten best fren.sitting so near to her yesterday.haha..it was funny.then zoey and shu ee came to sk1 jalan meru b4.i was like hey y no1 come to sk2 wan?haha

tricia was like so excited to know other ppl's privacy.i still rmb b4 we went back,she asked the most sensitive question.swt.i rly hate to ans it.u wanna know ma ask from xin yi la.haha..if she wanted to tell u.im way too lazy to answer anymore.haiz..its over!!!then when i talked bout how i hated some teachers,she was like the first one to say u know la girls r like this.so shes rly kepo those type of person.and she hates david archuleta.i dun say i rly a big fan of him,at least a little too not over u was nice.haha

then chew kit was talking very nicely at the begining then stop talking d.dunno y.then play my game pulak.swt.then we asked him bout a quiz.a quiz bout someone to see how much he knows bout her.swt.and he onli got one correct.haha..rly ..they asked like how many subs she take in spm.then eh dunno and joey gav hint.and i get it correct pulak.lolz.then she ask whos he fav singer.he also dunno.i was like omg.its on her display picture laaaaa..haha..then she ask wats her skul bag colour.and i was like i just saw it yesterday.then asked her bday is it?i think he got it correct for that 1.and even asked for her chinese name.he also dunno.i was like ok la u still got chance to keep up.lolz.i bet mayb ure at least betta than leong wee in terms of u know more bout her.hahahah

ciiiiiiiaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
the day ended when everyone went back at 11.30.swt.omg i came there at 8 and came back 11.30.so long .dunno do wat at there also.haha

bu!

i dunno if any1 is familiar with this word bu!...now im so depressed.i just felt that how come im so naive..haiz..i just wish someone can come to bu! me again.i wun mind at all.i wun mad at all.i just want someone to come and bu! me and listen 2 my problem....i used to get annoyed by that.once,when im really really frustrated,that word came.it got me more angry.now,i wish it comes back again.how i wish it comes back to ask me and to comfort me

bu
bu
bu
bu
bu
bu

i love u bu

misunderstand or wat?

ok..wat the hell got a news today i got the anugerah koko for sahsiah.dunno wether gd news or bad news.need to 2 go taman petaling gathering la..and then this award is like so bhind..die d la..swt..swt..and to C...nvm mayb i rly misunderstand u bout this anugerah part.but i still cant forgif u for being so kau pe with me.even if u dun choose me,i think i deserve a bit to be awarded this

im so tulan

the truth is here...

now onli i know..

talam dua muka

double sided face...

fuck u!!!today found out something.its so sad..haiz..i cant rly blieve this is how they treat us.of coz im not the victim.i dun rly get sad.but then wat rly made me sad coz its him.haiz.i cant believe this skul is practising this kind of shit.i think this skul is being monopolised by these fuckers.everything must follow their orders.wat the hell man.i think theyre like opposition leaders.they may be rite but then their want to win so much that they speak the loudest.focusing on one point and speak out loud just to scare everyone.this is fuck man.i bet they never even consider wat the majority says.wat the hell.i think they majority doesn support those fuckers.they're like if im loud enuff they will listen 2 me.wat the fuck man.wat kind of ideology is this?just bcz u have the rights to speak in msia means u can speak out loud and then change just to make sure u win.wat the hell man.and then in front of me acting good."boy,be careful!"wat the fuck man.if u hate both of us,then dun pretend fucker!

these are all TEACHERS!im not close with them,but they are total fuckers.

i have identified 5 teachers with this fucking retarded mind.fuck u !!

firstly,starting from the so-called by myself mastermind,A(its not her initial)

A-altho im not close with u at all,u know me i know u,but then ure a total double-sided face.thx for the be careful that u gave me when i almost fell down.but then...wat the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!i cant believe ure a total asshole.in front of me pretend gd la.be careful.at the back of me like hell.so wat if u have the loudest voice?so wat if ure being scared by a lot of form 6.let me tell u something.i was never even scared of u even once.not even when u complained to the whole skul bout my English week.fuck urself.if u think u urself so great and speaks loud and wants everything to b done according to ur own favour and neglecting the majority,i think u shud quit this profession.u can bcome something else.but not this.i bet u cant work anywhere else bcz of ur attitude.its not bout im loud.i big post.thatz y i shud fight for wat i think is rite.think again.sucker.double sided fucker

B-u also one thing.always talk to me and ask me must get A1 ar..wat the hell man.so talk 2 me nicely.say hes so good this good that good.wat secret recipe that i had to get.blood is thicker than water.wat the helll man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and then i dunno if ure supporting A or not,wat i felt is that if ure not interested in supporting me and him,then pls dun act good in front of me.i shall not want to talk to u bout anything.i just felt that wat ure doing is like double-sided.this is so fucking stupid.at one time u praise me bout this and that.at another end u started to dig out our weaknesses.wat the fuck man.!!!wat the fuck man!!!and then another teacher (which i will called C) came and say no wonder u talked 2 her that day.wat the fuck.she talked 2 me first.not i wanted to find her.im not even interested to talk 2 her.but then now i even not interested.wat the fuck man!!!talk 2 u nicely,never even thot ure those type of person.another person backstabbed u by saying ure bad,but i think ure nice but then at last still double-sided.wat the hell man.next time i guess u wanna talk 2 me bout A1 again,then i will politely fuck off myself

C-this is stupid.very very stupid!!!dun act anymore.drop ur fucking fake smile.drop ur act.fuck u!so next time when he comes and find u,please dun smile.i hate ur fucking fake smile.i cant blieve it.in front of both of us,u can smile act like very good.at the back wat the fuck!ure not involved much in form 6,but then wat the fuck man!thot u teaching here for dunno how many yrs.i bet u never even teach form 6 for one year,but then ure like a total fucker.give smile with dimples like so angelic,but then tulan u la!wat the fuck man.in front act so gd.one day,when i asked for the anugerah kecemerlangan koko form,u know wat she said?r u active in koko?"yes"which club ure involved in?"sea scout"R U ACTIVE"wat the fuck.once i hear this fucking question r u active ..i was like i wanna kill.i rly felt like shouting wat the fuck in front of u.wat the fuck man.i think most of u knew who im talking bout d.this idiot and her gang with A always talk the loudest.fuck them!in front of him,act like good.at the back debate this matter with full force.wat the fuck man.just bcz ur voice is sharp,u never pierced my heart.just bcz u alos complained bout the english week,i wasnt even shaken a bit.and then none of u came and tell me bout the english week.none of u dare to comment bad bout english week in front of me.pn aru find chew kit and scolded him.u find chee kar and sallyn and scolded them..but then i was the one not scolded.i dunno y.but then u r a fucker!u knew im responsible for that.u know its my mistake.but u din confront me.m i that scaring?y?u scared ar?fucker.and then whenever u teach now,i dun feel like studying at all just bcz im so tulan at u.and then till now the anugerah koko...........no news.fuck u.i think u just throw into the rubbish bin without even reading.fuck u man.im gonna win the add maths kuiz and make u all remember my face forever.

D-u...are one of those fuckers.u...always trying to act smart with ur ideology.i think ure just stereotypist.u commented me bout my inability to accept other ppl's idea.then u ...also are the same fucker.so...wat ure trying to do when u shouted in front teacher's room when i said and told u that.waaa..for rich ppl onli.so ure trying to say im rich that we are able to afford that.wat the fuck man.its not bout rich..so r u blaming me for being born in a middle-class family?im not rich.im not born in rich family.its the saving that we're good in.wat the fuck man.ure just double-sided.u always act good in front of me.then at the back backstab with ur same same reason.wat the fuck man.now let me tell u,altho u taught me b4.then fuck u.i will never remember ur sacrifice.fuck u!!

E-of coz ure not very close with me.in fact i dun even care bout u.but then i can feel that ure also one of a fucker.fuck u!

during this time,one that rly helped me with all these infos are Z ( a teacher i do not want to disclose.but u sure knew who she is d)..u din rly help a lot.but then thx for the debate that u gav.i think u offended a few person.but dun worry.im sure those who r offended r those fuckers who cant see.who cant see whos the best and did most.these are the fuckers following the 5 fuckers i told u.i.im sure in their heart,they will prefer him.fuck u all!i know u did ur best.i know ure really helping me.but then if this is decided.theres nothing we can do but to fuck them.next year,i will be.i will make them rmb me forever.

no wonder today when i reach skul,everything is so quiet

looking at me

swt..today damn weird.when grace tay talked bout how the girl must choose a boy who r more educated than her bla bla..then keep looking at me..swt..oh..y must u look at me ar?swt..as if la im so educated that a lot of girls will like me or ure saying im with someone more educated with me?dey im single!!!and how do u know bout my love life ar?lolx

then she also talked bout some ppl who just do karangan in her cls with a sleeping mode.and she looked at me again.then she said how they sleep when doing her karangan but did very well in exam.ok i admit im those type.but then............y la u look at me?who told her ar i did very well in exam but not in her karangan?haha..how she know ar?

luckily when she said someone who did well in his rumusan but did not write his name in the petikan umum then look at me .lucky or else evryone gonna think i did very well in rumusan(actually i got full marks for the first time)its bout kepimpinan.i guess i rly have a lot of leadership skills that made me do so well.haha..joking joking.

thanks

ok..this nite dun have mood to sleep.so decided to stay awake.then out of ntg felt emo again.i smsed xy.see wether shes asleep or not.obvious duh shes asleep.then at 2 am something she replied which is so impossible.then asked her to online.ntg..just wanna express myself..chit chat a bit...then felt betta and now im bout to take a short nap.just to make sure i dun fall asleep at skul.haiz..troubles.whenever i meet this kind of situation.i cant sleep..i just cant..
thanks xin yi for teman me the whole morning.weeeeeeeee..of coz no matter how loud i scream no1 heard..yay except her..kononnya study sejarah.i was like swt.can u chat in msn and study sejarah at the same time?swt swt..

anyway thanks for being with me at hard times

i think she still tengah study..

or...

like last time..till around this time fell asleep.i used to wake up and saw she woke up once.dunno y cant sleep that time.then mana tau she also on

bla bla

bla ntg much to talk
as said.i will post the pic when i got it back.so here it is .bye
no mood

and that boy is me .when im std 3.



somehow,i was very compelled now to win the asean scholarship.all out of sudden.theres a rush.theres a call from the merlion.it calls me to start anew there.to live out there.to stand up among the best.to show the world wat im made of.im not showing off now.im just saying i felt the breeze to go there.im not sure.wtv happens happens.im waiting for my name to b shortlisted to sit for the selection test.from there.it determines wether do i qualify or not.they onli pick less than 100.jpa is offering 2000 scholarships.asean is offering less than 100.u can c how competitive it is.i wanna win this.i wanna get there if can.

but it still comes down to my family and other factors needed to b considered.ill try my best first.once i get it,then onli i think.i still have japan and german as my choice but language is a big prob.

finding for the lost words

i was told to stay away.



i did it.


i wish i will nvr regret this.no matter how i said i will change.

no one believe me.

fuck u,ming jin

wat is life bout?finishing life by crossing the finishing line by overcoming obstacles?or finishing ur life as by meeting people in the race and doing it slowly?i dunno.

now,i rly wish.i can write the "someone u wish u never meet"

or

"someone special to u"

or

"someone u wish u never love"

its all confusion.wish i can rly forget bout all these.

wishing i never met her

wishing i never love her

wishing shes not so special to me

everytime i see her.it just struck my heart.wish we never broke up.

now,fuck off from my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and ill fuck off from urs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes i have attitude problem.so wat?thats me..

thats me.every problematic.ever stupid.every not so good in love.so?????????

change my attitude?change myself?wtv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i really regret for deciding to wait.i shudnt decide that.i shud just forget bout this long time ago.

its all my fault.all my fault.so?wat can i do?i can cry everynite thinking bout wat mistake i did.i can wake up every morning think bout this.so wat can i do?i can on my msn and look for ur name which is so impossible.i can look at u everytime with a fake mask and telling myself,i duwan to look sad in front of her just bcz she wun b pleased to look at my sad face and pretended happy shouting here and there but deep inside,i wish to cry.i can write in my blogs bout how sad i am everyday.

but

i can never express to u and let u understand how sad i am.

bye bye is all u can say.i dun care.wateva.like i care.these words.pierce thru my heart.

fuck.

love is so fucking complicated

in the other msg i send 2 u..i said "i love u"

now

I HATE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


fuck u,smj
fuck u
fuck u
fuck u
fuck u hsm

pm me if u know

things

things are not wat u think

cheng meng

pheew..just back from cheng meng..tired!!!!!this time at least betta..i can rmb all the kubur kubur d..haha..can rmb for one day nia wan ..after one year forget again wan.haha..

din manage to take pic.duwan la..later take mun sa mun sei..not so tired this year..

flattery

ok xin yi commented on my pics of me on my blazer..i look smart?eh dun fall in love with me enuff..haha..jkjk..syiok sendiri pulak.lolz..thx thx nia la..i know i dun look smart..haha..everyone who wears this looks smart laa...do i look stupid?haha..wait till i show u the pic i took for real.then ull see how un-smart i am..haha..anyway thx xin yi for ur compliment.

i was actually practising my facial expression.first i made the serious one.then i made the smiling one.then i made the laughing wan.haha...

but now onli one person said i look smart.(omg!).im so lame.

i dun get it why

i just dun get it why i still...am so stupid.
when can i wake up?
i almost made the worst thing i ever wanna make.but i didnt.im still in the process of forgetting her

just that.i admit i did not rly do it the best.but still improvement is there.

i just hope.things can change.i duwan to make the biggest decision that will completely change me.

i wish i can say "I hate u"

me in blazer

so was getting ready to take pic for myself.my father gave me a blazer that he no longer wear anymore.nvm he has more.he gav my bro one .and another one for me.haha.actually he like scolded me for using my form 1 photo.i actually also paiseh wanna use the photo.thatz y duwan use.but then too lazy to take one for asean scholarship.so took one nice one after the scolding.then its supposed to b done 2mr.nvm.if ure eager to see me in action.here i am.haha..at my home.it rly sucks.and im doing it without spec.bcz i look like a total nerd!!!haha..

after spm gonna take another 1.with a new spec.this one temporary nia.btw its my first time wearing blazer...shhhhhh

sry din move the pic down.too lazy..wtv!!!haha..and the first two look like total shit coz i dunno y..haha..my face looks like ghost!!!

abdullah once a scout ,always a scout

wow!!!!cant u believe it..our ex-pm or the 6th pm is actually a scout.i was just reading the star metro yesterday and found out hes a scout.he was a also a troop leader of bukit mertajam hi skul..wow..abdullah hold the same post as me.lolz..so he was said to be very responsible and more!i really cant believe that abdullah is a scout.now im wandering wat najib is?krs?haha..i guess abdullah really has leadership skill thatz y hes chosen as the troop leader.so im also wandering can i b pm one day?lolz..no way.im not interested in politics.

for those who r curious this is a pic of him in scout uniform


once a scout always a scout!!
be prepared

hidup scout!!

break ups

No matter how high is the barrier,how deep is the ocean,how high is the mountain,how far is the field and how tedious it takes,my love for u still comes down to the three things which make me unavoidably stick with u.it was hard to deal with those matters.it was chaotic to see its outcome.it was like a war.still,i will still love u even if we felt like breaking up and mend it back bcz

u still love me
u never cheated on me
i still love u

i believe that if u really love someone.no matter wat troubles both of u face,if she still loves me and i love her and she never cheated on me,i will bare all the pains.like wat everyone said,in every dark cloud theres a silver lining.wat we r facing is actually troubles we have to overcome.we cant just give up easily!who knows by next week we have solved this problem.but it din work out this way.it was way too easy to break up.i believe that the worst thing that i never want my partner to do is CHEAT on me.if she dont do this one ,i will love her no matter wat.!!!no matter wat we had to face and being challenged,i will not gif up.the onli thing that makes me gif up is when she cheat on me.she never cheated! thatz y i still love her!! but .......................................wake up!!........i wish.........

wish i can rly forget bout her

bla!

quite...or shud i say very? disappointing

april fool reversed

ok this yr april fool really spoilt and like kena bomb myself than i bomb others.

first.as chew kit and i walk back.then suddenly the boys at the old skul there suddenly pretended someone pengsan.then we rush to there.mana tau april fool.then at home.ck and i played someone.then she din do anything.make us look like a total fool instead.haha..then jon keat played me with virus link.claiming i send virus link.wat the fuck..kena fooled again..swt..managed to fool jon keat this evening nia.the rest like so lame..fark it!!!haha

and i now rmb.miss lim from my skul always remind me 2 get a1 for ekonomi asas and i said impossible la if i dun go tuition.she said. impossible is i am possible..i was like sweat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha..just imagine next time someone tell u its impossible.encourage them by saying i am possible.haha

then my 'mom-in-law'(so-called)...actually offer me two books.(i think free).swt.first gav me a longman karangan bk.i rejected by saying i have it aledi.then again she gav another 1 longman chemistry.i wonder y?(both r new).hahaha..so..i rejected her twice.i dun hope she come back with another book unless its a book bout SEX!hahaha..then i accept.i can rly die everyday come and talk 2 me...i wish i can meet my REAL mom-in-law instead.lolz..then facing her everyday.btw..my so-called father -in-law asked me a question i can blieve.he asked.which cls r u from?i was like wat the fark!?hahah

and then pn nite case.swt..now onli i know the truth..nvm im not gonna talk bad bout any1.just saying..i cant believe this.i went to her to ask for the form.and she asked me r u involve in koko?then i said yes.she ask wat?then i said scout la.then she said r u active?i was like WAT the FARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i din tell her this la.i said..err troop leader.then onli she gav.i was like wat the fark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!everytime when she ask pengerusi berkumpul i was there.and then for perpisahan we paid rm 10 ler.and i was the one paid 2 her.i waslike wat the fark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
do i look like a ke le fer?????i was like m i a total nerdy face?!!!!wat the F!!!!!!!!then once i asked her how to solve this add maths questions.she said ur bro also good in add maths u can ask him if u want!!!i was like wat the fark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!after she knew how pro i was..lolz..she just stop saying thathahhaha...and then so fake everything...i did so much for the skewl.teh also did so much and then the teacher pretended i dunno!!!i remember gotong royong perdana sixth klang helped in bilik guru pindah things.and the teachers can act i din see it!!!!!!!!!fark it man!!!!!!!!!so wat do u think i am~!~!~!~!~!fark man her!!!

april fool

this year's april fool sucks..plan spoilt.

to whom it may concern,

hehe..hahaha..sorry!!!just playing..dun mad..
ehem..u know who im talking bout if u read this..haha
ck and i just simply wan ..

not over you

Maybe i regret
Everything i said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now i'm on my own
How i let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand

time is ticking

shit..two more weeks..i really need to get started now..i dont want to lose out!!!i wanna show off myself..lolz

foolish

how i wish..i can b touched once again with ur teleport on the 9th day of cny.i wish those moments will last

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

fuck it!

positive and negative

mayb im just daydreaming again.m i that sucking?i really am.....that fucking!FUCK!wat should i do to erase these wanderings?i really want to have peace and just go on with my life...i know my journey is still very long...but then how m i gonna overcome this..i needed more strength.everyday have to wear the same fake mask to skul,to tuition to everywhere.and when i took out my mask in my room,my whole face sweats.my wrinkles shown.my moustache came out.to really increase my efficiency of work in skul and studies,i had to force my mind to b empty.to scold wateva i want at my hse.m i really that fucking?

sometimes,i look at my palm.looking at the worry lines.i have so little compared to others.does this means almost everyone had a problem that they never tell any1 or im the one who had the least problem?if i had the least,then is every1 having more than mine?i saw most of the ppl had so much worry lines that its so hard to see.day by day,sometimes i saw its like growing slowly to bcome more?does this means before this i had little worries.how i wish .....that i can a lot too bcz one day ..i thot of this.y i have so little when everyone had so many?i thot to myself.is it that most of my worries are given to others that i do not have to do it myself?no!i had a lot of worries.but then i think back.i really am afraid everytime i cant fall asleep like now.i thot.

wat if i die young?

that thot just made me upset each time?i dont want to die young!!!y is it so little ?coz i cant live long???omg!!!!!!i really had so many things to do before this.i really wanna taste wats the feeling of working in a project.i really wanna get admitted into university.i really wanna live longer!!i wanna get in to adulthood.i dun mean i hate my teenage life.i just wanna have a taste of it.i duwan to die yet!!!hopefully day by day it increases so that i no longer had any worries of this thot.m i that fucking?

thinking back,all these hurts me.i no longer can take it anymore.i just wish my attentions can b diverted.thats the problem.the more i know bout it.the more sad i am.the more i think bout it.the more sad i am.the more i think bout things that r quite hard to happen,the more sad i am.i really want to find someone i can out wat im feeling.i really want something.but then i cant turn to anyone anymore.im not the old me anymore.i dun keep secrets to myself anymore.hell yea even pn norala today said all ur emotions can b seen from ur face EASILY.nope thats not me last time.mayb yes when i got bad results.but not that easily!!!!wat the hell?

mayb i really changed back to the old me.after december.starting of january.i began to stop a habit for two months.i stop shaking my legs a lot.i used to b like other who shake legs bla bla.but due to a request.a request i will really want to accomplish no matter wat bcz of this special person,i did my best.but now.after a month,i realised i start back my bad habits.do i change for someone?is it bcz the plug is taken out,thatz y im back to my old habit?y is the great influence there?it just changed my whole life?im no longer secretive.im vulnerable.im shake legs again.even now when im typing,i shook again.

does this means i onli change to achieve something?can i change myself with my own will?i really wanted to know how...how!!!!!

things i wish to change:

get over these sadness.its not gonna take me anywhere.wat if everyday im mourning on my bed myself.wat if every nite i cant sleep bcz i regret the same things which cant b changed.its true when i watched a drama.this guy apologises and said in mandarin "words cant repair our relationship,but action will.and im proving it to u"bla bla bla bla!!!wat can i do now?i just stay in the corner of my room and just trying to get over this?i cant prove anything anymore.i cant do anything anymore i cant!!!i just want to get over this..each day i think bout diff things.each nite i think bout the same mistakes i made.each time when i smile and laugh for a minute.i cried in my heart at my room for two mins.having sleepless nites altho holiday is so gone aledi.everynite i cant sleep bcz im thinking bout this

secondly,i want to b secretive back.no point telling out ur sadness.now im telling out is not wat i really felt.the emotions that i really felt are encapsulated inside me.no1 knows how and wat shape it is.even its colour.i dun blame her at all.its normal.i understand wat she meant.but then i think bout wat she helped me.i really still befren her. but the pain that i had when i saw those vicious words.just kill off myself.i know from that instant.ure on ur own.i dun blame her.i know wat she feels.its alrite to say wat u feel bout that situation.i dun expect her to fully understand me.i was the one wrong.i made a big mistake.but still i wish to still b fren with her for wat she helped me thru all these.i dun just throw someone away just bcz she /he is useless.

thirdly,i shud stop thinking im gonna die young.!!!fuck it!!!m i that fucking?

M I THAT FUCKING??!!!
LIFE IS JUST CONFUSIONS.U MIGHT NOT KNOW DOES THE SAME INTEREST GOES ALONG TOGETHER OR THE SAME TALENTS GOES TOGETHER UNTIL U WITNESS IT.

AND U TELL GOD!

ALMIGHTY GOD!

i din switch off!

lolz.just pass earth hour.like wat i said.i din switch off .was doing my homework.told u.i love nature(but not so much).but i think contribution must not onli b limited to this. :P

Earth Hour?

ok everyone is talking bout earth hour 24/7..and just imagine everywhere i go everyone asked me to switch off my light and etc.yeah..cool how cool is that?so i have made up my mind to do this.......................................................................IM NOT GONNA SWITCH OFF LIGHTS...ROTFL..im serious......this is so like once in a year man u gotta b kidding me...this is like the darkest thing on earth.....this is like even celebrities are doing it....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

instead i wish i can watch UMNO general assembly..hahaha...

the reason y i dun rly wanna follow..its not that i dun love out mother earth or i hate nature.but just that i dun rly fancy these.i believe its not bout onli an hour contribution that u can make.for example..stop sending junk mails!!!!do u know that everytime u send junk mail saying that little mary will haunt u if u dun send this mail...its taking up electricity and jeopardising our environment.y?first,when u send these,ure using ur computer which uses electricity.and also the by product is carbon dioxide.every year UK generates millions of litre of carbon dioxide by computers.and when u send these e-mails they are transmitted.since they are transmitted,it requires electricity again!and when it reaches to ur unlucky fren,it takes them another 5 minutes just for little mary to plead and appeal to u to send it or else she will find u.this is a waste of our resources.please la..if u want to send chain mails send useful wan with humour in it.dun send those junk mails or u just won a lottery.u r willing to switch off for an hour but unwilling to realise the consequences of sending junkmails 365 times a year.im not scolding anyone.im just saying that if u want to b more nature lover then get urself changed now.rather than joining the crowd just to b DARK(COOL)

Secondly,i really wish to say this mayb a one year once event.but still,do this continuously.give ur undivided support to any bodies.its not like ok i will change myself for a day.

ok..just saying wat i felt bout this earth hour.i have no strong objection towards it.still its a good encouragement for the nation and public bcz most of the ppl dun realise bout it and just join this bcz of their less exposure.if ur acitively involved in nature activities.u realised this is a mere publicity and hangat-hangat tahi ayam.but still its a good pioneering step.who knows by the next 10 years they will say lets switch off lights everyday at 8.30-9.30pm..ROTFL..haha

dogs

so today after eating at mamak waited at guardian..wat the F!!haha saw two dogs..they are FARKing..hahahahhaha..really cool.then a group of boys saw suddenly make so much noise.i myself recorded..lolz..then after that my mom came..so enter.then my younger bro saw and laugh like mad.my mom pulak say wat wat?then dunno she saw or not.i think she saw ..she just pretend..i cant see.hahahhaha..u know wat..when i left..then dog started to fark d.first the male keep licking ..then after that he pushed her down and fark.hahahahhah..

F. off monkey from tanjung rambutan!!!!made me so tulan at him kau pe when i was at there.im worried bout wat will he do to her

hard to swallow

saying to forget it is easier than doing it.no one really know how hard it is for me to forget this.its ok.ill just bear it myself.

i cant sleep

at 1:56 am..i cant sleep!!!shit!!!thatz for sleeping for 3 hrs in the evening..and ponteng ekonomi tuition..swt..

update
i duwan to die young!!!!!!!please let me sleep!!!!

100th

so as i said it..i will do it..haiz..it wasnt easy for me to remember back..not that i cant remember at all ..just that once i remember back it rly hurts me..when i think back.it firstly made me rly happy.but then i think bout how she hurt me now..i really felt hurt.she can just say i dun care wtv..like i care..and these words hurt me so much.whenever i think of her..i think bout our happy times.then i will think bout wat she did 2 hurt me.then its like first im happy then sad and hurt..unexplainable..haiz..if i were to start from form 1 when we first met,its hard..coz we hardly talk after form 1..i dunno la!!!it goes chronologically:

1.when i helped her do the gadgets for her farewell on i remember its wednesday,i thot she wun come coz she got chemistry class after that whereelse im free on that day.so i came.and also i was forced to come.so i thot im not gonna see her at there.mana tau she came.yeaahh..then that time lesser ppl.tommy came but went back early.so left she and her bro,mae vin and me and sangkara and swee joo.compared to monday wednesday is nicer.then after finish.we played a silly game.yeah.i still rmb how she played.then after going back..i dunno y.normally swee joo will kau pe and say sm sm sm..then manatau this time im the one sm sm sm...we were walking back and i keep thinking of her..i just dunno y..then keep talked bout her...i dunno y!!!!i think that i fell in love with her..but then i dun rly wanna care..coz like i said i dun think she will like me..and then im bz ..so no time to bother.but i just dunno y i kept saying..and i told him. her hand is so smooth...head over heels..so im saying im happy she came bcz i came..

2.then on farewell,actually when we wanna receive a hamper as souvenir.i actually la..shhhhhhh...i know u all dunno.i bravely asked for a hug.coz she hug her seniors..then ma feel like want it..of coz in front of so many ppl,i dun dare loo...but actually at that time she agreed..but after that i said duwan laaa..so dun rly expect she will say ok...

3.then out of so many frens she had..i rly never expect one day she will find me and tell me her problems.it was not love problems or anything..she just told me bout wat shes sad of ..and i tell her something..and it rly helped her a lot.and she also told me..she will never forget that moment..i dunno wat special thing i did.i just gif her counselling..i do hope she can remember that too...coz she told me she will remember it for life..this sounds more like wat i did for her.but was rly happy out of so many boys,she find me loo..

4.then sometimes out of nothing before we started,she will come and talked 2 me when im bored.but sometimes rly annoying me .coz once she said bu!and till that time i dun even know wats bu! and was just scolded by my seniors.so that rly made me annoyed.but still sometimes she was right at the timing.now..i wish she still can bu! me!!!!i want her 2 talk 2 me!!!!!!!!

5.then this is the most important moment.we told each other we like each other..it was at nite.a sat nite.i remembered it very well.i was very very bz and did not bother bout her.then she suddenly said things that rly touched me so much.she told me.she guess one day i will go other country to study.get a scholarship and study somewhere else.then before i go she will confess to me.i rly dunno she will go this deep.i rly dunno shes willing to just keep her feelings!!!till this date,every nite i regret so much whenever i think bout that things she told me.everytime i think bout this,i will think bout she hurt me also.so its like being touched at one side and sad at one side.i rly dunno y she really treated me differently after breaking up..she dun used to b like this..everynite i cry in my heart,thinking bout how shes willing to keep her feelings with her.she even think of getting out of my life after confessing.that rly touched me the most in my life.i will never forget that.

then we started

6.one day before biology,she called me.i remembered it very well.it was on thursday.one day before friday.then she said she knew i will stress myself up bcz bio is my weakest sub.i can say i onli study sejarah and biology last yr.others got also little bit.sej and bio i study like mad.then she called me and told me she called bcz wanna relax me.it was a very very nice conversation.we talked bout so many things.i rly dunno she will b that nice 2 me.she think bout me..she think bout how to make me happy!!!!now,everyday im wishing she will call me back.

7.then i remembered on monday after physics tuition.i had a headache that day.bcz 2mr is sejarah.so i went to tuition and then had headache.after cls i went up there to counter and rested.then she came.then i was lying down and she touched my hair..and i quickly held her hands.that is the first time we ever touched each other's hand.i din know her hand is so soft!!!!!!so wat she did is..she just came up 2 look at me.that rly made me happy.

8.it was holiday week after exam.then we had a physics cls on tuesday morning.i sat with her .then i dunno wats her planning.i just quickly asked wether can we go somewhere else later.she agreed.so wat rly made me happy is altho we din prepare and last minute i asked her go.she still go.then we went on to our first date.i was very very very very shy.i cant even held her hands in public.i hold then lepas then hold then lepas.so malu..it was a very happy day for me.

9.when we were together for the first two months.we usually chat online.after that lesser.so one day i was bz finding for ideas for my camping gateway.went to search online.i remembered it was a day before we cut bamboo.so on that nite we online till 2-3 am in the morning.i actually just wanna search and she teman me.we talked a lot and then it rly made me happy bcz shes willing to wait for me to sleep and teman me.i remembered it was a sat nite.so shes willing to teman me no matter how late.i rly wanna tell her u made me happiest the most

10.it was on monday before chemistry cls,i switched to dg on that day.i remembered she came for the chemistry cls.so from that day onwards she start to come on that day.i really was happy bcz she changed her cls to monday bcz she knew i go on monday.

11.when i went for kem kepimpinan,for three days she suffered so much.she missed me so much!!!how could i leave her like that?she told me everytime she online and saw my bro online,it really made her sad and miss me.i was deeply touched bcz she really miss me so much.i really wanna tell her im so happy

12.then my camping,on the last day.it was on saturday nite.i really felt touched when she immediately called me after i finish my last 10 cent to tell her"pls call me now"i used up my last cent of my phone credit and she rly called me despite her mother saw the message.i rly was touched bcz she tried her best to call me back.and she just told me to calm down myself and think bout her .asked me to chill.im really happy.

13.then we went to watch movie.it was our first movie date and in fact the onli one movie date.so that was rly a wonderful moment.shes willing 2 go so much that she even helped her sis do something before coming.or else she will just say wtv i wun do it.i duwan to go.and she rly went altho shes late.

14.she gave me the first gift.she bought it at genting.it was embedded our initial and the word love behind.i was very touched!!!!i din buy her anything also..so like so bought me that 1.im so happy lo.everyday i bring it around with me in my key chain.it was the happiest thing that she ever gift me.she gave me chocs and a lot.but that was rly the best thing i ever had!!!i really wann tell her..till now i din throw it away.i kept it.i duno if its lost d or not since i dun rly wanna look at it.but then till now i still cant throw it away..she really made me so happy!!!

15.when i went to langkawi,i stayed at butterworth,she was willing to sms with me to cure my boredness.and at langkawi,she touched me the most when she talked bout how shes dreaming of this and that.i never knew she will b that matured..and im so happy.and at butterworth.our tradition started.one morning at there i told her good morning piggy.and from that day onwards.every morning we wished good morning to each other and every nite we wished good night to each other.so im saying shes willing to do so much for me

16.i could say that the sunway lagoon outing was the best i ever had.it was very romantic for me.i really never thot it could be that fun.and she really gave me a new hope ..a new life at there,she completely made me the happiest guy on earth.i cant talk much bout that.coz its a long story.but totally shes willing to go and persuade her mom after her father grounded her.i really was happy to be with her at there

17.then at there ,we exchanged christmas gift.since we dun celebrate on that day.so we just exchanged choc instead since both of us like choc.then it was the first choc she gave.it was very delicious.its dark choc.so when she went to genting,she was willing to spend so much time finding for dark choc just for me!!!!

18.then i told her lets write something in letter and gif each other telling wat we like and hate bout each other she wrote a long one.and every single sentence touched me!!!i still keep the letter to this date.and i just read it this sunday.i cried after that thinking bout how she will in love with me and how i do all these and that!!!!i really regret..but i cant do anything anymore.all i can no is just regret.she wrote it at 2 am in the morning just bcz i want it!!!i really wanna cry again

19.sometimes when she was waiting for my reply and i accidentally sleep,i rly didnt think she was willing to wait for me.of coz she got say like asleep all these and that..but still she din really get mad at me.sometimes when i late waking up,she will called me like so many times just for me to wake up.sometimes i woke up ..sometimes i dun...and i remembered before i go 2 camping.i asked her 2 wake me up.so she really woke me up at 6 am.was very very happy.it actually started one day when she wants me 2 call her before her agm.she wants me 2 wake her up.so i tried hard to put as many alarm clocks i have to make sure i really wake her up.finally really did it.and gav her advices.then after she came back.i called her again to ask if everything's ok.at that time it was very controversial.a lot of bad things happen.so i just listened and calm her down.so sometimes when i didnt wake up early,she will call me.but then now.i had been waking up late everyday.almost everyday!!

20.lastly,wat really made me happiest and wat she sacrificed for me is...her love for me.that made me the happiest and the biggest thing she did for me.The Love.

but now,its all over...its all over.i cant turn back anymore.each time when she hurt me with these words.i really cant take it.even now.everytime i think bout wat hurting words she told me.i really felt like my heart is squeezed.i really wanna cry.but then thinking back,she really gave me both happiness and sadness.i can say after we broke up,she treated me badly.she will never treat me this bad last time.

its gone.its over.I have to live my own life.i must continue to go on.all these memories will never fade from my heart.

wishing she knew i never forget bout wat u did.just no chance to tell u

nasi itu bagai berpasir

nasi itu bagai berpasir..

when i checked my blog and found out smtg and quickly asked to know watz happening.first first was ok when i talked 2 her..but then later when just looking at her blog found something.now onli i know how and wat it is...she used to tell me that..and i dun rly bother..but then...i dunno y jealousy just engulfed me..y do i still feel this way?y i even care!!!!!!!and also at that time..i was eating..and then suddenly i lost my appetite..its not wrong for her..i edi knew it long ago..i never said a thing coz i think its ok..but now..i dunno y suddenly i felt so sad..a lot played this..but no1 rly cares ..even me..but i dunno y now onli i care..y do i even care!!!!!!no way i wanna make myself brave..wateva happens..just forget it..nothing gonna change if ure sad..and even if something changed..it wun do anything 2 me.i wun feel happy or sad..so y spoil other ppl's life?

update:
i decided d wat i wanna talk bout in my 100th post.i know it sounds weird..but then ..if u cant accept it dun read..im gonna talk bout wat she did for me.im not saying this to make her touched bla bla..and want her apology.i edi made up my mind.i cant change anymore.but then just now reading back some of my post.i saw..my camping.so i remembered she did for me two things which i still remember.actually onli 1 i remembered very well.the second wan i forgot d till now onli remember.i really can say i REGRET.i shud treat her better back then after thinking wat she did for me.but now...its all over.i cant do anything.so im gonna write out all wat she did for me.i just wish she can realise im actually very happy with her no matter wat.its just that after we broke up that i sud dun feel happy and then hate her for everytime she hurt me.b4 breaking up,no matter wat i still love her.and i never regret being with her.but i do regret for all the things i have done but i still duwan to stop forgetting her.i edi made my decsion.i cant take back.so in that post look out.i really felt like there r so many things she did for me.but i never got the chance to tell her that i m so happy with wat she did for me.all she can know is how sad i am and how angry i am.i know i edi made up my mind by thinking i duwan to post bout her anymore.i just cant stop myself.i really felt that i regret all these.but of coz if i were to apologise,then ppl start giving comments such as if u knew u will regret then y do mistake sumore?all these and that.i hope one day someone will actually understand wat and how i feel.till now..no one understand me.they thot im devil.they thot im hypocrite.they thot im crazy.that time scolded her another time starting to regret.so ...wateva it is.i cant do anything.i just hoping one day someone know how i feel.and wat i actually meant.

if u think that again im idiot for doing this coz i suddenly like regret.then fine.then i really regret.but then i cant do anything anymore.yes.every nite before i sleep.i think back bout wat mistakes i have done.i think bout it.and each nite i regret.i seriously regret.but then some gave me a lot of comments.they never understand me.its ok if u dun.u dun have to understand me.

if again u think i am idiot for doing this..then dun read my next post.coz it might hurt u thinking that i am such a loser..who scolded her at one end and then regret..i am like this..
and i am serious this time.after writing all these.i was thinking..mayb some will think im rly crazy.wtv..i edi made up my mind.i will just write wateva i remember.if possible if she read this.i hope she also knows..that at my 100th post,i wanna tell u ..i remember everything u did for me.i just dun have the chance to tell u.

Trust

not that i care much bout the one she wrote..but..wat hurt me the most is the betrayal that i had to face.i rly regret.fuck myself..i really regret!!!!!!!!!from now on...i rly think i wanna confide things to myself onli..never wanna find others...i really cant blieve this...no one can b trusted

update:its a misunderstanding..still..now i realised how i shud just keep things to myself

90

haiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzz...got back my add maths result today..omg ...seriously dunno wether to b grateful or not..i got 90%..swt...so low!!!!!!!!!!!!!...haiz..noob la..heard science 2 got 4 person pass nia..then our cls can say around 10 person fail..lolz...bcz the test got a lot of questions but then in one hour..even i show my fren from other skul also he said so many questions..so thatz y a lot of ppl cant finish..and i still rmb..i cant do question 15.bcz i cant do that...so lost marks there..and lost marks when teacher saw my dot(multiply) as dash(minus)..swt..and ironically it was just some mistake writing it and then my answer is correct..swt..so duwan argue la..dun care..la...so suppose 2 get 94...but haiz..nvm la..then not that bad yet coz din get 100..but this time get lost..jon keat got 93...haiz..lost my throne..haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...its not that i hate him wining me..but then add maths la.....takkan lose 2 ppl mea...haiz..this is so bad ....ok laaa..for 2nd test..i will get 100 back or else get highest...its rly very malu for me..haiz,..then third highest is 78.chun pao from science 2.then tommy who so pro add maths also get 68 nia..lolz..even fikri got 75 and ammar 70.really a lot of ppl fail.some almost fail like james.41.so kinda tough this time..not to say tough...not enuff time la..haiz..ok ok!!!next time i wanna get 100 and also highest again!!

update:wow today found out 16 out of 34 students in my cls fail add maths.lowest marks 1%..lets dun count him..lowest mark 5%

96th

ok i made a mistake..coz some post r drafts and i overlooked and saw oni 99 posts..where else this is still my 96th post..lolz..tershock pulak..so wait for my 100th post....

skul holiday gonna over

omg!!!!!!!!!!!!skul holiday is gonna over!!!shit man..one week holiday dunno do wat at home..everyday go out..sien laaaaaaaaaaa...din rly do hwk and everything..then sumore getting back test paper 2mr..so kinda scared..scared add maths la..i think cant get 100 d...shit man..my combo is broken..swt swt..haiz..die laa..i think later also wun get highest mark..aiya..dun care la!!!its not like i study at all..so i deserve this..but then thinking back i din even win public speaking...haiz..so sad..din even win that competition and then now my add maths cant get 100..haiz..and all these problems coming..i rly felt like this skul holiday din rest at home sleep..i always have a lot of wild dreams...one of it was..i just want one day sleep 24 hour in my bed non stop.not to say dun wake up..wake up la..but lie on my bed all the day..dun come out from room.that would b my ideal vacation..haha..seriously..i dun rly fancy walking around so much at vacation.esp the langkawi trip..omg!!sitting in the car(van) really made u crazy man..and u have to drive from here to there for so long on the highway..how crazy is that?so i prefer to just sit down and let tour guide take me..hahah..dun hv to struggle so much..just like eat..if u dunno, i (hate) steamboat and bbq.i tell u each year cny eve eat steamboat till stomach also pain.every year sure pain wan..then bbq wait so long to eat..then eat d eat so little.thatz y dun rly want bbq.if me ler..i dun nid fast food.most important food r served to me..and i wait there..hahah..of coz food dun come free..work hard to earn money and when u eat...the satisfaction comes..anyway..ytd was rly a crazy day..first time in my life when im sad i lost appetite...i thot im gonna eat up the whole old town white coffee..but didnt..dun rly have mood to eat..even when i reach home and saw nasi lemak ..also din eat..dun hv mood.just went up 2 my room and just sleep off..then woke up and eat outside..got appetite d..but dunno y eat so little..where is the old me ar??really felt very very wasted la this holiday...go kp dunno how many times..swt..haha..and ytd nite i realised something..shhh xy ..if ure reading this..sry sry !!!dun angry..haha...she .....(omg deleted)....i think duwan tell la..later she mad..haha...ok ok i tell ..later some suspen pulak...i realised for her everything also boring wan..go old skulmate party also said boring..mayb can understand coz din really know them. but then talked 2 her that time..amy asked her hey go ice skating..then she said boring laa..then say sunway also boring..haha..so dunno wats fun for her ar..i dun say ice skating is boring or not..i never ice skate before..but then just realised for her everything also boring..lolz..eh dun mad!!haha..got sumore more than that..


anyway this is my 99th post!!!!omg omg omg omg omg...so was thinking wat m i supposed 2 post for my 100th post!!!errmm..wat ar?bout myself??dunno la..u wait!!

y shud i care?

ok i heard this...i dun blame u all for telling me..its my own curiousity to find out..

Im saying this..whenever im sad..u never care..
words like

wtv..like i care

i dun care

its ur own problem

all these..i swallow...thinking that this is not the worst but today..really cant stand it..while playing basketball machine and scolded many bad words.if u say that ure sad..then i cant help it.if u think that im saying it to u..i cant help u..fuck u....u too hurt me many times and im left alone myself with this so now when ure hurt of coz u din find me..but then

Y shud i care??!itz none of my business that ure hurt bcz i scolded fuck..LIKE I CARE.

Time to get serious

after with my smile and sincere way,i still cant seem to get wat she wants...i was very frustrated while in the IU day.first,i pretended happy and talk to several peoples with a big smiles.then went to toilet to calm down myself.then went out with an unhappy face.the same face till the end of the day.i really felt so wrong...wat have i done wrong again?m i asking too sensitive question ?and at that point .again.im following goh tong's advise.if ure ready to make a decision.make sure u follow it.i dun care!i din come back home to ponder a while at the decision.i quickly made one there.i can its a bit of following my own emotional.But...i think if u wanna talk bout logical part.the same things keep repeating...and if u still cant get the meaning ure really retarded with iq as low as 70.retarded.

and i made a decision to...really get serious this time.i wun hold back anymore.no matter how hard it is im gonna do it.
i used to think this way.its not easy to forget it.so im gonna take it slowly by slowly.wtv i wanna say which comes from my heart and when i cant take it.then talk 2 her if i think its not sensitive.but now,im gonna stop that.no matter how i wanna say it.how i cant keep it to myself.i had no choice.i must really carry on my plan.i cant be lembut anymore.when im soft to myself.this is wat happen.she gets pissed off when i just ask simple questions.

then talked to xy and zy.actually never expect zy to b there.since she wanna follow up 2 her lo.its not like i gonna do smtg to xy.then talk talk.some of wat zy said is correct.but most of it i know d.im well aware.just that when u really cant take it.u start to b emotional unstable.its hard to control.then some rly dunno.and then some wat she said is edi useless.wats the use knowing it anymore.its not gonna help anything. i have edi set my decision.so since i find her after that,knowing it wun help.besides i edi long time set that decision.so i cant just change yet.even that,i edi well aware.so changing also useless.

u be my witness.from now on,i will not talk 2 her no matter wat.not even sms or im except for important things such as scout and girl guide.other than that,i wun.i dunno if she will sms me or not.but bear that in mind.she never except a few times.so the chances is low.i think during these period after breaking up,i edi suffered enuff.theres no more that i shud suffer.do u want me to commit suicide just to make things worse.i never even resort to that.so why shud i make myself sad everyday?i thot of this like wat i told u.i edi wanna stop finding her.just that i used to do it slowly bcz i believe i rly cant do it so fast.then now,today,really changed my mind.i really had to be serious d.and the zy still can say i seems like someone who can just talk but cant do it.i dunno if thatz true.bcz i believe i had done my best.like wat i told.at least i edi improved from 10 to 20 marks.thatz girl.they always want us to change so fast and so much.i dun blame zy for thinking this way.zy if ure reading this,i really duwan argue.just wanna say i edi tried my best and i have not reach perfect yet.so dun say la i din change.i hope u also understand that i really have changed a bit.but may not seem so obvious for u.but its for ok for u to think this way.its not ur fault.

now im really getting serious.im serious when i mean this.u be my witness!!!see if i really go against my decision.she really get pissed off by my questions.and then i start to bo song.so wats the use even talking?make her sad and i sad.wats the use?
but still like wat i promised her last nite.once i forget her i will add her back in msn.i dunno if she wanna accept or not.its up 2 her.i dun rly mind.coz i rly wanna clean up my guilt.even if she dun.i dun think i will mind anymore.

Jai Ho!!!!!!

I say what i mean,i mean what i say

update:

I never regret this relationship.altho sadness engulfed me..but all these while..i admit!!!yes u heard me..i dun regret being with her..i never regret choosing her..shes still my best gf i ever had.i dunno if im still her best bf..i dunno.and knowing it wun change anything..but i do i rly am..if im not..i dun rly can do anything..
like wat i said..if loving her is wrong..i never want to b correct..i rly never regret choosing her and being with her..just that things happen after that is really hurting me up but still if u ask me do u regret knowing and being wif her?No!

unintentional

y i screw everything up?can i just be less logical in love?can i think emotionally?i think im not emotional unstable.i think im too logical!!yes i admit i am emotional unstable..but then i screw most of the things coz im using ideology again!y....is it hard to have a nice conversation?y must i screw things up?y must i keep going back to the past which dont help?y must i repeat it?wat is the problem with me?y cant i just keep things to myself?y m i letting her know everything i feel?y cant i just keep it to myself?y cant i go back to the same me.i never wanna tell any1 my prob.if i do ,i just randomly tell someone i tak kenal.but y..each time sadness or happiness.shes the one i seek for!!when can i stop finding her!!!i tried to forget her but does this really forget her?even when i cant sleep..y do i find her??!!!!!!its my problem that i cant sleep.shes not gonna make me sleep.!!!and i bet if i win another competition i will first to tell her.just bcz i din win public speaking i didnt tell her.and i bet if i win one competition i will find her first.and i rly duwan to !!!!!!!when can i stop this!!!!!!!!!!!im hopeless..and if i had my worst fail..find who?the same girl!!!!y ??!!!!!!!!!and wat if i cant sleep.who i find?the same person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!wat is happening to me?y cant i just keep myself in my world like wat i used to do.swallow my own sadness myself.and these weeks i have been find a few person to tell out my problems..wat m i doing!!!!this is not me!!!i used to have this me and my own world.no1 can solve ur problem for u.they advise but still u r the one who decide wether u wanna follow or not.y cant i go back 2 myself.y...everytime sad..i will find her..y everytime im happy i will find her.now even when i cant sleep.and i think i rly had problem.bcz i find her just now coz i cant sleep and i screw things again!!!i.....wish....i can never tell any1 my problem.then i think i can talk with her nicely just now.just bcz i was so stress up bcz im feeling guilty of doing something and had to make a sure decision...i just screw things up.and again i screw things for not making fast decision enough.i think she must b fed up with my attitude and im so scared this is the last from her.i wish ...for now..until i forget her..i still want to talk to her...its not easy to forget her..serious..how do u forget someone u woke up every morning thinking bout her?its not easy.and its not even one month from the day i start to make this decision.like wat lim goh tong says.if u have made a decision,strive hard with it.never stop.so since i learnt this and decided its true.i must do it.i must not stop.altho i think its quite ok to talk to her once in a while.bcz its not even months.i mean if after months u still do this.u have some problem.so now just like days.i think still ok.i detected wat thing hurts me.so i knew how to handle.but then just that just now was rly unexpected .so like wat goh tong also says.if u knew troubles will come,prevent it.so now,if i had a chance to talk 2 her again.i will avoid troubles.

if ure reading..i dun say dun talk 2 me anymore.im still fine.i can carry on my plan.just that i need time.and because during the time im doing this.i might find u back.but i promise.i will try try try try hard not to make u mad again.bcz its just sudden i never thot of wat happen if we talk back.wat shud i avoid?i rly nvr thot.and i just screw things up.
it may seems like i did this for many times.the truth is yes.i did for many times.but then.its my first time doing this mistake.i admit i scolded bad word is not first time.i mean ok the way i apologise yes many times.but the mistake is first time.i do hope u understand.and dun get mad at wat happen just now.i myself am the most happiest when u talked 2 me.im serious.i just dunno wat kind of spell im put into.no matter how much we fought.at the end of the day im still happy.not that im happy each time bcz we fought.but then mayb bcz ure still willing to talk 2 me.that made me the happiest.

i dun mean that just bcz it made me happy all the time i will keep doing this.i will like u 2 know.i indeed changed from 10 marks to 20 marks.i might not reach 100 just like wat i did just now .if i read 100 i will not screw things up.but i am now still 20 marks.so im sure at the end of the day u wun even care how much i get.i know.but i will still try my best to do this.if i said i will change.i will change.i needed time thatz all.u made me happiest when u still talk 2 me.but then screw things up r not wat i want when i wanna talk 2 u.i rly never thot of wanting to screw things up.i rly want a nice conversation and besides its night time.so i wanna make sure u had a nice sleep.i do hope u understand

so...before i end this.again i say.its all my fault for wat happen.indeed the way i apologise is too many times.but i think its the first time i did this mistake.its like i had to decide a very quick wan.so its my fault i try my best not to do this again if u gif me a chance by talking with me again.its rly not wat i want to do at the first place.

insomnia 2

oh my god!!!!!im starting to feel tired but i still cant sleep!!!!wat is happening ni??im rly feeling sleepy but y cant sleep??

thinking back.being decisive in ur decision is important.or else u r losing a lot.n now im losing out.not to say lose in competition.rugi laaa..omg!!!i wanna sleep la!!!!

Insomnia

Tomorrow is ACS IU day.had to wake up at 7.30am.but still cant sleep now.oh god!!

i guess shes asleep

upside down

now thinking back how we started...i thot ...i was quite in the similar place with her...

when she start to like me..that time i wasnt really showing her that i too got the feelings for her.of coz i thot she wun rly like me..then i thot im so bz and hectic that time.everyday after transfering power,i really dun hv time for her.i mean like we r still frens but then everyday im bz and didnt rly concentrate on her.i do have feelings on her but just not that strong yet.i did not rly pay attention to that.

so when shes liking me she used to disturb me ..whenever im tired and needed rest at nite.around 11 oclock she would sms me.then i wud reply back im tired.talk 2 u next time..so im sure shes hurt...but now....its my turn.each time i was thinking of talking to her.i had so many things wanna say but then i cant even sms or call her.sometimes just sms important tings.other than that i stopped myself.then she complained bout how she hated it when i told her bout how sad i am day by days.but even she herself last time used to be hurt and wrote it in somewhere else.i just wish she can understand wat im going thru days by days trying my best to forget her.how hurt it is.

then she once commented that she hate me using the 'gtg bb' when i wanna offline.of coz that time we r quite close d and bout to start a relationship.but then ...if shes feeling sad bout it...now...the pain of smsing her with a short message is the same.each time when i say i had something to do..i just wish she can sms me back asking me wat im doing.but.....she never.im not now asking her to pls pls pls ask me next time.just that...i dun think we r able to sms each other anymore so im saying it now.this is actually wat i wanna express all along.even once when i said im too bz tat i had to stay awake .she never ask also wat im so bz about.that rly made me sad.

then,she also wanted me to tell her all my troubles.i did tell her but then she cant tolerate the way i tell her.so im also having troubles.she wrote bout how she was sad that she cant listen 2 my problems.but then now.im here to say how sad i am bcz i can no longer listen 2 her problems.things are like wheels.going upside down.now everyday im sad bcz i cant listen 2 her problems.of coz i have no rights to know anymore.but still it hurts me everytime when i think bout wat problems shes going thru.i really wanna share with her altho we r not frens and altho i cant help anything.i really want her to share my problems.i used to call her once.even that i rly think deeply first.but then after that i did not call her anymore to tell her my problems bcz i realized she r not rly interested and then i dun think she like me to call her anymore.i just wish i can

i just wish she can understand wat im going thru everyday.how hurt i am when i want her to concern bout me,share with me her troubles and how i wanna express to her how sad i am.coz if shes able to tell me all these last time,i now had a bigger sadness to overcome.i just wish she can understand me.but then even if she do.nothing gonna happen.and theres no use understanding me when she cant do anything.and even if she do,i cant know if she understand or not.

waking up

Everyday i woke up finding myself thinking bout her first before anything else.The more i think,the sadder i am.

whoever he is

so today went to mamak and eat my dinner while waiting for my mom.then after eating,went back to guardian to wait for her.then saw her sitting down and then a guy talked to him.i dun say hes familiar to me.so i think he din go to add maths tuition just now.so..i was talking halfway to my fren when i saw him.the first thing that ran into my mind is who is him?

then i was talking halfway and paused ...and i actually about to cry a bit!!..just a bit.but then suddenly changed my expression to happy coz im talking with someone ..i just dunno y...
then while sitting in my mom's car.i thot to myself.i think i know why..mayb bcz i can no longer be there to protect her.i knw she dun need protection but ...im willing to b there for her all the time.ok this boy dress up like typical kwang hwa boys with his short pants.i guess he dun dress up like bad boys.but still..im worried.he has this hamsap face.haiz.i dun say my face is the best.but his face just made me worried.and i wish my mom will come after her mother comes.coz i wanna stay there with her just to make sure shes safe.i just dunno y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually not this time.sometimes and most of the time.when i saw shes alone.i will beg and hope my parents will come late.esp after physics on monday which is 10.30 something.im so scared...i remembered this monday where luckily she went back before me.after going back i look back and can see the place onli left 4 person.so if shes left at there.i will really get panicked.now if i rly have a car and can drive.mayb im rly willing to send her home....i just got very panicked each time shes alone there.now im not suggesting her to change her schedule to somewhere else so that i dun hv to busybody.i think her timetable is ok.i dun want her to change.its just this feelings i had to overcome someday.bcz this feelings are the feelings i had when we r together.i just cant remove these yet.i mean like its her life.if she want to wait till late then y shud i care?her frens never care then i in my current position shud never care.but i will try my best to overcome this feelings.if ure reading this.pls dun change ur scheldule after u got ur driving license.wat i felt is u had to do things that suit u.u dun change for others who r not in ur life.wat for struggling.its me the one struggling not u.dun wry.besides im trying my best now to overcome this.so by the time u got ur driving license.i wun even care anymore.i hope.

then when i saw this.in the car.i had thousand thoughts.one of it was y is he suddenly talking to her.i never see him talk to her before after add maths.did he just joined?or wat?or he just pass by?i really dunno.i really wanna ask her!!!!!!!!if u said im not doing good enuff..im here to say i had advanced from 10 marks to 20 marks or 0 to 10 marks.i haven reach 100.i edi tried my best.by the time i msged her,i edi cut my question to 1 questions.when i really wanna ask y he sud talk 2 u.but i just asked "old skulmate"she replied "yea" then i said "careful" and she said "ok".just how short is this?just how much she understand my meaning.wat im trying to say is that becareful altho hes ur old skulmate.i dun like the way he dress and he look.he just had those hamsap face.and im so scared that i asked her to b careful.i know its safe there.but i just cant take it.i hope she do understand wat im trying to say rather than saying im controlling her again when we edi r no longer a couple.

so wat im trying to say now is...how rly cant take it when i saw this boy.not that im jealous.but scared.so im not saying that u cant talk 2 him anymore.if u think its safe then go ahead.im in no position to tell u wat to do.i dun wish that u change ur scheldule just bcz im worried too much.dun wry it will be soon that i will start to forget all these.i knew which part that u hurt me the most.not to say worry.i mean hurt.so i edi start my plan.its ongoing.im trying my best d to forget u.like now,actually im not suppose to write anymore after that day go 2 cyber cafe.but then i hope this is the last time.i really had a lot of things to tell her but never got the chance.i really had a lot of things to ask but never got the chance.im not asking her to gif me chance to ask.wats the use?wat i gain if i ask?wat i gain if i know?its useless..so im not asking u 2 explain anything to me .its just that when the question strikes its hard to swallow it back.

Forgive and Forget are said to come together.But usually Forget doesnt come after Forgive but it is normal that Forgive always come after Forget

decipher it

expression

theres no turning back.i really did the worst thing i had ever done.if i were back to apologising i would be the weirdest person on earth.as i talk bout this.i remembered a the star article.saying this husband cheated on his wife three times and then at last posted a in advertisement asking his wife to come back.first i read i thot hes a nice guy.but then i learnt he beated her sometimes.so even if i post an advertisement asking her im sry.its useless.by the way after that incident i never had the slightest intention to go back.not that i dun appreciate this frenship,but then i think its useless.i will never regret my this decision.now im doing quite fine.

as i talked bout the star article i remembered how she was so foolish.just bcz i told her story of my'mother in law' and how she gave me NST,she bought NST just to read its content when im actually reading the star.im not saying shes foolish totally.i would say everything she does to me no matter she do something stupid for me,no matter she scolded me,no matter how concern she is to me,no matter how she is angry bcz i told her about the dolly face girl in delta......no matter wat...she touched me the most.i can never had the chance to tell her how she touched me everytime.bcz i just cant tell her how happy i am sometimes and how touched i am sometimes.i can onli tell her how sad i am.even when she sms telling me shes going 2 iu day,i am most touched.i know she will not believe me now that when i said all these.its ok.i cant do anything.im now not asking her for apology as i said this like as if i regret these.nope i dun regret my decision.onli for this.last time i used to regret.but not this one.she even touched me when she frantically tried to call me to wake me up when im fast asleep.i do not know how to tell her how i was rly happy.so i insisted on buying her a chocolate altho she denied wanting it after i promised her if she score 60 and above she gets a choc.i first bought a kitkat and after that thought it was lame la.coz its onli two bar.and at last forced myself to eat it even when im full.and it wasnt delicious.then bought for her kinder bueno.a more expensive choc and nicer wan.just out of being touched by her all the time but i can never express it. I JUST WISH I CAN EXPRESS TO HER HOW HAPPY AND HOW TOUCHED I AM RATHER THAN HOW SAD I AM.mayb thatz y she always misunderstand.she always thot i always tell her how sad i am.but the truth is.u bring me both sadness and happiness.i dunno y i cant tell u how happy i am and how touched i am but so brave in telling u how sad i am.instead of expressing it which i really cant,i alwasy buy her something no matter how it can cost me.i dun look into my wallet.i just wanna tell her how happy i am with things.i can never be good in words.even once,bcz i wanted to buy the roses so much,even when i forgot to bring my money,i still borrowed money from her.and then the next day my money was lost.i still repay back her money.EVEN WHEN IM HUNGRY,I DO NOT DARE TO MOVE AN INCH FROM DELTA ALTHO MY FREN WANNA BORROW ME MONEY TO EAT.IM VERY VERY VERY HUNGRY THAT I JUST BUY A DRINK.I DONT WANT TO EAT COZ IM WAITING TO EAT WITH HER WITH MY EMPTY WALLET AND EMPTY STOMACH.some might say im stupid for sacrificing behind her.yes i am!!!!so wat??!!!!i dun mind.she sacrificed as much for me.so wats wrong with just waiting a little more with empty stomach??like wat i said,i can never tell her how happy i am with her.onli this way i can actually feel happy when she laugh and smile at wat i did for her and hoping she will feel touched even without me telling her wat i did for her.looking at other students eating makes me hungrier but i told myself.today is valentine's day.eating with ur loved one is betta than alone rite?im sure she wants to first see me in the door rather than other guys first on this special lovers day.like wat i want.i always want her to be more happier than i am.buying her a choc more expensive that wat i ate myself.sometimes she bought me very expensive choc.so i dun mind at all.i never mind about buying her roses.bcz.......i always wanna tell her how happy i am but i can never had the chance...mayb because sometimes we r arguing and it just made me had no chance to tell her.and while we r arguing i will always remind myself bout how she touched me and wat we have done and im trying my best to let her win and then apologise.i dun want to repeat these as some might cont to stalk me.so wtv u think i cant help it.i have told the truth deep from my heart.

xin yi told me im not bad..im just get angry easily and jealous easily.well i admit i am.but the third thing bout me is im demanding.but im also like other boys who can sacrifice for his gf.for his love.its just i lost to other guys bcz i cant also control my emotions.other than that,i think im quite ok.

If i had the chance

If i had the chance of saying I LOVE YOU in front of u,looking into your eyes, just one last time and you said the same three words to me,i will do it no matter how much we have argued with each other.

I know its impossible........

~THOSE THREE WORDS ARE SAID TOO MUCH,BUT NOT ENOUGH~
CHASING CARS-SNOW PATROL

Right or Wrong?

today ( 17/3/09) such a bad day.i never thot my this date would end up so badly.
i dunno whos fault is it anymore.i guess this is truly the end.i can never turn back anymore.if i ever turn back,i would look like someone who always fly here and there.mood swing here and there.i dun mind being humiliated,but then,i have to care for other feelings.

so i duwan talk much bout how we went thru it but at last before i end the call,i said this

"When we argue,both also want to be correct.It's always been objective.you are either right or wrong.Both also thinks that they are correct.I should learn to answer it subjectively.Instead of arguing,I should listen to each other.Instead of keep arguing,either one must stop saying so much and let the other party wins.If loving you is always wrong,I never want to be correct."

strait away after those lines,i burst into tears for the 6th time.it wasnt easy for me to say this.i tried to avoid letting her know i am indeed crying after i said those.i close my mouth.took in the phlegm.

u always think that i am wrong when we argue.if i love someone who always think that i am wrong,if i love someone whom others will say i am wrong for loving her,if i love the wrong girl,if i love someone whom others say im wrong for letting her get u sad all the time.....i wish that u can always be there to say that i am wrong.i dont mind 2 b wrong.i just want to love the person who i love.i just wanna be with her.i dun mind to love the wrong person.i never want to let u know im arguing for the correct things.i always want u to argue with me.because i knew u r still with me.if loving the wrong person,makes me feel wrong,i really dont want to love the correct person because this wrong person makes me feel wrong that i wanted to be with her.this person i always argue with makes me happy.when she said im wrong,im more happy than when she says im correct because i knew for her,she will never say im correct.if she said im correct,shes lying and cheating me.i rather want her to say im wrong all the time.because i knew she cared for me.

while crying,took out this doll.guess wat.i bought this doll for her two weeks before her birthday.after buying this strait away at home i saw her online and asked her wether can i join her bday celebration because i wanted to give her this.but then i was rejected.at the same nite,i did the worst thing.but now this is the worst.so this doll has since teman me while im sad all the time.whenever im sad i will take this out and then talk to it.until last sat.i still wasnt able to gif her.and i have thot about putting in her bag in bm cls while she goes out and gif her a surprise.but then i just shift it to after spm.but now,no matter when i decide to gif her,its useless.as i cried just now,i took this out and for the first time,i punched it.im not mad at it's 'supposed' owner.but then i dunno y.it was a waste.im supposed to gif her on her bday,but since we r not rly getting along,i had to keep it.everytime im sad,i takes this out ad talked to it as if it was her.and i wish this frog is not smiling.ask chew kit,when i plan to buy it.im so happy.i was thinking how would she react,would she like it?how shud i gif her?all these are running in my head.while im in chemistry cls in tuition,i kept look at the doll.its smile makes me even happier.but then i did not know its real function until that nite itself.

if you saw my first post on this march u knew i bought it on that day

"the went to mcd and eat then chao go 2 tuition.haiz..and bought SOMETHING lo"

if

IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG,I NEVER WANT TO BE CORRECT.

Wasted for nothing

so today suddenly chew kit asked me wether wanna go kp or not.so i mah ok lo then we went there after xin yi messaged him.then we mah walk to there.by the time we walk,they r at bata.then we went to bata and see no one.lolz.luckily they r just beside there.then saw xin yi,amy,zee yeng,mae vin and zee yeng's bf.then i mah ask chew kit,since u ajak me teman u eat nia,then u go inside talk 2 mae vin la.mana tau he so shy.then after wait for so LONG..then finally they came out and we kena bomb when they say they eat d.swt swt.then we mah go and eat so chew kit suggested me thai fair.i really wanna cekik him d.i can onli eat at 2.45 pm.kononnya wanna teman xin yi and amy eat.mana tau ppl eat d.i rly wanna kill him d.make me wait so long.then mah eat and then go and sing karaoke.sing 2 songs nia.kenangan terindah and tattoo.then walk around and saw them inside a boutique.swt.wat so nice 2 see la.hahaha..then nvm we wait lo.again i ask chew kit go inside and cham mae vin la.talk talk.he pulak so malu.now i rly feel like wanna cekik him !!!!and i said come la we go play arcade.then we really play.we play the racing and i keep langgar him till his car fly..haha..balas dendam.made me come for nothing.just to eat thai fair with him.ask him talk also so shy.then came out and join them back.then they stop at food court.so we sit on another table coz no space.then suddenly xin yi and amy went away and i asked him sit la with her.duwan again.swt.then after a while mae vin wanna go tuition and zee yeng and his bf fetch her.then left we 4 nia.(psst .let me tell u smtg.after they chao,we r actually one table beside them nia,then sud chew kit fly like rocket to xin yi and amy.i was like wat the??he bring his drinks and strait away land on their table.so i was wandering he damn flirty ar?)then we mah chat chat.talk a lot of stuff.i told them a lot of secrets.lolz.wei dun tell any1 ar.we even talked bout delta teachers.hahaha..a lot of stuff.got one point,we got too excited and start shouting and laughing..haha.i dunno which part.then sud amy asked us to lower down our voice.haha..we go and anggap the place like mamak stall pulak

then rly talked a lot of things till 5.45 pm.and then we left.coz amy mother wanna come d.so was ok la second part.1st part i rly wanna kill ck d.drag me into doing nothing while i can do my things.

more pics and vids

sry for not putting any vids and pics.so im gonna put it here coz for the past few days din really bother to go and take out my phone cable altho just inside my room .lolz.












ok this is a robot bought back by my auntie from america.and guess wat they sell this at toys'r'us.imagine how malu is malaysia now.haha.so was quite cool man.it can auto walk by itself and can even dance.




first,the first pic is taken at the ktm.shows u how crowded it was.then secondly its a pic of ps3 at mid valley.first i pass by there and then saw this.i thot they just display and u cant play the remote control.mana tau i pick it up and it moved.wat the hell?!then play and lose.swt.haha..then another side is psp.this time.i just touch a bit then the whole 4 psp drop one by one.damn scary.hahahhaa..then sud got one guy come we thot we r gonna get caught.then sud he said nvm.its not real.i was like pheeww.luckily.i hope ure not suing us.hahaha.

Career Decided

ok so today went to education fair which is at mid valley.then kinda felt like so useless man.coz no nottingham,monash,curtin.so like quite wasted going but at least got taylor's there.so reach there at 11.15 am.swt lo.at this time when its supposed to open at 11 am edi got so many ppl enter.siao lo.btw the place very small onli.and then went with ping khai and jin tzen.u know la others camping and other stuff.chew kit is too lazy to go d.i bet he will regret it next time.so duwan go suak la.duwan beg him.then james went yesterday d.so when reach there edi started look around and saw taylor's.so since jin tzen and ping khai also haven decide wanna look for wat,so while i looking they walk around do ntg.swt.unlike them,i edi decide which course.i have a list of 5 or 7 course and from there i tackle it.if u go there undecide wat course and hope that u bump into a course that might interest u,the chance is low.coz they normally starts asking u wat course u wanna take .rather than wat u like.besides these ppl might not study in the course u want.they might b from civil eng.and then they can explain eng stuff.unless u find a college or uni with specialisation onli in one course.such as one academy or otomobile college or despark.the rest they offer so much.

so was looking at last cant find the 3 uni i want.so kinda disappointed.then bought doctorjob's magazine.very useful.bought it and engineering.then got taylor's mag also.gonna read it.then eat at food junction.then coincidently,saw jon keat.actually saw him inside fair d.but then outside eat saw again.then eat together lo.then swt ping khai so kedekut wan say so expensive things here.then sumore dare go but ice kacang.haha.then after that went to an anime shop.swt.again ping khai bought a detective conan dvd for rm 10.swt we were thinking thatz y some ppl create action speaks louder than words.then went to mph.coz ping khai wanna buy exe bk.swt this is again true.but then for me books r important.i dun mind spending rm 100 on a bk coz im not paying.lolz.then i walk around finding any autobiography bk.as usual many titles but then all also tak kenal.then saw one the first emporer of china.dunno wat type but kinda interested.next time wanna buy.and others like benazir bhutto.

then went back at 3pm.went to sit ktm and then i can tell u so many ppl until till like subang jaya and shah alam onli get to sit down.swt.so actually learnt one truth.u see.in klang many indonesians and foreigners sit bus.so in there damn a lot of ppl use public transports.so till wat point do u want that u can stop saying public transport is getting low response.till the train is really full that u can onli move at 50km/h?alrite mayb that was just sunday.so a lot of ppl.but then for me.i think its enuff much d.u know la ktm is like one of the slowest coz so old d.and then so many ppl.but could b bcz of its network also.nevertheless,public transport is always full with ppl.

then reach home d.sleep for around 1 hr 30 min then went out eat at vege restaurant.and now back.

i know u hav waited long for me to say.

so i have chosen my career pathway.
haiz.i dunno if i made the right choice.but then currently its like this

SPM>Scholarships(Taylor's)>A-level(Taylor's)>Scholarships(Monash,Nottingham,Curtin,and other companies)>Electrical & Electrical Engineering[minnor IT,if possible](Monash,Nottingham,Curtin or universities chosen by companies)>Work>Masters in Business Administration( Germany can ar?haha)

or

SPM>Scholarships(Petronas,Tenaga,YTL,Astro and others)>Foundation(Petronas,Tenaga)/Other pre-u by the company(YTL,Astro)>Electrical & Electronics Engineering[minor IT,possible](on their choice)>work>Masters in Business administration.

but most likely not the second choice.coz my bro edi studying a level in taylor's so if i study foundation,then we might enter u at the same time.so very very embarassing for him.altho he wanna study medicine,my meaning is that we go 2 u at the same time.not going to the same u.i mean at the same time.so kinda demoralising for him.so mayb not second one.
so first go a-level and then study then get scholarships again.most probably ill try from company so that i can get my job secured after graduation

so i remembered i once set to study in robotic or mechatronic.coz i thot robots has a bright future.but then think back not in malaysia.haiz.and i saw at swinburne,got a robotic and mechatronic course.robotic?rly dunno wether want back robotic or not?i think most likely no.coz malaysia still not developed kua

DotA with sixth klang

so today was somewhat special day for someone.wonder wat shes doing now and for the whole day.i wonder if where shes gonna celebrate it..haiz

then today was supposed to clean up den together.then at last due to so little ppl end up changing activities.i use wat they played at the bk GG farewell.the balloon wan.this time first round we put water and air.the second wan we use air onli.the third throw balloon.then at last we stand from up stairs throwing balloon and spraying water.got the video sumore.lolz.

then after that waited for chee hong till 1 oclock
then we walked to klang city square.
then we go 2 play DotA at Cyber Cafe.siao lo the comp damn stupid.keep hang wan.my comp is the first to hang when we played for around 5 mins.shit man then remake.2nd round play longer.then swee joo comp hang again.wat la.noob lo.then at last 3rd round.play again.then chee hong wan hang.wat la!!!then look at score.i got the top for both rounds.lolz.then after finish go and eat at kfc.damn sedap.after that went to the store to find the interact uniform for terence.then went back.
so we're supposed to go 2 bkt cahaya but then full d.so cant go.even chalet and campsite.sumore actually wanna go 2 hotel.but then cant la.later ppl thot we find prostitute.our hse sumore cant lo.haiz.so din really have fun.but then ok la.go and play DotA with my committees.damn fun lo .sumore so long din go CC d.actuall bout months nia.haha.

then now writing it.so like wat i said.i will for now try to put her aside first.i must rly stop thinking bout her first.mayb after spm kua.i hope she will rly gif me a chance.i wun forget her!!! i just will put aside first.coz shes complaining bout something.and then its not good for both of us.i rly nid to stop finding her d.so from now on,i wun anymore unless i have urgent like GG and scouts.

I <3 U

hard to explain

haiz wat a bad day today.got lost in the public speaking competition.and my bro result.everyone think that was very gd and ok.but for me,i still dun feel its good.but i hope im wrong.i hope his result is good as they said.

then at nite.received something.so was like kinda sad after knowing it altho i knew she might edi encounter this but sometimes i just cant control myself.i wasnt mad just a bit sad coz shes saying that she thinks i have not changed.i admit .at this short time i have not changed.but actually im trying my best aledi.u see we just broke up not more than a months.its hard for me to change yet.altho i said i will.but i blieve that when i said i will that is more important that not willing to change at all.then lastly she sent this.

"at the same time u saying how hard u tried..ask urself honestly did u even come across with this that im doing the same thing too?"

now,i have told her.altho i dun simply express my feelings to anyone.but then the prob is im someone who always easily show wat kind of mood i am having esp when im angry.when im angry,i dun even gif a damn bout who u r.this is me.she doesnt like it.im trying my best to change for her.its not merely for her.because i realised if i do this later in my life,i wun get to work easily.so instead of starting late,i also will change for her.im someone who express my mood easily,so even if she never do this,thats her.but me,i cant.i cant take back my feelings.especially with her bcz shes the one whom i always find when im happy or sad.when im happy i will tell her first before any1.when im sad,i will slowly crawl to her and say how sad i am and how i rly want her support.then even after breaking up, i still will find her.its hard for me to stop it. but since she said she dun like it.i rly must stop it.i cant force her anymore.i knew she can do this.she can keep it.but i cant!i cant hide my feelings.i rly will find her wtv my feelings are.and now i still do.but i was most sad when she said she duwan to hear it anymore.then i knew i must leave her alone.

"don have to so susah payah to change.just be urself..wats the point that u change for a while till months later u might get back to the old u..wats the point tat u wanted to change so much tat u wanted to change so much n ignored ur studies..the most important things and best thing ure gd in?"

i dun care bout susah.wat i know is if i want u back in my life,i have to change.i have to change rite now.some things that i realised now,were important in later part of my lifes.so if i dun change now,how bout next time?how to stop?so if i start early then its easier.and then my feelings towards u r more important.if u said i susah payah for u,then i knew u also susah for me.i knew u also tolerated with me during with me that time.i knew it onli now.so i knew how hard u went thru.for a love to last.both must sacrifice.if i want a second chance i had to change myself.which is ok coz its after my spm.i rly am serious when i really want a second chance.thatz y i wanna change.thatz y i wanna prove myself that i have changed.

" u c the ting that makes me really wanna shut up myself is tat..im not saying u try not good enuff or wat!Den u gone panic or frust..anxious to know wats im trying to say.."

for this one its hard to explain.but rly la.i felt if u shut up urself,i will never know.just like today.if u forever shut up bout this,i might just continue saying that i regret all the time.so if u shut up things are worst just that i felt that wat she replied was a bit of fed up with me.

"u may express urself to sue ann cause honestly..i felt tat u both r quite ngam key..ur world don belongs to me..same goes to u cant understand my words..i really had enoght explaining my self..i realised its unnecessary..so wtv u wanna think..im over it ...seriously"

first,she said tat i could express to her bcz i told her i will find some1 else.so i wanna say tat i actually lied when i said i will express to someone else.the fact is that i DO NOT HAVE anyone to express to.not even the closest person.and im not proud anymore to say that i onli express to her my feelings and in blogs.so i was merely lying when i said i will find .the fact is rly i rly dun have.i just lied to at least let her know im ok w/o her.then,she said we r ngam key.i think she meant it when both of us can converse in english well.wats the use?in this world so many ppl can use gd english.so it wun prove anything.and also.just bcz i talked to her bout public speaking,then she must be thinking we r ngam key coz we r good in this.but then wats the point of being with someone u felt suitable but not feelings.we r mere acquaintances.i dun even have her e-mail address and no. so y r we ngam key?we just talk in tuition thatz all.we r not ngam key.and i never like her at all.if the feelings dun come early,then its not a love.i dun even gif a damn bout her and she said she n i ngam key.but i hope thats just her feelings.coz i dun think i m suitable with her and will want to be with her.watz the point together if u feel both r suitable but then do not have the love feelings?just bcz we dun argue easily?i rly have feelings towards her with all my heart.i never bothered bout how we always fight bcz i knew couple sometimes fight.i dun care if we r like wat she said two diff world coz i know sometimes its just misunderstanding.after breaking up,i realised most of it r my mistake.thatz y.and i wish to change and given a chance.i did most of the mistake.i wanna correct myself.it does matter much if my world don belongs to her and mine too.its not important.wat is the most important that we build a bridge.of coz i cant understand ur words.if u said sue ann i cant even understand some coz my english is not that good.she reads but i dun.so when said bout some words i just laugh coz i wasnt able to understand.mayb she meant i cant understand her meaning.thatz bcz its most in sms.if like just now i called her,i understand easier.sms is hard to understand.so i do understand most of wat ure saying in phones.sms is hard but most of the time i can.even sometimes when i read back my sms to others,i dun even understand it myself.so dun blame on matter that we cant understand each other words.

i rly hope she dun read my blog anymore now.last time i used to wish that she will read my feelings bcz i rly tried to keep it from her.and sometimes i cant.so thru blog i hope she can understand.now i rly wish she no longer read anymore esp this.until we r back together.i still will not gif up.i will wait for her altho wat she just told might suggest that she wants to end this,but im still waiting.i felt that after spm is way too long yet.mayb she can change her mind.mayb bcz of today is a bit of tension a bit.so mayb the way she speaks makes it more tension.so im taking tis positively and wish that everthing is fine.u see when u type in sms,there are no feelings.u cant capture one's feeling.so mayb shes trying to b gd .but mayb me myself feel that she has another feelings just like sometimes when im not rly mad but she thot i am in sms.

mayb this might b the last post im talking bout her.hopefully lo.coz u see as i said i will stop talking bout her in my blogs after the vacation rite?so added more when i said i will stop expressing 2 her bout my feelings.so i think she can still read my blogs.but then for this post.i dunno if ure sensitive,please do not be as this is the last one im gonna write.i know it hurts u too to read.if possible please dun read.but if u read please take it lightly.if u read carefully,i wasnt saying that i was tired with u.i wasnt.im just saying how i really feel that u misunderstood my feelings and my words in sms.like wat i told u,in sms its hard to understand the real meaning.so mayb the way i sms her also made u a bit mad,but please take it lightly.its just our opinion rite?ure saying that i was this and this and saying how i m ngam key with sue ann.i take this as wat ure trying to express.i do rly take it seriously coz i know im not ngam key with her altho u think i am.and when u said that we r diff world all these.i wasnt rly mad.but here im explaining how we can make this work onli.i hope u dun misunderstand thinks that im again complaining at my blog about how u treated me.like wat u repost last time.but if u rly think this is not nice,then tell me.i can delete it.i just hope u take this lightly when u read this and take it as my opinion which i will wanna convince u bout how sue ann and i are not ngam key all those.its not my complain.

i know i cant reply anymore at sms coz ure saying how im being defensive and will say it all in this situation.so im writing here.but u wun see these type anymore as like wat i said will stop it right after saturday.so hope u still continue to read my blogs to know wats happening to me.i rly wish i can go urs.mayb i will sometimes once in a month ke.coz i rly m afraid i go emo again and defensive.hehe.u know la later i post sumore in my blogs.swt.never ending wan.haha

dropping

waaaalaoooooo

ok again !!!
today at bm cls grace tay said suddenly my soalan 2 for petikan umum got zero.was surprising dunno how..swt...then check back ..i din carefully read the answer.haiz..just simply hentam inside wtv i see haiz..wat the ...haiz...

my studies getting worse d..
ytd maths test.damn ez but last question onli realised ownself wrong coz drew the line wrongly.haiz..im dead.sumore ytd i think i did very very very badly in the add maths selection test.altho i got the confidence i might represent skul.still i nid to upgrade myself more if i wanna win.i rly wanna bcome the district no1.which i think is quite far since i cant even do the 2008 question.well im sure some of my fren like hsing hwa sure read this"i wanna bcome no1"lolz.guess wat.i rly do.its a bit of challenge.to see wether can i outdo others.im sure hsing hwa also wanna join.but dunno he joining or not.

haiz.dead my studies r rly getting worse.then now im at 6.30.just woke up n wanna study back chapter 1 form 5.i think im gonna fail the test this time.serious la.ytd come back strait away sleep.where got time study.sumore din even open at all.so now struggling to study.haiz.

then last time,the latihan tatabahasa.got so low lo..haiz..i rly nid to do smtg laaa..how come form 5 harder wan.form 4 dun nid pia also can
form 5 like suddenly nid 2 study.altho i keep telling myself wanna study d this year.at last also everyday competition.haiz..sien laaa..!!!!!!!

decision

so was checking out if she edi check wat i was trying to help her..dunno if rc passed her the msg or not and dunno wether she done it or not.however forced myself to go check it second time.then saw ntg more yet.so kinda relieved a bit.but gonna ask her again next time to confirm.then, saw she post a new one.too late.

erm ntg ...nothing b angried about.she said its too late for me to apologise.i know that.and its useless.but however i do not agree itz useless..i wanna redeem myself like wat jo yee said.if i wanna prove that i have regret and must show that i have changed.i thot to myself.mayb i shud take another approach.its hard for me but i think this is the best yet.im sure she must b rly hating me edi.but i rly dunno la.mayb shes not mad anymore but just that feel that wtv im doing now is useless.but im here to say that I DO NOT REGRET WAT IM DOING NOW APOLOGISING AND REGRET ABOUT MY MISTAKES.i do not.i know im wrong therefore now im redeeming myself by changing and proving that i will change for u.i really appreciate ur kindness.

and therefore i decided.this saturday which coincide with a special day,my frens and i are going on vacation some sort.so gonna make it special for me and forget bout all my problems.after i come back i will not be sad anymore.life must go on.even if u sad for day and nite,nothing gonna change.if action speaks louder than words,then action also speaks louder than feelings.i will prove and redeem myself as a new myself.

this is how it goes.from the day after im back from the vacation,im gonna have a new person.im gonna throw away my bad memories.im gonna laugh as i want all those bla.i never regret wat i have felt all along.i never regret being with her.but im gonna stop thinking onli.and after spm,which is roughly 8 months from now,a lot asked me 2 gif time for both of us.i see that as an useful advice.if everyone is saying it,im sure it rly was something i overlook.so im gonna gif both of us time till after spm.i am openly saying that I WILL ASK FOR HER FORGIVENESS AND GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER AFTER SPM.now, this sounds like im proposing openly and might offend her,i do not know.but it shows im rly serious.im willing to wait for her for these 8 months.if others can wait for 8 years.8 months are nothing.im gonna come back to her with a new person to prove my love,to show her my love,to appreciate her and to prove that i have changed.

now,dun treat this as im trying to openly tell her weakness.i think i have wat she wants as im willing to tolerate her sickness.i do not know if how many ppl can do that but im sure there are many.shes always sick and sometimes headache.but i never care!!wat i love is u.never bout wat u can help me in my life and not wat u burden me.then,im willing to take the responsibility of going back to pahang with her.i dun mean stay there,im just saying annually when cny comes.i know she said she can go back herself which i do not think its nice.i have once promised her something bout her phobia.i know its hard.i might waste my efforts.but i rly have decided wat i want.how many ppl will take risk?if once she dun favour it,years of efforts gone.but i still think positively,there must be a solution.

by doing this way,im not actually forcing her to b with me no matter wat after spm.but im rly glad if u can rly forgif me and start all over again.but then if u rly cant,its understandable.but at least i hope we can b frens.then mayb from there it will blossom again.

after 2 weeks,i still cant even laugh.i rly must start to change after the vacation.i will also start to stop writing bout her in my blog.and all other things.im starting to stop it today so that by next sunday i can stop it completely.

by that time after spm,i will change .i will prove to u that i have changed.please gif me a chance to appreciate ur love one more time.

then, sud received her sms telling me to study hard for 2mr test.was rly glad!!!!happy!!!!actually she tried to be good to me in the sms which i saw.but its hard for me to tell her how happy i am.if i just haha to her back then it will look like im faking it.then i decided to onli talk nicely.i hope she knows im rly happy when she sms me.

i know i dun hv chance anymore to tell her this.so im telling it early

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

hope every1 stop saying im faking.i know some rly stop.rly appreciate that.

like wat the kenangan terindah mv,im sure u know wat im talking bout.

I will always love you

her blog

ok i cant resist it anymore!!!!!!!

errmm i just have a sneak on the latest post title and saw it's the same then quickly exit..hmm..no change.actually not even wanting a change.at least wanna know if anything bout her..haiz..i rly sucks.i edi duwan go but i still go..haiz..fuck it

slumdog

so yesterday watched slumdog millionaire.was quite ganas for me especially when they took out the boy's eye..
so was watching one part where the girl was forced to marry and stay with one mad guy.then saw how he keep shouting and dera the girl.

then it reminds me again of myself.i dun practise domestic violence but then haiz y is everyone saying i am??!!!

thatz not important anymore coz i duwan to argue bout that anymore.i do wat i feel is right.

the one i wanna talk bout is how i am when im bad tempered.i know when im bad tempered i scold anyone..i dun gif a damn.and they knew how i was with her when im bad tempered.then watching this,i realised how it hurts when ur partner is bad tempered and u release it on her.actually i din hit her or wat la..but i guess psychologically it works this way.but seriously,i just get mad easily at her when she dun do wat i ask.but i never scolded her..but lets say i am...i really shudnt.its hard to take a angry man's temper.i realised that onli now.haiiizz..

i just wish one day morning i woke up and never think of her at the first place,for eg when i woke up just now,i was thinking has she woke up?wat is she doing?all these keep runing in my minds!!!i rly wanna try to forget her but i cant!!!till now i still cant throw away the hp thingy she gave me,the choco box and the letter!!!wat is happening?i wanna try to leave her forever but i still cant do it!!!

now,i haven been 2 her blog for so long..wat is she doing now??i really wanna go but then how??!!!!haiz..worse.altho im trying to forget her ,but sometimes i still go 2 her private blog and try my luck by entering my e-mail and everytime im rejected...haiz..rather than public blog,i realised if i open public blog i would see her latest post.if private at least i knew i will b rejected always.but i still try.this is so weird.when u knew u will b rejected u still try.wat the heck?y don i just look at her public wan??mayb im still hoping one day she will forgif me entirely and come back to me which is impossible....